


A Tangled Skein

by Maquiskat (Lilahkat)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-22
Updated: 2011-06-22
Packaged: 2017-10-20 15:48:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 65,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/214388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilahkat/pseuds/Maquiskat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When things don't turn out the way Q thinks they should for Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay, he brings in outside help to set things right - sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Tangled Skein

PRIME THREAD  
Stardate 57993.8

“Who does she think she is saying that I…” The familiar, mercurial, petite red head snarled as they popped back into existence after visiting the universe where their universe was all dreamed up.

“Kathryn,” Chakotay placed a gently restraining hand on his wife’s shoulder. “Q, if you’re going to come here, take us to a place where we’re ‘characters’ and upset my wife, could you at least make sense when you try to explain why to us?”

Q sighed; it wasn’t often that he visited the prime thread. The guardians of the line were far too interested in keeping it pure, ensuring that this timeline progressed without interference from the Continuum, except when necessary, and more over without interference from the Powers, either greater or lesser. This Kathryn Janeway was every inch as fiery and stubborn as the Alpha Thread’s Janeway, but this one had something indefinably more. In addition, she wasn’t as easy to harass, yes for all its shortcomings; he still liked the Alpha thread and his Delta Quadrant Janeway better.

“Let me explain it to you in terms I hope you can understand,” Q grumbled, and Chakotay shot him a warning look. “There are many planes of existence, and in one of these places there is a reality where creatures with great imagination create entirely new planes of existence, where we all live.”

“Gods…” Chakotay offered.

“No, not in the way you would think… However, some of them, like the one that screwed up the Alpha Thread, do get ‘god complexes’. They aren’t even truly aware that they are creating these new planes. Moreover, the initial creation of a plane is not assured just because they imagine it; it takes the support of a group conscience to do that. However your plane of existence is particularly active, fruitful and complicated because it was started so many years ago and has so many greater and lesser powers influencing it.”

“Except us,” Janeway said as she stood up from behind desk and crossed to the star port in her ready room.

“Yes… I’m glad to see someone was listening the first time.” Q smiled sweetly at her, and Kathryn rolled her eyes. He huffed and continued, “But for Chuckles’ benefit here, I’ll continue explaining. Within these planes, are many threads, ravels, pulls and ties. Your thread is in essence the purest thread. It is the ‘reality’ of this plane of existence, the soul or spirit of the universe that was created. The only time the Powers influence your line is when they create more people within an ongoing story. Other than that, you have autonomy as do those who created you.” Both Chakotay and Janeway nodded for him to continue. “Now the Alpha Thread is quite different… Your father created starships correct?” Janeway nodded again, “Then see it this way, if you are the perfect idea of what they wanted to create, then they are the prototype.” Janeway smiled, prototypes weren’t ever perfect and this one had some obvious shortcomings from where she was standing.

Q waited a moment before continuing as Chakotay crossed to the replicator without being asked and brought Janeway a cup of coffee. Kathryn sat down again and smiled graciously at Chakotay as she took the cup. Chakotay sat beside her, and they both turned their attention back to Q. “Shall I continue?” He feigned annoyance, but these two really were something to behold. They were a true team in all ways, one heart, one soul, and one mind. What the Vulcans tried to accomplish with their bonding, these two had perfected by accident. Both the humans nodded together and looked on expectantly.

“Now with this particular thread, which we call the Alpha thread, where as your existence is the Prime thread. They suffered from having too many Greater Powers trying to control the outcome,” Q was about to continue as Kathryn interjected.

“Too many cooks spoil the soup…”

Q huffed a bit and then continued, “and a shuffling of who was in charge.” This time Chakotay interrupted.

“Too many Chiefs not enough Indians?”

Now it was Q’s turn to pinch his nose, he was here with strict rules binding his actions. ‘Yes I definitely prefer the Alpha thread… These two don’t take me seriously enough.’

Both Janeway and Chakotay were smiling at each other, silent laughter reverberating within their souls. “Ah hum” Q broke them from their revere. “Besides the primary Powers, there are several degrees of lesser powers. Some with more and some with less influence.”

“Like the woman who…” Kathryn’s eyes glinted with cold fire again.

“Kathryn…” Chakotay said gently.

Q took the conversation again, hoping to distract Kathryn. “That woman, as you call her, was chosen to portray you and as such she has influence over the course that the Alpha Kathryn takes and how she feels. In essence she is the Alpha Kathryn but she is also not.”

Kathryn was now pinching the bridge of her nose, “Don’t bother trying to explain it to me, Q. I’ve gotten as much of that as I’m going to, so just continue on.” She released her nose and took a long pull of her coffee, while Chakotay reached over and started to rub her shoulders.

“Within this universe are also lesser powers, though only lesser in the fact that they have no control over the Alpha thread, in fact without their group consciousness, none of the other threads would exist. It is only their will and energy that gives them existence, other than of course your Prime thread. Once that is created and set in motion, it continues whether they remember it or not.” Q sighed, “Now this is where it gets complicated. Lesser powers cannot change the course of where the Alpha thread is going, however there are those among them who do have the imagination to create other threads, ravels and pulls. A new thread is created when they purposely decide to change how circumstances played out in the Alpha thread. Whether that means that you aren’t with Chakotay but Seven, B’Elanna or Tom…”

Kathryn’s eyes grew large like saucers at this and she started to shake her head, “Seven?? B’Elanna??”

Chakotay’s eyes narrowed dangerously, “Tom?”

Kathryn noticed that and pushed her disbelief away, “Cha-ko-tay”, she gently admonished.

‘Gotcha’ thought Q. The two of them were smiling at each other now, totally absorbed. Q rolled his eyes, however shaken he had managed to make them, it had disappeared quickly enough. “Or that the circumstances of your meeting was different, where you were both Maquis, or he was Starfleet and you were Maquis. Or Voyager was destroyed and the Maquis vessel wasn’t. Infinite combinations and possibilities. All those threads are out there and different versions of them too, however there are fewer of the ones where you aren’t interested in each other than there are ones where you two are, were or wanted to be together.”

“I should hope so,” Kathryn added after taking another pull of her coffee.

Q continued, “Pulls are where the lesser powers create a small change that would fit into the normal universe and doesn’t significantly change the circumstances hence the thread remains intact, like a small loop of thread outside of a sweater. A ravel occurs when they create a small change that significantly changes the universe, like putting you two together in the Alpha thread, which then splits off a portion of the main thread as a separate entity from that point.”

“Sounds like a god awful mess, Q” Kathryn observed.

“It is… A beautiful, complex, intriguing mess.” Q’s eyes got a bit wistful.

“So let’s see if I get this straight, Q” Chakotay concentrated as though trying to wrap his mind around everything, “Our universe, or as you call it ‘thread’, is reality. We’re free willed creatures here?” Q nodded. “But those others from the Alpha thread aren’t.”

“Oh they’re real, but they have no free will, their actions and feelings are directed by those people in the other universe. They call it ‘canon’.” Q answered.

“Like the woman, who was playing me?” Kathryn interjected.

“Well she doesn’t have as much power as she sometimes likes to think, but yes.” Q smiled. These two were quite quick for inferior beings.

“And the other universes… threads?” Chakotay asked.

“To a greater extent they have free will, but yes they are created and directed by the lesser powers.” Q answered.

“So Q, what exactly is the purpose of you coming, telling and showing us all this.” Chakotay asked suspiciously.

“Well, not that I care really… but things aren’t turning out in the Alpha thread the way I thought they would.” Q’s voice betrayed more than he would have wished to. “It’s the end you see and due to the Powers in that other universe that I took you to…”

“Like that woman…” Janeway stood and paced.

Chakotay started to say her name in that tone again, but it wouldn’t help so he let it go. Then he turned his attention to Q, “Wait a minute… The end?” Bringing this point to light brought Kathryn out of her fuming.

“Not like that no… Just the greater powers and some of the lesser powers are abandoning the thread, for now. So they will continue unguided for a time, but in their final act of omnipotence the powers had to…”

“What Q?” Kathryn stood and tried to hold Q’s gaze. Q looked away unwilling to allow this other Kathryn to see his disappointment.

“It’s easier to show you than to tell you,” Q answered. And in a flash of light, they were gone from her ready room.

ALPHA THREAD  
Stardate 54973.4

Only to re-appear in a quiet restaurant that Kathryn recognized as one of she and Chakotay’s favorites. “They can’t see or hear us.” He added as he directed their attention to a table in the back corner where duplicates of them sat.

“I’m sorry, Chakotay,” the Kathryn from the alpha thread started, “I can’t. I don’t feel the way you do.”

The alpha Chakotay sat silently looking at his Kathryn. Remembering silent promises that must have never existed.

“You’re my best friend and I love you, but not how you need me to. I can’t put you first… ever.” He started to speak and she silenced him, “You need more than what I can give, and eventually you’d resent me for not being able to give you that. I love you too much for that to happen.” She rose from the table and held out her hand, “Friends?”

Her Chakotay stood, took her hand and nodded his answer. Then pulled her gently into a hug. The alpha Kathryn was stiff, but held him gently back. Then she released him and walked out of the restaurant. The other Chakotay sat slowly, and as he did, it was as though something intangible was draining from his body leaving him empty.

The Kathryn from the prime thread was furious as she watched this play out before her. “How dare she, how dare that woman… He deserves…” She fell back into the arms of her Chakotay, “Oh Chakotay.” She looked into her husband’s eyes; “He’s going to give up. He’ll still stand by his word to stay with her and make her burdens lighter, but his heart is broken… He’s broken.” Her Chakotay felt no jealousy while he held his wife as she cried her tears for this other version of himself. In fact, it comforted him to know that her feelings were so strong for him, that they would encompass another version of himself.

“Q, I want you to help him…” Kathryn’s eyes blazed as she gave him the order.

“I can’t directly interfere and change what was said,” Q provided, “Against the rules the Continuum has set out.”

Kathryn gulped, “Then make him not love her anymore.” As she said it she felt her heart constrict. Like she was pronouncing her own death sentence.

“Same problem. Besides, Chuckles wouldn’t like it.” Q said. “I was hoping you would help me come up with another solution. That’s why I brought you.”

Kathryn stood, quietly, silently. “Are there rules about interfering in these other threads? The ones the lesser powers make?”

“Normally yes, but I happen to know a Q who has befriended one of the lesser powers.” Q saw Kathryn’s raised eyebrow, “Don’t ask, it’s even more complicated. They would give me a little more leniency. The main problem is I am not allowed to change the circumstances in the alpha thread.”

“I suppose taking Chakotay out of this thread would be against those rules,” Kathryn grumbled.

Q shrugged, “As long as there is a Chakotay and a Janeway here, that will carry on this thread, that is all that is required.”

Her Chakotay spoke up, “Kat, he wouldn’t abandon her anyway. He won’t leave her alone with no one to defend her. That would break his oath.”

Kathryn’s face was slowly over taken by a creeping grin, which got bigger as her mind composed a plan. Q inexplicably found himself drawn into it as well, while Chakotay just looked on worriedly. “Q, I want you to find a thread of existence where an alternate of myself, really needs Chakotay. A Kathryn Janeway, who will accept him and his love. One whom he will want to go to, to help, to protect.” Then she smiled indulgently at Chakotay then turned her attention back to Q, “Secondly, I also want you to find a Chakotay, who will give the alpha Kathryn -exactly- what she wants, a friend, a protector, a sounding board, but no more. One who loves her the way she -says- she loves him. One who’d be willing to come here and take over for this Chakotay.”

“You don’t ask for much, do you?” Q said sarcastically.

Kathryn ignored him, “And while you’re at it. Take us home. I need to see my children and have dinner with my family. My husband.” She held her Chakotay’s hand tighter, smiling at him as her gaze caught and held his eyes.

“As you wish, Admiral” Q answered snidely as they all disappeared from the restaurant.

**************

PRIME THREAD  
Stardate 57995.8

A couple of days passed, which seemed odd to Kathryn of the Prime Thread as Q should have been able to check things instantaneously, but then with a flash he appeared in her ready room. “I would have thought you’d have a corner office at Starfleet Command, rather than still be on this dingy, little Starship, Admiral Janeway. Or at least you could have graduated to a Galaxy class or the Flag ship of the Fleet.” Q commented insolently.

“For your information, Q.” Kathryn stood and started moving dangerously towards the omnipotent, obnoxious being, “This dingy, little ship as you call it, is a Voyager class vessel, precisely the Voyager - A, modified for long term missions and to accommodate families. She also happens to be the refit of the vessel who got us home. There is no place else in the universe I would rather be.”

Q smiled, this Kathryn had finally understood that Voyager was her home now. “Ah, Mon Admiral… It still doesn’t explain why an Admiral is on it.”

Kathryn walked away and picked up her coffee cup, taking a sip before answering. “I’m too much like Kirk now.” Q arched his eyebrow. “After the Delta Quadrant, I’ve been deemed too much of a cowboy.” She laughed at herself, remembering how she had at one time mocked the old time Captains and their cowboy diplomacy. “I’m an Admiral in name only, Q. They put me out here on scientific research missions to keep me busy, happy and out of the way. So, I don’t cause problems for the rest of the Admiralty back home. I’m too idealistic. I mean I actually married my Maquis first officer.” She gasped in mock horror. Q looked surprised at her rather jovial attitude about it all. Kathryn smiled, “I suppose it would have been bad policy to alienate the ‘Heroine of the Delta Quadrant’. Honestly Q, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have the autonomy I’m used to, something useful to do and I also have the comfort that I can head back for Earth whenever I need too. I’ve had enough action and ‘daring do’ for ten lifetimes.”

Sitting down at her desk, she looked up at the omnipotent being again, “So Q…” She smirked, “Report. What do you have for me?”

Q was amused at this Kathryn’s insolence. “As requested, Admiral, I’ve located alternates who fit your requirements for this…” Q paused more for effect than anything else, “operation.”

Kathryn nodded, “So what’s this other Kathryn like?”

“If you would care to come with me, I can show you the situation and explain the details.” Q held out his hand to her. Kathryn felt some apprehension about going off with him alone, but Q never did anything to hurt her or her crew and he was carrying out her requests. Chakotay would be annoyed but he would get over it. She stepped up, straightened her uniform and stood beside him.

“By all means.” She answered in a business like tone refusing to take his hand.

“Party pooper,” he grumbled as with a brief flash of light.

DELTA GAEA RAVEL  
Stardate 54975.7

Suddenly they were in a familiar clearing, amongst the trees and brush. Kathryn’s face became bright with returning memories. “New Earth.” She moved forward, tracing steps she had taken so many years ago. When she came upon the emergency shelter, she breathed in convulsively. It had obviously taken heavy damage in some of plasma storms that erupted on the planet. Damage, which had never been properly repaired. Several holes, which were obviously patched, as well as someone who was working alone without proper materials could.

An eerily familiar figure exited the battered building. Long hair faded by sunlight cascaded down the woman’s back. She looked too thin, even to the Kathryn of the prime thread; her faded blue dress hanging loosely off her now bony frame. She stood silently outside her home for a moment, then started to walk out past her bathtub, which also had been damaged but not repaired. As she walked slowly and stiffly, stopping occasionally to pick the wildflowers that grew along the well worn path. Kathryn and Q, who obviously were invisible to the other woman, blinked from existence on the path to the shelter and reappeared near a large rock cairn. From this vantage, Admiral Janeway could see the other Kathryn’s face, which was tanned and freckled much, to her dismay. Her eyes looked perpetually tired, and her stance belied more than physical pain. She approached the cairn slowly; a small smile graced her lips. Kathryn of the Prime thread sighed, feeling the pain in her own heart; she already knew what had to come next. “Good morning, Chakotay,” the Kathryn of this New Earth intoned gently.

“Q”, Admiral Janeway spoke and in a flash, they were back beside the shelter and away from the other. “Fill me in on the details.” She asked as she surreptitiously wiped tears away from her face.

“Well, I decided that it would be easier on the Chuckles from the alpha thread if I were to pick a Kathryn most like his own. Which she is. In this line, they were never rescued. It took her a whole two years to come around to her Chakotay.” Q looked at the prime Kathryn with an arched eyebrow and a saucy grin.

“Wipe the smirk off your face, Q” She hissed, “If you’re implying that I was wrong because I made up my mind and decided what I wanted while I was on New Earth and then didn’t let Starfleet Protocol interfere once we were back. You can stow it, because I sure as hell prefer my fate to either of the other Kathryn Janeways I’ve met.”

“Temper, temper,” Q teased. From the non-amused looks Kathryn prime was giving him he decided to carry on with his explanation rather than with more teasing, “Just as things were beginning to go well for this Kathryn and Chakotay, he was killed in an accident. Leaving her alone for the last three years. Frankly, I do not think she will survive another year on her own. Her history other than that is a duplicate for alpha Kathryn’s. This is a ravel from the alpha thread history.”

Kathryn prime nodded gently. “She’s a good choice, Q. Now what about the other half of this? We can’t help her unless we have another Chakotay to take over.”

GAMMA CHARON THREAD  
Stardate 54975.7

Q nodded briefly and in a flash they were in a graveyard on Earth. Kathryn got chills up her spine for a moment, as she looked up only to see someone with Chakotay’s profile laying flowers on a grave.

“We’ll actually talk to this gentleman, Admiral.” Q offered. “He doesn’t seem to like me very much. Maybe he’ll respond better to you.”

“Q”, a familiar voice snarled, “I told you not to come back. Leave me in peace.” The figure approached until he saw Kathryn standing beside Q.

“Katie?” Chakotay intoned incredulously. Then he scooped her up into a bear hug and swirled her around the air. Kathryn prime was beginning to think that Q had made a wrong choice. This Chakotay seemed happy enough to see her. He gently kissed her on the forehead, and spoke, “I can’t believe you’re here.” There was something missing from the kiss; besides the fact that it wasn’t on her lips, that made her rethink her opinion.

“Cha-ko-tay,” Kathryn said with a smile watching his reaction. His brow furrowed a bit, as if confused by her tone. “It’s all right.”

“You’re not my Katie, are you?” Chakotay asked.

“No, I’m not.” Kathryn answered.

“Are you the one who…” Chakotay asked looking decidedly uncomfortable.

“Actually, I’m the Kathryn who decided to help -fix- things in that other thread, but I’m not from that thread.” The prime Kathryn offered.

Chakotay nodded and lifted her hand, looking at the wedding band on her finger. “In your universe, you’re married to me?” He looked incredulously at her. She nodded gently. “Sorry, it just seems very odd. Do you know how long it took me to convince my Kathryn that we should just stay friends?”

Kathryn prime looked at Q, who smirked and nodded arrogantly. “So you weren’t…”

“No, I always thought of her like a little sister. I loved her, but not the way she needed me to.” Chakotay admitted honestly.

With the echo of her alpha thread counterpart’s words hanging in the air, Admiral Janeway of the prime thread moved into action with a smile. “What are your plans now, Chakotay?” She asked gently.

“Probably go back to Dorvan. I’m not really certain.” He answered looking back towards the grave.

“That’s my counterpart from this thread’s grave isn’t it?” Kathryn asked in curiosity.

“How did you know?” Chakotay asked.

“Have you ever heard the old earth saying, ‘Someone just walked across my grave’?” She asked with a half grin. Chakotay nodded. Kathryn smiled, “Well that’s what it felt like when you put your flowers down.”

“If you’d like a peek, Mon Admiral…” Q finally spoke up. When they both looked over at him, he was clothed as the Grim Reaper.

“No, thank you Q,” Kathryn answered rolling her eyes. “I have things to discuss with this Chakotay.”

“Very well… Yell when you’re ready.” And in a flash, Q was gone.

“He’s your friend?” Chakotay asked as they slowly walked together down the manicured lawn.

“Not precisely, although I seem to have a more cordial relationship with him than the other Kathryn Janeway’s do. Though that probably has more to do with the thread I come from than from any extra respect on his part.” Kathryn smiled warmly.

Chakotay smiled back, “So are you going to explain this plan to me and convince me why it’s a good idea?”

“Shouldn’t I just be able to order you to do it?” Kathryn teased.

“Not quite…” Chakotay answered gamely.

“Not quite like my angry warrior, hmm?” Kathryn looked a little disappointed.

“Angry warrior?” Chakotay looked confused.

“Q…” Kathryn grumbled and she could practically hear the omnipotent one’s insolent laughter. “I guess I have a lot to explain to you.”

*******

PRIME THREAD  
Stardate 57995.9

Kathryn sat in her Ready Room feeling very pleased with herself. The ‘big brother’ Chakotay, as she had taken to thinking of him, hadn’t been as hard to convince as she had thought he would. When he had agreed, she had found herself enveloped in a flash of light and back here. Admiral Janeway barely had enough time to cross to her replicator and order a cup of coffee before Q reappeared.

“If you were just going to come back and harass me more Q, why didn’t you come and get me personally.” Kathryn asked as she sipped her coffee, her back turned to her annoying guest.

“Humph, some gratitude. Here I am helping you fix the other Chuckles life… I don’t even like Chuckles and all you do is complain about my efforts.” Q goaded Kathryn.

Kathryn was completely nonplused as she sat down at her desk and looked up at him, “As I remember Q, you came to me looking for assistance.”

“You know you are completely no fun, Mon Admiral,” Q pouted. “Anyhow, I had other business to attend to. Like getting us special dispensation from the Continuum for this operation.”

“You getting permission? Q, you disappoint me.” Kathryn’s eyes twinkled with merriment.

“You know you are the only Kathryn Janeway that gets to mock me… And that’s only due to the thread you belong to.” Q grumbled.

“I feel honoured.” Kathryn almost laughed out loud, “So why and how?”

“Well, I decided it would be completely cruel to go to all this trouble and then have them undo it all…” Q answered.

“Especially to the Kathryn from New Earth, hmm?” Admiral Janeway already had him figured out.

“Contrary to popular belief, I really like all you Kathryn Janeways. Present company excepted of course.” Q commented with a sickly smile on his face.

“Of course,” Kathryn replied and lifted her coffee mug in mock toast. “So, how’d you do it, Q? Last time I remember hearing, you weren’t exactly the most popular member of the Continuum.”

“I simply said that it was a request from the Prime thread.” Q answered.

“And they thought you meant the Guardians,” Kathryn laughed, “You lied, Q.”

“I misdirected. If they thought to ask…” Q shrugged.

“So now all we have to do is convince alpha thread Chakotay and we’re set.” Kathryn said with a smile.

“All YOU have to do is convince Chuckles,” Q corrected.

“Me?” Kathryn asked, “Why just me?”

“Well you see…” Q started.

“The alpha thread Chakotay doesn’t like you very much,” Kathryn finished, “Why do I sense a running theme here?”

Q didn’t even dignify her question with an answer, instead she found herself enveloped in a flash of light.

ALPHA THREAD  
Stardate 54978.2

Kathryn reappeared to find herself sitting on the edge of a Starfleet issue double bed. A silent figure lay under the covers quiet at the moment, but the state of the bed sheets belied the emotional state of the sleeper. Kathryn couldn’t help but gaze at her husband’s alternate tenderly. A tentative hand reached out to touch his cheek and then slowly traced his tattoo. “I would make her love you the way I love my Chakotay, if I could.” Kathryn whispered

The gentle touch of her hand roused Chakotay. He looked up to find Kathryn sitting quietly on the edge of his bed, looking at him tenderly and decided he wasn’t awake after all. He gently took her hand and pulled her to him, catching her in his strong embrace and pressing his hot lips to hers. Instinctively her lips parted to give him access and their tongues danced against each other. His hands roamed her back and started sliding beneath her uniform tunic before her mind reminded her that this was not her Chakotay, her precious husband, and she gently pulled away from his embrace.

The effect was almost immediate; Chakotay took a deep breath and pulled away completely rolling over into his pillow, the movement of his back the only indication of his sobbing into his pillow. Kathryn reached out and gently stroked his back, until he slowly turned back over and regarded her. “This isn’t a dream is it Kathryn? Why come here and torment me? I’m coming back to Voyager and you know it, so just let me get my bearings and we can do things your way.” The words came out in a tumble, so quickly that Kathryn from the prime thread couldn’t respond.

Kathryn gently touched his face, tracing the tracks of his tears with her fingertips. Her touch was so gentle that Chakotay couldn’t bring himself to pull away. “Cha-ko-tay,” she breathed, “You are so loyal.” Then she drew herself up, pulling her hand away and looking him deep in the eyes. “Do you trust me?”

“I shouldn’t, but I do.” Chakotay answered tentatively. She reached for her collar and pulled off her rank pin, handing it to him. “Admiral? Either they promoted you…” Kathryn shook her head. “Or…”

Kathryn finished for him; “I’m not your Kathryn.” Chakotay’s eyes widened somewhat, but then he reached up to her temple and touched the gray starting there. She touched his hand with her own and he caught it and pulled to where he could see it, focusing on the ring on her finger. He looked at her, a question reflecting in his deep brown eyes. “Yes, I’m married… to my universe’s version of you.”

Chakotay’s eyes clouded for a moment then he spoke, “He’s a very lucky man, my alternate. I wish…” Chakotay stopped himself and then looked at her, “When did you?”

Kathryn started to answer then shook her head. “No, Chakotay. Your universe and your Kathryn are different. I’m not giving you more to regret.” Chakotay seemed reluctant to give is up but could see the determined look in this Janeway’s eyes.

“All right, so why did Q bring you here? Just to torment me?” Chakotay’s gaze hardened.

“No Chakotay.” Kathryn laid a gentle hand on his arm; “I asked him to bring me here, so I could…” She took a deep breath and continued, “offer you a solution to your problems.”

“Which is?” Chakotay asked, trying not to feel hopeful.

“Our hands are tied in this universe, but there’s another place for you, where you are needed more than you are here and where you’d be happier.” Kathryn answered.

“I can’t leave her alone. All I have left is my honour, my vow.” Chakotay looked forlorn.

“I wouldn’t ask you to leave her alone, but you have to think of yourself too, Chakotay.” Kathryn squeezed his forearm gently. “Come with me…” Kathryn stood and held out her hand.

Chakotay smiled, “If you’re married to me, you probably haven’t not seen any of me, but your Chakotay may not like…”

Kathryn let loose a throaty laugh, “You’re right. Especially after that kiss.” She laughed even harder as he arched his eyebrows at her and she turned her back to him. A few moments later he touched her shoulder now fully clothed, and she smiled at him as she turned. “Ready?” She held out her hand again.

“Do your worst…” Chakotay answered as he took it and in a flash of light, they weren’t in the Alpha Quadrant anymore.

DELTA GAEA RAVEL  
Stardate 54978.2

Once again they re-appeared on the path leading to the emergency shelter. Kathryn let go of his hand and led him up the path. As prepared, as she was to see the scene before them, it still made her heart catch in her throat. Chakotay stopped, stalk still, and took in everything before him. The prime Kathryn stood beside him, waiting for an indication that he was ready for an explanation. He turned to her, his gaze probing. “Here, our counterparts were never rescued from New Earth. It took this Kathryn, two years to completely give up hope of returning to the Alpha Quadrant. According to Q, she’s very much like your Kathryn would have been. But just as they were starting to build a life together, her Chakotay was killed in an accident.”

“Where is she?” Chakotay asked after absorbing this information. Kathryn shrugged and they both moved forward, until they found her working in the garden, humming tunelessly. Chakotay’s sharp intake of breath told her that he was as shocked by this Kathryn’s appearance as she had been. “She can’t see us can she?” Kathryn shook her head in answer to his question. Chakotay walked forward until he was very close to the New Earth Kathryn. “Oh, Kathryn.” She looked up as though she had heard something, and Chakotay took in the bone-weary look that permeated this alternate. Chakotay reached out his hand as though he could touch her, his hand resting as if it were touching her cheek. “No matter what happens to you, you are still beautiful… My Kathryn or not.”

“She could be your Kathryn, Chakotay.” Kathryn prime had approached slowly from behind and stood just behind him now, one hand resting on his shoulder. “She needs you and Q doesn’t think that she’ll survive the next year alone.”

“How can I make that choice? How can you ask me to make that choice?” Chakotay asked, the pain and torment echoing in his tone. “How do I leave this Kathryn to her fate, when I could prevent it, but then I break my vow to my Kathryn.”

“I told you I wouldn’t ask you to leave your Kathryn alone. Come with me, and maybe I can lighten your burden.” Kathryn motioned for him to follow her. With one final look at the New Earth Kathryn, Chakotay stood and followed Kathryn prime.

GAMMA CHARON THREAD  
Stardate 54978.2

They reappeared in quarters much like his own in Central San Francisco. Kathryn looked around and then called out, “Chakotay, are you here?”

Alpha Chakotay almost answered out of instinct when another alternate of himself, came out of the bedroom. The alternate smiled enigmatically and held out his hand, “Chakotay, I presume.”

Chakotay mirrored his alternate’s grin and took the proffered hand. “You’re the solution to my problem?”

“Well, this Kathryn seems to think I might be, and I tend to agree with her.” Gamma Chakotay answered. The alpha Chakotay looked dubious but the Gamma Chakotay continued, “You see my Kathryn and I were friends, even though she wanted more than that.” It only took a second before the full implication of what the alternate Chakotay said hit alpha Chakotay. “My Kathryn died getting us home. I was just going to disappear quietly to Dorvan, so no one here would miss me.”

Kathryn prime touched the alpha thread Chakotay’s arm. “Q made certain that most of your experiences are the same. You’d just have to fill him in on what happened on New Earth, or other incidents like that, that were more related to your relationship with your Kathryn. Then he could take over for you and release you from your vow.”

Chakotay alpha stood silently for a moment then spoke a controlled anger tingeing his voice. “Just because I could leave her with another Chakotay, doesn’t mean that I’d have fulfilled my vow. I won’t give up my honour for conveniences sake.”

“Chakotay,” Kathryn prime made him face her and cupped his face in her gentle hands, “Have you considered that giving her a Chakotay that could accept and find fulfillment within her limits would be making her burden lighter. She wouldn’t have to bear the guilt over rejecting you, anymore.”

“She wouldn’t know…” Chakotay alpha protested slightly, but he couldn’t find fault with the logic in her words.

“Trust me, she would know that the feelings had changed. I could tell that he felt differently. So would she.” Kathryn looked into his eyes, “Let go Chakotay. Fulfill your vow, make her burden lighter, and make your own burden lighter.”

“I need to think.” Chakotay answered. Kathryn nodded and bidding farewell to this universe’s Chakotay, Chakotay alpha and Kathryn prime disappeared.

PRIME THREAD  
Stardate 57996.2

Kathryn reappeared in her Ready Room, only to have her Chakotay storm in before she could even get a cup of coffee. “Would the Admiral care to tell me, where the hell she’s been today as she hasn’t been on Voyager since o-eight hundred this morning?”

“No Captain, the Admiral would not care to tell you where she’s been,” Kathryn said wearily. The day’s tension and emotion had caught up to her and tears, barely held back, glistened in her eyes. “However Chakotay’s wife, Kathryn, would love to go to our quarters and cuddle while she tells Chakotay about the emotional hell she had to go through, for this little project of Q’s.”

Chakotay’s visage softened and he wrapped his arms around her. Held in the safety of his embrace, Kathryn let her command persona drop away and her small form trembled as her emotions flooded forth. Chakotay held her murmuring softly and stroking her hair until the tremors stopped. He kissed her forehead then spoke, “I’ll tell Tom where we’ll be for the evening. Maybe B’Elanna could take the kids.” He looked at her tenderly, and then kissed away her tears.

Kathryn nodded. Chakotay turned away only to feel his hand caught again by hers and to find himself pulled into her passionate embrace.

**************

PRIME THREAD  
Stardate 57996.9

Kathryn crunched happily into a fresh apple Danish, as she and Chakotay shared a late breakfast. Tom and B’Elanna had kept their children over night, so that they could work out any problems caused by Kathryn’s disappearance the day before. It was a system both the couples used, when Tom and B’Elanna needed time alone their little one spent the night with her Aunt Kathryn and Uncle Chakotay. Chakotay poured her a fresh cup of coffee, setting it on the table and slid close to her again, stealing a bite of her pastry in the process. “Hey,” Kathryn yelped and tried to pull her breakfast away, but he grabbed her hand and pulled against it, trying to force the sweet to his mouth. “No, no, no…” Kathryn was giggling as she tried to wrest her hand away from him, while trying to get her bare foot into position to tickle him with her toes.

Recognizing her maneuvering, Chakotay released her hand suddenly, the chain reaction causing it to fly back into her face, smearing her with sweet apple paste. A muffled ‘Ow’ mixed with giggling issued from her as Chakotay neatly pinned her body to the couch. His soft lips met hers gently, as he kissed away any lingering sting from the impact of her hand. Then he captured her eyes with his as his tongue flicked out barely tickling the skin of her chin and he lapped at the smeared apple sweet. Kathryn gasped from the heat of his breath as her love teasingly licked away the remaining sauce.

“So this is what domestic bliss looks like… Would you mind if I sent my wife to you for a few lessons?” Q’s unwelcome voice interrupted their play.

“Q” Chakotay snarled.

Q looked unimpressed, and Kathryn gently kissed Chakotay. “I have to finish this Cha-ko-tay.” She said loud enough for Q to hear, and then whispered for Chakotay’s ears only, “Then we won’t have to put up with Mr. Impotent anymore.”

Chakotay laughed at his wife, standing and helping her up from the sofa. “I’ll go pick up the kids.” Chakotay nodded at their unwelcome guest and exited their quarters.

“He didn’t seem to be much affected…” Q remarked snidely.

“You would put a randy Orion Slave Girl off her mood, Q,” Kathryn retorted calmly as she moved into the bathroom to wash her face and fix her hair.

“It’s omnipotent, by the way.” Q countered.

“I wouldn’t know, thank the spirits.” Kathryn answered as she exited the bathroom. “So has he decided?” Kathryn felt the tension creeping back into her body. Even though it wasn’t her Chakotay and she wasn’t the Kathryn trapped on New Earth, it meant as much to her as if it were. Kathryn allowed some of her command façade to slip into place as an emotional barrier.

Q nodded not a hint of what the alpha Chakotay’s answer was showing in his visage. “Shall we?” He asked, a slightly malevolent grin crossed his face.

Kathryn didn’t allow him any indication of discomfort on her part; she simply nodded once and waited for the light to engulf her.

ALPHA THREAD  
Stardate 54979.2

Kathryn reappeared in alpha Chakotay’s quarters; she took a quick stock of her surroundings and noticed that most of his personal effects, like his medicine wheel and other small trinkets were no longer adorning the space. Instead of the elation she expected to feel, she was surprised to find a strange aching sorrow spill into her chest. As much as she knew the alpha Kathryn didn’t deserve him, there was a tangible sadness to him finally giving up on her, even if it was to take his place at another Kathryn’s side. “Hello Kathryn.” The alpha Chakotay addressed her sounding slightly uncertain.

She held up her hand with the wedding band, “It’s me, Chakotay.”

“Good, for a moment I thought you might be my … this universe’s Kathryn.” Chakotay responded. “I’m almost packed.” He looked around the now more standard looking quarters, “Actually I am packed.” She moved behind him and set her hand on his back. He turned lightly to face her. “I didn’t expect you to look sad.”

“It’s a crossroads. There’s no turning back from this path once you go down it.” Kathryn answered, nearly kicking herself for her honesty.

“What might have been,” Chakotay answered. The ghosts of seven years of unrequited love on Voyager flickered in his eyes.

“Except normally there’s always a chance for ‘what might be’,” Kathryn answered, “But not when you cross this barrier.”

“This Kathryn has made it very clear there is no ‘what might be’ here,” Chakotay said somewhat bitterly. He shook his head as if dismayed with himself, “And despite that, I need to say goodbye to her.”

“Are you sure that’s wise?” prime Kathryn’s cocked her head to the side, considering him, her eyes searching his soul through his own. It was eerily familiar. His own Kathryn … no the Kathryn of this universe had done it many times.

“It may not be wise, but I have to.” Chakotay smiled, “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything that will give her any clues. She’ll just think I am going away for the weekend to come to terms with everything.”

“And when you come back…” prime Kathryn’s eyes widened in understanding.

“The other Chakotay will be here, and everything will be as she wants it.” Chakotay nodded.

“Good luck, Chakotay.” Kathryn offered, knowing there was nothing she could do to comfort him now.

************

Chakotay felt out of place in his civilian clothes, treading through the halls of Starfleet Command towards the corner office, which Janeway occupied while waiting for Voyager’s refit to be complete. Kathryn was busy badgering an Ensign about some paperwork she had brought in, then changed her tone completely to request the girl to bring her a pot of fresh, unreplicated coffee. Chakotay smiled as the girl slipped past him with a wide-eyed, frightened doe expression. “Are you emotionally scarring Ensigns again, Kathryn?”

Kathryn rolled her eyes and snorted at him, “Me, never.” She gave him a cock-eyed grin. “What are you doing here? Going to try to get me to play hooky with you?” Her eyes glittered as she teased him.

With a force of will, tempered over seven years, Chakotay reminded himself that this was just Kathryn’s nature and pushed back the hope that had welled up from deep within him unbidden. “No, actually. Just wanted to let you know I’m not going to be available this weekend at all. I’m going away, alone… A quest to bring everything into perspective. To let me find my path again.”

Kathryn understood instinctively what he needed to bring into perspective. “So I’ll see you next week.” Her tone belied her fears.

Chakotay nodded, “Commander Chakotay accepted the position of your XO on Voyager again, Kathryn. I will always be your friend, but I need to put an emotional period on the last seven years.” Kathryn nodded and held open her arms. Chakotay stepped into her embrace. They held each other gently, bodies fitting together like two pieces of a puzzle. Chakotay was the first to pull back, though he didn’t break her hold. “Kathryn, save me one regret.”

“Anything,” Kathryn answered gazing up into his eyes.

“A kiss.” Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn frowned a bit; she had stepped into that one. “Are you sure that will help you avoid any undue regrets?”

“You think you’re that irresistible, Kathryn.” Chakotay teased, his dimpled grin disarming her defenses.

With an imperceptible nod of her head, their eyes met, then slowly closed and as though there was an unavoidable magnetic attraction, their lips came together. Softly pressing, opening to each other to allow the gentle tasting of each other’s mouths. The kiss so long in coming was slowly broken by Chakotay; he looked at her intensely, committing this moment and her to memory. He ran his hand through her hair, then along her cheek. Kathryn stood still in his embrace; reluctant to break free and accept the change she sensed would come after this moment.

Chakotay pulled free and walked to her office door. Kathryn stood, looking at him, feeling the change in the winds of fate. “Goodbye Kathryn.”

“See you Monday,” she replied with a smile.

Chakotay nodded in answer and could already see her falling back into her old patterns, as she sat back down and focused her attention on a padd. He stepped out the door and watched as the young ensign returned with the pot of coffee. He leaned back against the wall, collecting himself for a moment; “Have a good life.” Turning he left Starfleet Command for the last time.

***********

Chakotay alpha walked into his apartment to find Kathryn prime and Q arguing in front of Chakotay gamma. He slipped quietly to the side of his alternate, watching with interest the exchange going on in front of him.

“Putting him in another universe is unnatural as it is,” Kathryn sniped as she glared at the omnipotent being, “I don’t see that sending him with a few items to make their life easier would make things any more complicated.”

“That is because your human brain can’t comprehend the ramifications…” Q answered haughtily.

“The ramification of a few seeds, tools and replacement parts as compared to the ramification of a new Chakotay being implanted into the thread… Please. It’s not as though he’s trying to hide that he’s from another universe.” Kathryn snorted at the omnipotent creature.

Q glared at her, not willing to concede.

“Look, it would make that Kathryn’s life so much easier and I’m certain that a being with your superior intellect and power can iron out any wrinkles that might occur.” Kathryn smiled her best ‘Starfleet Diplomat’ smile at the Q. His eyebrow arched, but if he noticed her change of tactic, he didn’t make an issue of it.

“She’s good,” Chakotay gamma whispered under his breath to his counterpart.

Chakotay alpha nodded, “And that was a half hearted attempt at best. No Kathryn Janeway likes playing up to Q.” They both smiled then looked towards Kathryn prime and Q who were looking back at them.

“The way they’re smiling makes me almost nervous,” Kathryn commented to Q, “More nervous than you make me.”

Q just shrugged.

“Are you ready, Chakotay?” Kathryn asked.

“Do you mean one or both of us?” The two Chakotays asked simultaneously.

“Both… One to stay, one to go.” Kathryn smiled at them.

“You’ve got my logs, and I left some other information for you on this,” Chakotay alpha said as he handed Chakotay gamma a padd. “Other than that, she’ll expect you at her office at Starfleet Command on Monday, so you’ve got the weekend to brush up.”

“If we’ve missed anything, I’ll bluff my way through.” Chakotay gamma said as he nodded.

“I hope I haven’t missed anything… She’ll catch on if you have to bluff too much.” Chakotay alpha winced a bit.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Kathryn grabbed Chakotay alpha’s hand. She looked at Q who nodded. “It’s time to go.”

Chakotay alpha took a final look around then looked at his alternate. “Take care of her.”

“I couldn’t do anything else.” Chakotay gamma answered and in a flash, they were gone.

***********************

DELTA GAEA RAVEL  
Stardate 54979.2

The wind blew through the trees as the three dimensional travelers appeared on the path that led to the emergency shelter and Chakotay’s new life. “This is it. Your new home.” Kathryn smiled at him.

“And then this would be goodbye for us,” alpha Chakotay smiled back at her. They moved into each other’s embrace, holding each other tenderly. “Thank you for this second chance.”

She looked up at him without breaking the embrace, “Not goodbye. Never goodbye… Not between any version of us. Besides, I have every intention of checking up on you both for certain important occasions. You won’t be able to see me, but I’ll be here.”

Chakotay smiled enigmatically, his dimples flashing, “Take care of that husband of yours and be sure to have more kids.”

“Ha… What makes you think I’d let him do that to me again?” Kathryn started laughing as she teased. Chakotay was captivated and drawn in by the sparkle in her eyes, and started laughing as well.

“Until our paths cross again, Kathryn.” Chakotay’s deep voice resonated within her soul.

Kathryn prime pushed herself up on tiptoes and pressed her lips against his, “Until our paths cross again.” She whispered against them. Then she broke their embrace and moved to stand beside Q. Chakotay hefted his pack and lifted the heavy case that held the gifts that Kathryn prime had fought Q to gain for them. He focused his vision forward towards the emergency shelter, but gave in to a last urge to look back, to find that Kathryn prime and Q were gone.

He moved down the path with renewed purpose, wondering how the Kathryn of this New Earth would react to his sudden appearance. As he rounded the final curve in the path, he could see the remains of Kathryn’s bathtub. “That’s one of the first things I need to fix.” As he drew nearer to the small homestead, he could see this universe’s Kathryn Janeway, struggling to hold up a replacement panel, which would repair a ragged hole in the shelter’s wall, and secure it to the wall at the same time. Her too slender form, practically drowning in what had to be one of his alternate’s old shirts, trembled with the effort. Instinctively, Chakotay set down his burdens and rushed to the mostly unsupported end of the plank, taking up the extra weight. Kathryn moved quickly, not questioning the panel’s sudden lack of weight, her hair falling over her face as she fastened the panel to the wall, then leaned back breathing heavily.

“You looked like you could use an extra pair of hands.” Chakotay spoke gently to catch her attention.

Kathryn jumped away from his voice and the wall, blue eyes wide like an animal ready to flee, but held in place by fear, her entire body trembling. Chakotay stayed as still as possible not wanting to make her fright any worse. “That’s it Kathryn, you’ve finally lost your mind.” She said aloud to herself.

“Kathryn Janeway loose her mind,” Chakotay smiled, his dimples coming out completely and his voice teasing. “Never.”

Kathryn shook her head, and then took a slow step towards him while reaching out to him. As the distance between them closed, Kathryn laid her hand on his cheek. “I’m real.” He reassured her, laying his own hand over hers. With a gasp, Kathryn rushed into his arms, clinging to him while her body convulsed with sobs. Chakotay was shocked at the feel of her body against his. Kathryn had always been thin and prone to not taking care of herself, but this Kathryn took that to an extreme. Her body was little more than skin and bone from the feel of her through her clothes. Chakotay re-evaluated his priority list, and put helping Kathryn regain her health at the top of it.

“How,” She looked at him as though she thought he would disappear at any moment but she stepped back from him.

“I’m not your Chakotay.” He answered. Her eyes took on that analytical look that he was so familiar with when she was problem solving. “Someone offered me a fresh start, when my life took a path that I couldn’t walk. I accepted it.”

“You chose to come here?” Kathryn asked incredulously.

“My time on New Earth is one of the happiest memories of my life,” Chakotay answered, a smile lightening the serious tone of their conversation.

Kathryn’s face developed a lop-sided grin. “So being stranded on a deserted planet with your universe’s version of me is one of the happiest memories of your life,” her tone was self-depreciating, “I don’t know if that says something about your life, or that the other version of me is easier to be around.”

“I’ve been told, you and she are very much alike.” Chakotay answered, his grin answering hers.

“Then it says something about your life,” Kathryn’s throaty laugh echoed in the open of the glade. As the laughter faded, Kathryn’s eyes became haunted.

“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” Chakotay laid a hand on her shoulder.

“You’ll have to excuse me if I question that and my sanity for the next while, Chakotay.” Kathryn answered, “God, it feels good to say your name again and know that you can answer.”

“Let’s go bring my baggage into the house and see what sort of supplies my benefactors packed for me.” Chakotay motioned Kathryn towards the place where he had dropped his bags.

Unseen watchers observed the couple as they picked the bags up and carried them towards the emergency shelter. Kathryn prime smiled and nodded to Q. “I think they’ll be fine. Although I think this universe could use an omnipotent guardian.”

“Is that supposed to be a hint?” Q asked with a smirk.

“It’s a request.” Kathryn prime answered honestly, “They’re all alone and a little unseen help to get them through the dangerous spots would be rather generous.”

Q grunted in grudging agreement.

Kathryn smiled, faced the clearing once more and spoke.

“May the road rise to meet you  
May the wind be always at your back  
May the sun shine warm upon your face  
The rains fall soft upon your fields  
And until we meet again,  
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.”

“Finished?” Q asked.

Kathryn of the prime thread wiped a tear from her cheek and nodded. With a flash, they were gone.

PRIME THREAD  
Stardate 57997.2

Kathryn and Q reappeared in her Ready Room. “Thank you for your help. I’ll be leaving this thread now.” Q said quickly and started his characteristic motion to activate his power. Kathryn reacted as quickly and caught the offending limb in mid swing.

“Wait, I have a request for you.” Kathryn answered before he could ask.

“Why? Mission accomplished. No good deed goes unpunished and all that…” Q looked vaguely annoyed but not terribly surprised.

“I want to give you permission to visit and take me on a little two-way journey on two occasions,” Kathryn worded her request carefully.

“You. Give me. Permission?” Q looked less annoyed and more amused now. “And what would those two occasions be? As if I need to ask…”

“First on the occasion of the birth of the first born of Chakotay and Kathryn of New Earth. I want to go there, just to see and be sure.” Kathryn asserted, her eyes never leaving Q’s face.

He nodded and yawned as though incredibly bored. “Granted. And?”

Kathryn’s face took on a slightly feral look. “On the occasion that Kathryn of the Alpha thread realizes what she lost. I want to be there to see it.”

At this, Q looked actually surprised by the human woman. He answered her feral look with a malevolent grin of his own. “Granted with pleasure, Mon Admiral.” And with a flash he disappeared.

Stretching as she walked, Kathryn replicated herself a cup of coffee. Moving to her viewport, the stars spinning past caught her eyes and mesmerized her as it always did. She was barely aware when her door chime rang twice and the door slid open without her permission. “Are we all clear, Admiral?” Chakotay’s voice asked curiously looking around the Ready Room.

“He’s gone for now.” He watched her smiling reflection in the transparent aluminum of the viewport.

Chakotay moved behind her, laying his hands against her shoulders. “So is everyone all right? Did your project go well?”

As Kathryn turned to face him, his hands lowered to her waist. “Everything went very well. I think everyone’s going to be all right.”

“Good, then we don’t have to put up with Q dragging you off anymore.” Chakotay pulled her tight to his chest.

Kathryn turned their bodies so that her back was towards the ready room door, then pulled away and took a step back. “Actually, I gave him permission to come and take me out visiting under some circumstances.”

Chakotay looked rather shocked and then took a step towards her, eyes flashing, “*Kathryn*”

Kathryn laughed and took several steps to the door, “If you can catch me before I get to our cabin, I’ll make it up to you.”

The door started to slide open as Chakotay moved after her. “I expect you to run to loose.”

Kathryn was stepping into the turbolift as he exited the Ready Room; “Me throw a race. In your dreams, Captain.” Her voice and laughter echoed through the bridge. The bridge crew all smiled as Captain Chakotay headed for the Jeffrey’s tubes.

“I think there’s a malfunction in the turbolifts,” B’Elanna said aloud as she hit some buttons on the engineering console.

Chakotay nodded appreciatively and winked at her, “Get to work on it, Commander.”

DELTA GAEA RAVEL  
Stardate 54979.4

Nostalgia filled Chakotay as he and Kathryn walked into the emergency shelter. However the worse for wear it appeared on the outside, aside from Kathryn’s usual clutter, the shelter was in much the same shape as he remembered the emergency shelter from his universe had been. “The bag you’re carrying is my personal belongings. The presents from our benefactors are in this.” Kathryn set his bag on the bench beside the door, while Chakotay hefted the large metal case onto their kitchen table. Chakotay triggered the catches and pushed open the lid. He smiled and laughed as he caught sight of some of the contents. “My friends who packed this definitely knew what Kathryn Janeway would want after so much time away from civilization.”

“What?” Kathryn perched on the other side of the table trying to peer into the case.

“Uh uh,” Chakotay laughed and pulled down the lid to prevent her from peaking. “It’s a surprise.”

“Come on Chakotay, do you think I can survive another surprise today?” Kathryn wheedled.

“Just sit still. I’ll get to it in a minute.” Chakotay laughed at the pouty look on Kathryn’s face.

Chakotay purposefully started inventorying the less exciting items in the case. “A fully stocked medical kit, tricorder, engineering tool kit, replacement omicron particles, generator repair parts, replicator repair parts.” Kathryn smiled at that. Having the replicator again would make their lives much easier. “Now, farming stuff. Seeds, lets see. Cucumbers, varieties of squash, varieties of melon, carrots, lettuce, peas, varieties of beans, seed potatoes, corn, strawberries.” Chakotay made as to move onto the next item, but Kathryn’s eyes widened.

“Strawberries?” She reached out her hand and snatched the package of seeds he had set last on the table; “Do you think they’ll grow? I can’t remember the last time I tasted a real strawberry. That’s it, either I’m hallucinating or I’ve died and moved into the spirit world and that’s why you’re here with me.”

“Kathryn, we still have to grow them.” Chakotay’s tone was slightly reproving as he shook his head at her. She sniffed feigning insult and she put the strawberry seeds down where she could easily grasp them.

“Now other less practical items. Scented bath oil.” Kathryn’s eyes widened again as Chakotay held one of the small bottles out to her.

A grin grew on her face, but then stopped, as her eyes became melancholy. “My bathtub was destroyed in a plasma storm two years ago.”

“We’ll rebuild it. How about we make it a group project?” Chakotay offered. Suddenly he realized he didn’t want to take the place of her Chakotay in her heart, he wanted a place of his own. He didn’t want to relive the memories of building the bathtub in secret; he wanted to create a new memory of creating something together. Reaching around the case, he took Kathryn’s hand, meeting her eyes with his own and smiling at her.

The melancholy faded from her eyes and his smile was answered with one of her own. She nodded then spoke up, “So anything else in that box of early Christmas presents?”

“Nothing you’d be interested in,” Chakotay dissembled.

Something in his tone must have pricked in Kathryn’s mind, “Oh really?” Her eyebrow arched and her gaze narrowed.

Chakotay lifted something out of the case and tried to keep it hidden behind his body, “Just some dirty ol’ beans… I’m certain no one here would want to consume anything made out of these. I’ll just put them in the recycler.”

Kathryn’s eyes widened and she bounded gazelle like in front of Chakotay. “Oh no you don’t… I haven’t had real, unreplicated coffee in seven years and I haven’t had a cup of replicated coffee for the last two. You try to recycle that and I will personally make your life a living hell.”

Chakotay started laughing and handed her the package of un-ground roasted beans, “And here I thought going without might have gotten you over your addiction.”

“Not a chance, Mister. It’s not an addiction; it’s genetic. Part of the Janeway heritage.” Kathryn popped the seal on the bag and breathed in deeply, an almost satisfied grin spreading over her face. She turned to make her way into the kitchen.

“Uh uh,” Chakotay stopped her gently, and caught her eyes, “That is where I am putting my foot down. Coffee after you’ve eaten a decent meal.”

“Are you cooking?” Kathryn smiled.

“You mean three years on your own and you still can’t cook?” Chakotay looked at her incredulously.

Kathryn’s lop sided grin reappeared, “Well I haven’t managed to poison myself yet, but I wouldn’t exactly call it cooking.”

“I’m cooking.” Chakotay shook his head and moved into the kitchen to see what stores she had put up. “There are more roasted beans in the case and some seed beans from the look of it. We’ll have to see if we can grow our own coffee bushes. It’ll take a while before we’ll have our own beans though even if we do, so we’ll have to ration it out.” Chakotay pulled out some canned tomatoes and other vegetables from the storage bins as well as a bag of some native grain that seemed similar to rice. It was then that Chakotay noticed the silence, and turned worriedly towards the eating alcove. Kathryn stood there, her eyes large and doe like starring at him. Slowly she came forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself up and pressed her lips against his. Reaching up, she tangled her fingers in his hair while opening her mouth to invite him to taste her.

Chakotay almost gave into her fevered attentions, but then pulled back. “Kathryn, not yet.” Her eyes looked hurt and scared, so he stroked her face reassuringly and continued speaking, “It wouldn’t be fair to you if I did this with you now. I wouldn’t be making love to you; I’d be making love to my Kathryn. The Kathryn I couldn’t have. And you wouldn’t be making love to me, you’d be with him.” He bent his head towards the path to the cairn. “Give us some time to find a place in each other’s hearts.” He gently wiped a tear that had trickled down her cheek as he spoke. “I promise it won’t take long.” She nodded reluctantly. Chakotay knew he spoke the truth. The years of solitude had eroded this Kathryn’s self-imposed barriers so badly that Chakotay already felt as if he knew her heart.

“Can I help?” Kathryn asked as she moved towards the stove and the ingredients he’d set out, putting herself into action to help dispel her emotional turmoil.

“Do you want to learn to cook?” Chakotay asked, “That’s the only way I’ll let you help me, if you’re willing to learn.”

Kathryn winced a little then rolled up her sleeves. “So what do I do first?”

Chakotay nodded and moved to her side. “First, we have to get some water boiling.”

“That much I can do.” She answered with a smile and a wink and pulled out a pot to fill with water.

******************

Kathryn finished clearing their dishes from the table as Chakotay filled a cup with coffee for her. Midway into the kitchen they traded burdens with each other, Kathryn returning to the dining alcove with her fresh brewed cup of coffee while Chakotay put the dishes into the sink. Chakotay stopped and retrieved the tricorder and med kit before returning to where Kathryn sat. He had completed a full scan of her, before she even noticed what he was doing. She looked up at him, vague annoyance displayed in her face. “Will I live?”

Chakotay smirked, “Other than severe malnutrition and vitamin deficiencies, you’re healthy.”

“And the damned virus…” Kathryn remarked bitterly.

Chakotay sighed, “I can take care of that too.”

Kathryn’s eyes widened, “You were cured. You can cure me…” Chakotay nodded. Expecting what he considered the inevitable. “Then we could leave the planet if necessary.”

The last comment caught Chakotay off guard. “If necessary?”

“Of course, I don’t think I would leave here now, unless it was necessary. It’s become home.” Kathryn answered, “Bet you never expected to hear Kathryn Janeway say that.” Her expression belied her pleasure at having surprised him.

“No” Chakotay smiled back. ‘But I prayed to the spirits I might.’ He thought as he looked into this Kathryn’s eyes with undisguised hope. Loading the hypo with the first ampoule into the hypospray pulled from the med kit, “This will take care of the vitamin deficiencies.” He pressed it against her arm and released the spray into her with a slight thumb movement. Then removed the empty ampoule and loaded another, “This is the cure.” He repeated the process. She reached up and absently rubbed the spot where he’d injected her. “We’ll have to depend on my cooking skills to fix the malnutrition.”

“If tonight’s meal was any indication, I’ll be fighting something other than malnutrition in a few months. I can’t remember when I ate so much.” Kathryn laughed as Chakotay sat on the other side of the table. She finished her last mouthful of coffee and yawned deeply. “I think after today an early night is called for.” She stood slowly and walked back towards the sleeping alcoves. “You’ll be relieved to know that we don’t have to re-arrange them. My Chakotay and I never got to combine the bedrooms before…” She bit her lip.

Chakotay wrapped his arms around her, comforting her in the midst of her unhappy memories. He waited for a few moments before releasing her. Allowing her time to pull her emotions together. She turned in his grasp and looked up at him, “Stay with me tonight, Chakotay.” She pressed a finger to his lips to prevent him from answering to quickly. “We won’t do anything. Just so, if I wake up in the middle of the night, I’ll know this isn’t all a dream. Just hold me.”

Chakotay thought about if for a moment or two, then nodded in agreement. They took turns using the washroom; Chakotay changing into a pair of loose, drawstring cotton pants to sleep in, while Kathryn slipped into a long cotton t-shirt-like nightgown. Chakotay looked at the small bed, then at Kathryn. “This could be interesting.”

Kathryn shrugged as she pulled down the blanket and sheets for him, “You first.” Chakotay slid between the sheets and lay as far to the side as possible. Kathryn climbed in; pulled him closer to the middle, then nestled herself against his chest, like a kitten snuggling into a warm space.

“Comfortable?” Chakotay asked, an amused grin spreading across his face.

A muffled “Yes” could be heard from the figure nestled against him.

“I hope the computer light control still works. Computer lights out.” Obediently the lights flickered out until only starlight twinkled through the windows. “Good night, Kathryn.” The only sound to be heard was her gentle snoring.

******************

Chakotay sat on the roof, removing yet another damaged panel, when a whoop of pleasure issued from within the shelter. “Kathryn?” He called down.

She appeared a moment later carrying a steaming bowl of something. “Would my partner in crime like to come down and have lunch? I have some of his favorite mushroom soup to tempt him with.”

“Did you cook?” Chakotay asked teasingly, grimacing at her.

“No, this is fresh out of our newly repaired replicator. The one here likes me better than the one in my cabin did.” Kathryn answered as Chakotay came down the ladder. She stepped back and set the bowl on the bench by their door, while picking up and handing him a clean, wet towel. Chakotay ran the course material over his face and muscular torso, and then sat in the grass in front of her. She smiled and settled next to him then handed him the bowl of soup.

Chakotay gingerly lifted the spoon to his lips, blew softly on the hot liquid then sipped. His face contorted into a horrible grimace. “What? Too hot? Did I burn it? Does it not taste right? I scanned it with the tricorder to make sure it wasn’t poison.” Kathryn flipped around so she was directly in front of him, looking at him with desperate eyes. It was when Chakotay’s grimace turned into a malevolent grin that Kathryn realized she’d been taken.

She smacked his arm, “I forgot what a horrible, ungrateful man you can be.” Chakotay was laughing fully now and Kathryn couldn’t help but join in. When they were both back under control, Kathryn walked back into the house and returned with another bowl of soup and some fresh bread they had baked that morning. After settling down and starting to eat, Kathryn looked at the house appraisingly, “Will it be ready for the storm season?”

Chakotay finished a mouthful of soup, while looking at the building. “All the major repairs are nearly finished. You’ve rebuilt the generator and the replicator. There are some improvements storm proofing wise that I would like to accomplish, but if it doesn’t happen this season, we can always do it the next.”

“Will you need my help with much of it? I really should get back to getting our harvest in out of the garden, and preserving it. Plus turning the garden over, mixing in the mulch and getting it ready for the next growing season. I want to be ready to try some of our Earth seeds in the spring.” Kathryn looked at her garden eagerly now.

“You really do like ‘mucking’ in the dirt now, don’t you?” Chakotay smiled at her.

“Believe it or not, yes. My mother would be having a field day. Kathryn Janeway, poster child for the 24th century, whom she couldn’t get to pull a weed in a flower patch, actually likes tending her garden.” Kathryn shook her head at herself.

“She’d be proud.” Chakotay said placing his hand on her shoulder supportively.

“I’d like to think so. I just wish she could see it.” Kathryn sighed. “Well, no time like the present. You have to get that last roof panel on before dark and I want to get my Talaxian tomatoes off the vine, tonight.” She pulled herself off the ground and then offered him a hand up as well.

Chakotay chuckled as he made his way back to the ladder, “And here I thought you’d like sleeping under the stars.”

“Ha, only if you’re offering to put in a skylight.” Kathryn answered with a yell as she moved into her garden.

*************

After some discussion, Chakotay had decided to move into the other sleeping alcove, for the time being at least. He’d spent the first week in Kathryn’s alcove, for her comfort. Now, towards the end of the second week, he felt it was time to stick to his resolve and move into the other sleeping space. Kathryn seemed a bit sullen as they packed up the personal belongings of his counterpart. He or Kathryn kept the clothing, either out of practicality on his part or sentimentality on hers. Chakotay felt a little odd as he packed the last of the personal effects into the box; something was missing that he couldn’t quite place.

“Are you missing this?” Kathryn stood in the doorway clutching the fur wrapped medicine bundle that must have belonged to his alternate. She reluctantly held it out to him. “I didn’t really do very much with my spirit guide before… and then after I couldn’t even though I kept his medicine bundle with me.”

“Neither did my Kathryn,” Chakotay grinned at her, “If you’d like to keep it, I’m certain he wouldn’t mind. I know I wouldn’t have… On the condition that you learned to use it, of course.”

“Are you certain… I mean it won’t bother you?” Kathryn looked somewhat amazed.

“It won’t bother me. He was a part of your life. Does my Kathryn bother you?” Chakotay asked.

“Honestly?” Kathryn grinned and she motioned with her hand, almost pressing thumb and forefinger together, “Maybe, just a little.”

Chakotay chuckled, “Well it doesn’t bother me, but you should add things to it that mean something to you Kathryn. You need to make it your bundle now.”

Kathryn smiled and started to turn away before she looked back at him, “You’ll continue teaching me to use it?”

Chakotay nodded and watched her leave. ‘Probably in search of things to make the bundle hers.’ He thought absently as he sealed the container. He lifted it and carried it out towards the cairn. They had decided to bury his alternate’s possessions near him. As he walked, Chakotay mulled over the past couple of weeks. Things had gone well. They had banished several phrases from their vocabulary, like “remember when”. For the most part, they had less trouble than he had expected keeping their previous lives from colouring their current situation and their relationship was slowly evolving into something unique from what his original relationship with his Kathryn had been. Without the barriers between them they were quickly becoming almost symbiotic in their understanding of each other, yet both still had the ability to surprise the other. It was still very new, but Chakotay was looking forward more and more to this life with this Kathryn.

Chakotay approached the cairn and placed the box reverently in the hole he had already prepared for it. Kathryn hadn’t wanted to be a part of this. She vehemently stated that she didn’t need any further closure on her time with the other Chakotay. Her denial more than anything else, concerned Chakotay, but he had learned through experience when he could win a fight with Kathryn Janeway. This wasn’t one of those times. He took his time covering over the box, using the steady rhythm of his movements to create an almost trance like state, working out his concerns in his mind. When he finished, he silently thanked the spirits and his alternate for giving him the opportunity to restart his life, for having gotten through the tough times with this Kathryn and then moved towards the shelter.

“Akoocheemoya, I am far from the lands of my ancestors, far from the bones of my people,” Chakotay could barely make out Kathryn’s words as she intoned the chant from somewhere behind their home. He moved silently towards her, she was sitting on the shady side of her garden, eyes closed, medicine bundle laid out in front of her. Chakotay’s keen vision already identified some new items on the leather, four tiny rank pips glinting in the sun and a handful of coffee beans. He moved silently to her side, watching as she shifted uncomfortably and growled under her breath.

“Not having much luck?” He asked quietly.

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked towards him, “No. Are you finished?”

“Yes.” He looked at her appraisingly, “Did you want my help?” He could tell from her body posture that she was frustrated at not being able to do this alone, but she looked up at him and nodded. Chakotay inclined his head towards her and smiled, “I’ll be right back.” He went to the house to retrieve his own medicine bundle.

He returned to her side, sat down and unwrapped his own bundle. “You’re too tense, Kathryn. Close your eyes.” Kathryn closed her eyes again. “Now take in a deep breath. Hold it.” Chakotay watched her, “Now let it go slowly.” Her chest slowly depressed. “Again.” As she repeated the process several times, Chakotay could see the tension flow from her body. “Now pick up your akoonah and the river stone.” They both lifted their psychoactive devices, holding them in the proper way to activate it and focused their attention on the carved stone. “Now together.”

Their voices blended together, “Akoocheemoya, we are far from the lands of our ancestors, far from the bones of our people…” and gently reality fell away.

**************

Chakotay found himself at his father’s campfire in one of the rain forests of Earth. “Hello my son. You seem surprised to see me.” The older man regarded him with an amused look.

“Are you my father or his?” Chakotay asked.

“Does it matter, if he was Chakotay and you are Chakotay, then aren’t I both of your fathers.” Came the cryptic reply. Chakotay smiled. Some things never changed. “You worry that you didn’t follow the correct path. That you didn’t wait long enough for Kathryn.”

Chakotay nodded. His father was in fine form for this quest, pulling the words from his mind before he could even vocalize them.

“You are here with Kathryn, aren’t you? And where you came from, Chakotay is still with Kathryn.”

“Yes,” Chakotay was beginning to understand.

“Then the universe is at peace and so should you be.” Chakotay nodded, settling back against the heavy loam of the forest bed and looked out into the stars of the Alpha Quadrant.

*************

Kathryn smiled as the gentle wind blew through her hair and the sound of the waves hitting the shore filled her ears. She looked around expecting to find Chakotay, but instead only found the little lizard.

“Hello,” She said as she crouched down, trying to hide her disappointment.

*You expected to find him here* The lizard’s tongue flicked from his mouth.

“I suppose he’s in his own vision.” Kathryn inclined her head towards the lizard as she settled down on the rocks and pulled her knees to her chest.

*He is. But he is not who you expected* The lizard regarded her with one swiveling eye. Kathryn was caught off-guard by the lizard’s thoughts. She looked at him with widened eyes. *You wish to know if he is angered that you have accepted another* The lizard lounged lazily in the sun. *You judge him by your own reactions*

“My reactions” Kathryn’s voice was cold as she spoke. She didn’t like examining her own emotions.

*Maybe, just a little* The lizard’s tongue flickered in amusement as he pushed her own words back at her. Kathryn breathed deeply trying to push away her feelings. *All are one*

Kathryn looked at her animal guide quizzically. “What does that mean?”

*The one who was here before is where he is needed now. As the one who is here now is where he is needed* The lizard regarded her with it’s dark eyes. *All are one*

“You mean he is with another version of me somewhere in the spirit world.” Kathryn asked.

*All are one* The same cryptic reply. *You are with him. He is with you*

“He’s not alone.” Calmness slowly seeped into her soul with her understanding.

*Neither are you* The lizard added. *The universe is at peace and so should you be*

Kathryn smiled and looked out over the ocean, enjoying the smell of the salt sea and the cool breeze on her skin.

*************

“Don’t laugh, Cha-ko-tay,” Kathryn glared at him.

“Not very good with wood are you,” Chakotay could barely hold in his laughter as he watched her suck on her thumb, her long ponytail bouncing from side to side with her pained movements.

Kathryn sniffed disdainfully, “I’m an engineer, damn it, not a carpenter.” She straightened the legs of her cut-offs, which were converted uniform pants as she crouched beside him again, still occasionally shaking her thumb

“Hmm, I thought you were a Starship Captain.” Chakotay teased.

She looked around as though looking for a starship, “Not much call for that around here. So I’ve had to fall back on my other profession of being a scientist.”

“I thought you said you were an engineer,” Chakotay was openly laughing now.

Kathryn blinked at Chakotay; “Being out in this sun is giving me a headache.” She fanned herself dramatically.

“Not to mention freckles.” Chakotay added as he swiped at her nose with an errant finger. “If you want your bathtub finished, hold this board.”

Kathryn reached over and held the board tight as he secured it. “I want a bath now, Chakotay.” Kathryn’s eyes took on a mischievous spark. “Finish my tub now, Mister. That’s an order.”

“It’s an order is it?” Chakotay stood menacingly, eyes glinting. “I don’t think I see any starships around here, *Captain*.”

Kathryn fell over backward, laughing as she tried to pull away from him. Chakotay caught her wrists and hauled her to her feet, then unceremoniously slung her body over his shoulder. “So the Captain needs a bath, hmm… I think I can accommodate her.”

Chakotay set out down the path towards the river as he balanced her now squirming body. “No, Chakotay, no… You will not dump me in the river.” Her screams of dismay fell on deaf ears as they followed the path.

“Sorry Captain, no one here but you and your friendly neighborhood Maquis terrorist. I’m afraid I’m currently engaged in an act of terrorism against Starfleet, so I can’t in good faith rescue you at the moment.” Laughing, Chakotay clung to her while her arms and legs started flailing wildly as they approached the bank of a small inlet that was fairly deep and still.

He pulled her off his shoulder, still restraining her arms, and held her cradle style for a moment. “Chakotay, don’t do this… I’ll give you anything you want.” Kathryn pleaded her eyes large as though scared but filled with merriment.

Chakotay stopped for a moment as though considering, then looked at her with a grin, “You’ll give me whatever I want anyway.” In a blink, Kathryn found herself drenched, spluttering like a soaked cat.

Kathryn stood and glared up at Chakotay. “I am going to make you pay for that.”

“I’m certain you will.” Chakotay could barely stop from laughing. Looking down at her, the sunlight glinting from her skin and the water, he realized how quickly her body was making a recovery from its previously depleted condition in the past few weeks. Tanned and well muscled, only her collarbone now showed obviously under her tight fitting tank top. Her legs and hips filled out her now cut-off uniform slacks, and the muscles that rippled down their length into the water looked as though they belonged to a younger woman. In his opinion, life homesteading had a much more beneficial effect on Kathryn Janeway than life on a Starship did.

“What are you staring at?” Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

Chakotay knew she had caught him staring and smiled, “Deciding whether to prolong my suffering or to end it.”

“Throw yourself on the mercy of the court and you might get off easy.” Kathryn smiled malevolently.

“I doubt that.” Chakotay answered, but stripped off his shirt and did a perfect dive into the cold water. As he came up, he noticed Kathryn was nowhere to be seen until he felt a strong tug on his legs that flipped him backwards into the water.

She came up from the water looking particularly satisfied. “So Maquis, ready to surrender? I have orders to capture you, you know.”

“Not on your life, Starfleet.” Chakotay said, stealing B’Elanna’s nickname for Harry, as he came up from the water and rushed her. Kathryn started splashing madly, trying to fend him off but he laughed and dove under the surface again, only to come up on her from behind, grabbing her waist solidly, then pulled her underneath.

They both came up laughing, splashing madly trying to see who could send the biggest wave the other’s way. In amidst the waves of water, Kathryn disappeared from sight again. Chakotay peered into the murky depths but their fun had stirred up the river’s natural silt. He turned slowly, trying to be aware of even the slightest movement in the water. Then with a whoop she was on his back, her arms around his neck and her legs wrapped around his waist. “You’re my prisoner, Maquis.”

“Pretty sneaky, Starfleet. You should have been with us.” Chakotay laughed as he managed to pull her around so that she was clinging to his chest. “So who’s got who now?”

She looked up at him, childish joy reflecting in her eyes. Chakotay looped his arms around her waist and her gaze softened, searching his face. He looked down at her, drowning in the azure pools. His lips descended on hers and Kathryn met him eagerly, gently opening to him. The soft velvet of his mouth bruising her silken lips as they crushed together. Tongues moved against one another, caressing and stroking. They pulled apart, still holding each other’s gaze.

“You’re still my prisoner.” Kathryn’s voice was throaty as she released her legs from around his waist and stood in front of him while keeping her arms around his neck.

Chakotay smiled as he leaned close again; “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Their lips met again. Tongues probing and exploring. As a wind kicked up, Kathryn shivered. Chakotay pulled back, “We better get back to the house and warm up.”

Kathryn nodded and they walked back to the house hand in hand.

*****************

Kathryn turned over another shovel full of dirt as she worked the mulch into her garden. She smiled as she readied her garden for the next growing season. Since the water fight two weeks ago, she and Chakotay had been taking small steps towards deepening their physical relationship. It wasn’t unusual for her to be awoken with a kiss and a cup of coffee in the morning now, for them to sit under the stars holding each other, or even for Chakotay to lay his head in her lap while she read aloud. Strangely even though they were so much closer to consummating their relationship, Kathryn now felt as content as Chakotay to just allow their relationship to blossom naturally. The urgency she had felt when he first appeared faded as she began to believe that he wasn’t going to disappear at any moment. She had never felt as special or as cherished in any relationship she had had before, as the one she now shared with Chakotay.

“Stands to reason, Kathryn. You’ve never had anyone willingly strand themselves on a primitive planet for you before either.” She mumbled with a smile.

Just then a familiar shadow fell over her, “I thought we agreed there was no more talking to yourself anymore.”

“I wasn’t talking to myself,” Kathryn sniffed, “I was talking to the monkey.”

“I thought we named him George.” Chakotay smiled, eyes twinkling and dimples in full force.

“Woman’s prerogative changed my mind.” Kathryn focused on adding another shovel full of mulch to the soil. Chakotay smile broadened, he liked hearing ‘woman’s prerogative’ rather than ‘captain’s prerogative’. As she bent to turn the soil, she grimaced and pulled at the material of her light blue, cotton dress, which was stretching in unnatural ways. “Damn this dress is one of my favorites. It’s all your fault…” She glared at Chakotay.

“You look beautiful.” Chakotay said honestly. He liked the slightly rounder shape Kathryn had started to display.

“Ha,” She stood up and shook her head at him; “You’ll be saying that about me when I’m out to here.” She held her hand about a foot in front of her stomach. For a moment both stopped, looking at each other in the silence.

Chakotay broke the silence, “You’ve thought about this?”

Kathryn nodded and met his gaze; “I’d like children.” Chakotay almost said ‘I know’ but caught himself. She smiled, “You knew. My alternate told you.”

“Actually she didn’t tell me, she told Q. I just happened to be on the bridge at the time.” Chakotay offered. He was a little shocked. At the mention of alternates, he realized he hadn’t thought about the Kathryn he’d left behind in weeks, perhaps not since the vision quest he and Kathryn had gone on. He came to the bittersweet realization that he didn’t think of the Kathryn he’d left behind as his Kathryn anymore. His Kathryn was standing in her garden, watching him as she read his soul with her eyes.

“Q” Kathryn arched an eyebrow, “You ran into him again?” Chakotay nodded in answer. “Should have expected that, he was a bad penny for Picard. And I told him I wanted children… Do I dare ask why?” Chakotay shook his head no. He hadn’t liked encounters with Q before, and that one had been the worst. He flinched as he remembered that Kathryn’s outburst.

Kathryn saw Chakotay’s reaction. Obviously something about those memories were painful, so she moved towards him, cupping his chin with her hand and waited patiently for him to continue. “So is there anything good about Q’s visits?”

“After the last one, I have a harder time hating him.” He took her hand in his gently.

Kathryn smiled, “Your crew made it home.”

“Yes, but it didn’t have anything to do with Q.” Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn nodded, understanding. “Do you think my crew made it home?”

Chakotay nodded, “Tuvok would get them home for you. It might take longer, and it would probably be a different voyage, but they’ll get home.”

“And we’re here.” Kathryn smiled, turned her back to his chest and leaned against him.

“Yes, we are.” Chakotay liked the way Kathryn said ‘here’. It sounded like ‘home’ to him. “We got sidetracked.”

“Hmm?” Kathryn was enjoying his warmth against her back.

“Children… You want them.” Chakotay sounded somewhat amused.

“Yes, I do. I believe the ball would be in your court.” Kathryn turned and looked at him with the half-grin and her head cocked to the side.

“Have you thought about raising them here, alone. Just us. What sort of life would they have to look forward to?” Chakotay asked, his tone now serious.

“When the time comes, if the time comes, we can leave. We have the shuttle. I’ve run full systems check every six months and she’s operational. Now that you’ve cured me, there’s no reason we couldn’t go find a populated planet should the situation arise.” Kathryn answered levelly. True to form she’d already thought this out.

“The Delta Quadrant wasn’t your first choice of places to raise children in.” Chakotay countered. “Vidiians, Kazon… The Borg are out there somewhere.”

Kathryn countered, “And some good ones too. The Ocampa, the Talaxians… We could even head back for the 37’s planet. I’ve come to realize that if I wait for the ideal situation, that certain things will just never happen.” Kathryn half shook her head, “That’s not something I am willing to allow. This is perfect as far as I’m concerned. If it gets to be less then perfect, we’ll fix it.” Kathryn looked at him. “Do you want to have a family, Chakotay?”

He could hear the unspoken ‘with me’. Chakotay smiled, “Yes, Kathryn, I’d love to have a family with you. Just making certain everything was thought through. When you’re right, you’re right. The Vidiians may not even be a threat anymore, in the universe I came from a cure for the phage was found quite a while ago.” Chakotay thought about how that cure was acquired before continuing, “Probably paid for in blood.”

“Chakotay, everything the Vidiians have is paid for in blood. Someone else’s.” The steel in her voice brought Chakotay’s eyes to hers once again. Her carriage, the fire in her eyes. Something that he didn’t know was missing and hadn’t known he had missed until she appeared again. Captain Janeway was back, but tempered by Kathryn, put in balance with the whole. A sense of rightness flooded Chakotay’s soul, now everything was as it should be. Any doubts he had about her readiness to pursue the relationship faded away.

Chakotay took Kathryn’s hand and started leading her away, “Come on.”

Kathryn followed Chakotay without question. They walked hand and hand under the trees, enjoying the sunshine. Kathryn broke the silence, “You know we just decided to have a family together and we haven’t even…” Kathryn laughed. “Does that seem odd to you?”

“Not in the least,” Chakotay chuckled with her. “No point in rushing. What’s the point of the destination if you don’t take the time to enjoy the journey?”

Kathryn nodded, then looked at him and grinned crookedly, “Took me long enough to get that, didn’t it?”

“You mean you’ve gotten it?” Chakotay teased. Kathryn smacked his chest but joined him in his laughter.

*************

Chakotay groaned. They had finished the bathtub today and he’d finished clearing all the deadfall and cutting it into firewood. His next project would be to modify the shelter to include a fireplace but that was an activity for another day. Now after his shower, he was feeling every muscle in his body and knew without a doubt he would pay tomorrow. He wrapped a towel around his waist and moved towards the door.

Kathryn watched as Chakotay came out of the bathroom walking stiffly, “Feeling your age today?” She smirked as he moved towards his sleeping alcove. Chakotay answered with another groan. “You know if I’m not allowed to skip meals, then neither are you.” Kathryn continued. “Just lay down and I’ll make your pain go away.”

“You’ve got a phaser handy?” Chakotay finally spoke as he fell face first onto the surface of his bed.

“Not quite…” Kathryn answered as she came back into his alcove and sat on the edge of his bed. There was a pause then he felt a slow trickle of warm oil along his spine and then Kathryn’s hands began to knead the taught muscles in his back. Chakotay groaned in pleasure as her fingers pressed into the soreness, forcing the pain to fade and the ribbons of tension to release.

Kathryn relished the feeling of working the scented oil into the velvet of his skin. Exploring the lines of his back with her hands, then working her way along his arms, back to his neck and down to the edge of his towel, the patchouli and orange scent infusing the air as the oil warmed between his skin and her hands. “Feeling brave?” Kathryn asked playfully as her hands worked the small of his back near his towel.

“The rest of the muscles in my body would hate me if I wasn’t,” Chakotay said with a grin. “You’ve been holding out on me. It seems I’m not the only one with talented hands.” He lifted his hips slightly to allow her to unbind the towel from his waist, leaving it beneath him.

“Maybe you’ve never deserved knowing what I can do with my hands before today.” Kathryn teased, “Besides I expect payment in kind.” She added more oil then her hands pressed against the hard curves of his buttocks then moved down the length of each leg, working the muscle groups until they relaxed beneath her ministrations. “Flip over.”

Chakotay rolled onto his back, pulling the towel with him to cover his groin. Kathryn had a small smile on her face as she glanced up his body to meet his eyes. Both were trying to ignore his obvious arousal, instead concentrating on the massage, yet the outline of his manhood beneath the towel couldn’t help but catch her notice and cause a flush to her skin. Her fingers dug into the muscles of his feet, then she explored slowly up the front of his legs, over his hips, and along the rippling lines of his stomach and chest. Chakotay’s eyes were closed and his breathing was even, as she moved to sit alongside his upper body. She stroked her fingers along his temples and over the bridge of his nose, studying his features as much as gently massaging away any leftover tension.

Chakotay enjoying her touch reluctantly opened his eyes and looked up into her face. “Thank you. It’s your turn now if you’d like.” Kathryn stood up and stepped aside almost shyly as Chakotay pulled away the towel, stood up unself-consciously and spread his towel down on the mattress where he wanted Kathryn to lay.

Kathryn caught the waist of the sundress she was wearing and gently tugged it up over her head, leaving her in her underwear only. She felt incredibly self-conscious in front of Chakotay, standing only in her lace bra and panties, as she scanned his face for some sign of approval. Kathryn was only too aware that she had become unhealthily thin in her years alone, but now she felt almost obese even though she knew logically that she was probably only approaching a proper weight. Chakotay allayed her fears as he smiled appreciatively and motioned for her to turn around. As she did, Kathryn felt his nimble fingers work the fasteners on her bra. When it was loose she slipped it off and set it on the edge of his bed, then she rolled her panties over her hips and let them fall to the floor.

Chakotay’s impulse was to turn her around again so he could admire her fully, but he could tell by her posture that she was uncomfortable and decided to give her some time to adjust. “Hop up and stretch out.” She settled on the towel; face down, her body relaxing now that her exposure was limited. Chakotay poured some oil on his hands then started to work it into the silk of her skin. She shivered at his touch, as he used feather-light strokes to spread the oil before gradually increasing the pressure against her muscles. Wanting to relax her as much as she had him, he started gently on her neck knowing this was the region that most of her tension collected. Her gentle moan of pleasure signaled him that he was having the desired effect, but he continued to stroke and work the muscles until they felt pliable beneath his touch. Moving slowly down her back, he closed his eyes taking pleasure from the texture of her skin beneath his fingers. His fingers grazed her sides, probing gently underneath and barely stroking hidden flesh.

Kathryn shivered again as she felt Chakotay’s gentle teasing touches against what little of her breasts he could reach. She longed to turn over and invite his touch, but that would spoil their slow exploration of each other. The tender caress of his hands against her skin was pushing her into a state of bliss, both relaxing and awakening her at the same time, but in different ways. As his hands reached the small of her back, Chakotay found the other repository of accumulated stress in Kathryn’s body. She gasped almost in pain as he started to work the kinks out of her muscles there. “Spirits, Kathryn. Between your neck and your back, if these muscles weren’t pulling your spine so hard, you’d be several centimeters taller.” Chakotay teased.

“I think there’s at least twenty years of accumulated stress there, Cha-ko-tay.” Kathryn chuckled softly. “Maybe the ever increasing height difference is how my glare got so deadly.”

Chakotay laughed then slowly started to lower his hands, waiting to see if her body tensed at all. Her muscles flexed as though he had touched a ticklish spot as he moved his hands, but she stayed completely relaxed as his hands cupped her buttocks and kneaded the soft flesh. As Chakotay coaxed her body into a state of relaxation, he allowed his mind to imagine what they would soon do with each other. Even if it didn’t happen tonight, after this exploration of each other the final act would be all the sweeter for the time spent learning each other’s body. Slowly he moved down her legs, enjoying the feel of the hardened muscles beneath the softness. When he reached her feet, he worked gently on different pressure points causing Kathryn to gasp as she felt the almost electrical sensations work their way up her body.

As she felt Chakotay’s attentions to the soles of her feet slowing, she gently turned herself over without being asked. Demonstrating, finally, the level of trust she had found with him. Smiling at him in encouragement, she met his eyes with no more embarrassment in her carriage. Kathryn’s realized that her earlier apprehension had more to do with her own fears of his reaction to her body, than any lack of trust in him. His gaze dispelled any notion of hers that she was somehow lacking and now she found herself wanting him to see all of her. As she heard Chakotay whisper, “Spirits, woman, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” She smiled gently and layback, closing her eyes so she could focus on the sensations his hands would rouse in her body.

For the first time Chakotay was seeing Kathryn completely naked and he was breathless. Every part of her was perfectly Kathryn, completely proportional to her small body. From the length of her neck, the elegant sweep of her shoulders, the fullness of her breasts with their rosy nipples and light dusting of freckles, the small swell of her stomach, the patch of red curls nestled between the creamy skin of her thighs, the curved length of her legs to the delicate shape of her hands and feet, she was perfect. His hands worshipped her as he slowly caressed his way up her body, forcing himself to only progress when he felt her muscles relax under his touch. As he moved over her hips, curiosity got the better of him and he allowed his hand to gently brush the red curls, causing her body to shiver. Kathryn’s stomach trembled as he touched it gently; he smiled making note of her ticklishness for later reference.

Kathryn felt short of breath as Chakotay stopped for a moment to add some oil to his hands. Now that he was massaging her upper body, her anticipation of his touch was driving her to distraction. As his hands started to caress her breasts she sighed in pleasure. While the sensations were strong, she felt helpless to respond actively. Her muscles patently refused her commands; they felt disconnected and completely relaxed. “Oh, Cha-ko-tay…” Kathryn sighed breathlessly as she looked up at him. Chakotay leaned down and captured her lips with his. When he released them she continued, “I don’t think I can… Not that I don’t want to.”

Chakotay slid down next to her, pulling her body to him, discarding the towel, then settling their bodies spoon style. “Shh… Did you enjoy it?” Kathryn nodded. “So did I. Anything else would be too much, right now.” Kathryn pressed her body back tightly against his, and he surrounded her with his embrace then pulled her comforter over both of them.

“I think we’re both missing supper tonight.” Kathryn mumbled as she faded off into blissful sleep.

**********

Kathryn’s mind became aware of the luscious scent of coffee being held just below her nose as she returned to consciousness. Her eyes opened slowly and she found herself drowning in the dark, warm pools of his eyes. “Happy birthday, Kathryn.” Chakotay sensuous voice intoned.

“It’s my birthday?” Kathryn looked honestly surprised.

Chakotay nodded, “May 20th on the old Earth calendar.”

Kathryn shook her head; “I completely lost track of Earth time when I was alone. Birthdays and such didn’t hold much importance. Not that birthdays are my favorite thing anyway.”

“I guarantee they will be one of your favorites now.” Chakotay waggled his eyebrows, “As you’re the lady who has everything.” Chakotay gestured to the interior of the shelter making Kathryn snort with laughter. “I decided the best thing I could give you is a day of pleasure just for you.” He turned and picked up a tray table and set it over her lap as she sipped her coffee. “The waffles are homemade, though the ingredients were replicated. The strawberries, whipped cream and syrup are all replicated too. The juice is from those orange-like fruit you found that you like so much.” Kathryn felt her legs go weak as he smiled and turned the full force of his dimples on her. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a bath to prepare for the birthday girl.”

Kathryn sat quietly eating her breakfast. As much as she was enjoying it, she found herself missing Chakotay. She shook her head in disbelief. ‘What’s happened to you, Kathryn? You can’t bear to even eat alone while he prepares you a bath.’ In moments however, as though he had sensed her loneliness, Chakotay reappeared and sat at the end of her bed. “How’s breakfast?”

“Wonderful,” Kathryn spoke after she washed down her current mouthful of waffle with another gulp of her coffee. “I could be very appreciative, if I got this service everyday.” Kathryn smiled at him innocently.

“Then what would I give you for your birthday next year,” Chakotay pretended to pout.

Kathryn’s mischievous grin and glittering eyes told him all he needed to know but her words confirmed what she was thinking, “I could think of something you could give me that I’d love for my birthday.”

“I suppose we could wait that long if you really wanted to…” Chakotay teased.

Kathryn’s mind wandered back to the massages of a week ago and shuddered, there was no way she could contemplate waiting that long. She wasn’t even certain how she’d managed the last week. She pushed her tray away and crawled to the end of her bed until she was nose to nose with Chakotay. “No.”

“No, you don’t want to wait *or* no, you don’t want that at all.” Chakotay was having fun at her expense.

Kathryn pinned Chakotay’s hands with her own. “No. I. Don’t. Want. To. Wait. AT. ALL.”

Chakotay leaned in and kissed her hard then pulled back. “Your bath awaits.” He stood and pulled her to her feet, then led her outside to her bathtub. The water smelled of roses and jasmine and Kathryn could see the steam rising into the cool morning air. “Lift your arms,” his breath tickled her ear as he whispered. Without hesitation she complied and he quickly slipped her nightgown off of her body, laying it over his arm in one smooth motion. Taking her hand, Chakotay helped her into her bath.

Kathryn sighed as she felt her skin surrounded by the soothing heat of the water. She leaned back with her eyes closed, listening to Chakotay’s movements only. After a few minutes, she felt his hand on the back of her neck. “Trust me,” his voice was husky.

“Always,” Kathryn spoke as she relaxed against his hand and let him control her movements. He slowly slid her body further into the water and submerged the back of her head, carefully wetting the rest of her hair with his other hand. He brought her back to where she could lean against the edge of the tub, and Kathryn kept her eyes closed, listening to his movements again. Some rustling and a pop, then she felt the sensation of the cold, slick liquid trickling against her scalp. She shivered then Chakotay’s warm fingers started working the shampoo into her hair, caressing her scalp and making her moan gently. The gentle scent of her strawberry shampoo lingered in the air mixing with the scents of her bath oil. Under it all was the natural sandalwood and spice scent that was Chakotay’s own. Kathryn let herself be swept away by the sensations loosing track of time and letting herself drift into her daydreams, as Chakotay tenderly lathered her hair. Feeling his hand against the back of her neck again, she didn’t resist as he moved her so that he could rinse her hair ease. He tilted her neck and then she felt the cascade of water, carefully directed over her head and away from her eyes, rush over and through her hair, making her shiver. Moving her back into a resting position, Kathryn recognized the tingling sensation of her mint conditioner before the scent joined the others as Chakotay ran his fingers through the length of her hair, spreading the lotion. She felt the length of her hair being coiled on the top of her head.

Sound was Kathryn’s only assurance that Chakotay was still with her for a few moments, then the gentle touch of a soft washcloth caressing her hands and slowly working it’s way up her arm assaulted her senses. Kathryn almost giggled; she certainly hadn’t been bathed by anyone else in some time, certainly in conscious memory anyway. However as she forced her mind to let go and she relaxed, she felt herself swept away on a current of arousal. She felt the cloth run over her collarbone and she tensed in anticipation of its rough texture against the sensitive flesh of her breasts.

Chakotay grinned as Kathryn’s back arched, pushing her chest harder against his hand and the washcloth. She had kept her eyes closed since sinking into the bathtub and it was amusing and stimulating to watch the range of emotions as they passed over her face, not to mention the flush of her skin. He could feel her hardened nipples through the cloth and had to shift slightly to compensate for his own reaction. He ran the lathered cloth over her skin and down her stomach leaving a trail of suds, as he watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest. He pressed slightly harder as his hand dipped below the surface of the water, over the small swell of her stomach, through the soft curls and down to her inner thigh. Kathryn raised her body to meet his touch, but Chakotay was determined to continue this without giving into their desires yet. He stroked the cloth along her soft skin, insuring that no part of her front was left untouched, and then with gentle hands he encouraged her to turn over onto her stomach.

Kathryn, not wanting to give up his touch on the front of her body, reluctantly rolled onto her stomach supporting her head on her arms, which were crossed in front of her over the edge of the tub. Keeping her eyes closed, she felt the rough caress of the cloth against her back. It felt like heaven as Chakotay ran the cloth against the skin just below her shoulder blades where her bra would lay. Chakotay must have heard the quiet satisfied sigh she gave, because she could hear his soft chuckle and the cloth found its way back over that particular spot. Chakotay tenderly ran the washcloth over every inch of her exposed back then moved under the water. Shivers ran up her spine as she enjoyed this part of Chakotay’s birthday present. She opened her eyes briefly and looked up at him as she felt his touch leave her body.

“Turn over for me again,” Chakotay requested.

Kathryn complied without complaint, her movements languorous and seductive. She settled back and felt Chakotay’s hand on her neck again. She let herself go limp once again, allowing him to position her so he could easily rinse the conditioner out of her hair. As he finished, he settled Kathryn against the back of her tub once again. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

Chakotay leaned down and brushed her lips with his own. “Do you want to sit and soak for a while longer or is the water too cold already?” Kathryn considered for a moment then stood slowly. Chakotay only allowed himself a moment to admire her glistening body, before picking up a large towel and wrapping her in it as she stepped from the tub. Once she was completely out of the water, Chakotay took another towel and gently squeezed the water from her hair, then wrapped it as well. “The day is yours to do anything with but work and I am your humble servant. You will of course have to excuse me later so that I may prepare our picnic supper.”

Kathryn grinned evilly, “I could definitely get used to this treatment.” Her face scrunched up in a look of disgust as they reached the edge of the platform Chakotay had built for her bathtub. “Problem with an outside bathtub is that I have to get my feet dirty again to get to the house.” Chakotay rolled his eyes, but in an instant Kathryn was swept into his arms and carried back to the shelter.

“Problem solved.” Chakotay set her back on her feet once they were inside.

“Not unless you intend to carry me back from the tub every time I take a bath.” Kathryn challenged. Chakotay’s answer was an evil grin. Kathryn picked up one of her books that had came with her from Voyager and stretched out on one of their benches, not bothering to get dressed. Chakotay cocked an eyebrow at her. “Just because I don’t have to work doesn’t mean you don’t. I’m going to sit here and supervise while you clean up the kitchen.” Chakotay shook his head and Kathryn stuck out her tongue. Sitting down beside her on the bench, he removed the towel from her head. Slowly he worked her comb through the length of her mane. Once it was completely tangle free, Chakotay French-braided it into one long plait that reached to her waist. Shivers ran up Kathryn’s spine from his gentle touch, “I think I’ll keep you.” She teased as he went about doing other household tasks.

The rest of the day was spent quietly. Kathryn enjoying watching Chakotay as he worked, while she lounged about reading and sketching. Chakotay served a fresh green salad, with hot tomato soup, fresh baked bread and pecan pie for lunch. After lunch however Chakotay dressed her in one of her sundresses and a hat, and shooed her out of the house complaining that he would never get her surprise for tonight complete with her loitering around the house. Kathryn finally exited the house under protest, and proceeded to promote a healthy sense of paranoia in her partner by ensuring he caught her sneaking around the windows and doors at opportune moments. Picking wildflowers and sketching filled the remaining time until Chakotay once again summoned her to the shelter.

The sun was starting to set as Kathryn poked her head back into the shelter. “Did you have fun?” Chakotay met her at the door wearing a pair of form fitting brown slacks and a white button down shirt with a matching brown vest. Kathryn smiled in approval then nodded as he took her hand and led her to her sleeping alcove. “You’ll find everything you need laid out on your bed. I’ll be packing supper.” Kathryn stepped behind the glass partition and looked around inquisitively. She reached out and lifted the sky blue, silk dress off the bed and held it against her skin. The bodice was sleek, sleeveless, back less and held up by ties behind her neck, the waistline high and the skirt was a knee length, slightly pleated affair. It had been so long since she’d had reason to wear such an elegant dress, that she anxiously stripped off her sundress and made a b-line for the bathroom and the shower. A few minutes later, she re-emerged, wrapped in a towel and made short work of dressing herself. She looked back on the bed and found a pair of flat bottom, soft leather sandals with long laces, which were meant to be wrapped around her calves, waiting for her as well as a pair of hair combs with turquoise inlay.

After putting on the shoes, Kathryn turned her attention to the task of drying the mass of her hair and trying to arrange it into some sort of elegant style. Twists and buns were no longer a viable option with the length her hair had attained, and she suspected Chakotay would have a fit if she cut it. Instead she braided part of it, and then wrapped the braid around the mass of the rest of her hair creating what appeared to be a ponytail that was being held by the braid. Finally she carefully twisted tiny ringlets from the shortest strands that would not be held, framing her face. The combs she pushed into the edge of the braid. Even though she knew Chakotay didn’t think she needed any cosmetics, she put on a minimal amount of blush, lipstick and shadow, just enough to satisfy herself. A light spray of her favorite scent and she was ready for her birthday dinner with Chakotay.

Chakotay’s breath caught in his throat when Kathryn emerged from her room dressed in the outfit he had replicated for her. “Do I pass inspection, Chakotay?” She asked, her voice playful and husky.

“Surpass, I’d say.” Chakotay answered after a moment and offered her his arm carrying the picnic basket with the other. They walked out to the hillside where she and Chakotay had named the constellations visible from this planet before. A soft blanket was already laid out so that Chakotay simply maneuvered Kathryn to where he wished her to sit. Opening the basket, he began to pull out the delicacies that he had selected for their dinner. An assortment of lightly battered vegetables and mushrooms, a freshly baked loaf of French bread, a spinach dip and a variety of cheeses, crackers and fresh fruit. After arranging the various plates, Chakotay continued to set the mood by setting out several candles. "For after watching the sun set." Once again he reached into the basket, "I saved the best for last." He pulled out a silver metal bucket that held a suspiciously familiar green bottle. "Chateau Picard ‘43. Replicated I am afraid, Tom didn't seem to have packed any of the good stuff."

"I love champagne, Chakotay." Kathryn seemed honestly surprised. "There aren't any of the strawberries from breakfast left is there?"

Chakotay grinned, "And here I thought desert would be a surprise for you. Good thing I came armed with Plan B." Kathryn smiled as Chakotay pulled her close. "We are just in time for the show." Kathryn looked at him oddly. Chakotay smiled enigmatically and pointed to the horizon. As the sun began to sink, the sky became a kaleidoscope of soft purple, orange, and green. Kathryn sighed and nestled herself deeper into his side. She felt completely at peace when Chakotay’s arm wrapped possessively around her shoulders. They sat that way for several minutes before Chakotay gently drew her attention back to dinner. Taking a moment to fill her plate, he then turned his attention to lighting the candles.

Kathryn eyed the bottle of champagne. "Is that strictly for desert Chakotay?"

"Not if the lady would like it with dinner", Chakotay answered. Kathryn’s answer was an inviting smile. Chakotay lifted the bottle from the bucket and proceeded to strip the foil and wire cage from around the cork. Seconds later the air was filled with a loud pop as the cork flew from the bottle, followed by Kathryn’s melodic laughter as champagne gushed from the mouth of the bottle over Chakotay's hands. As the flow of liquid slowed, he retrieved a champagne flute, filling it, and handing it to his companion. Chakotay then filled another glass for himself. Chakotay raised his glass in toast, "To the most bewitching woman I have met in any universe and in any time on the occasion of her birthday. May she continue to bewitch me for many years to come."

Kathryn blushed in response to Chakotay's toast but raised her glass in answer. Chakotay stayed close to Kathryn, picking up one of the fried mushrooms and holding it in front of her lips. Kathryn’s first instinct was to protest that she could feed herself, but she pushed the fiercely independent, non-romantic part of herself to the side and opened her mouth to accept the morsel from his fingers. She savored the mild flavour of the mushroom in contrast to the slightly tangy flavour of the batter. Kathryn caught Chakotay’s eyes as she licked her lips, removing the slight crumbs of batter from them. Never releasing his gaze, she reached out and picked up another of the battered vegetables and held it out for Chakotay. In turn, he took the proffered food from her grasp with his mouth, a pleased look crossing his face as he enjoyed the mouthful. Far too aware of the tension mounting between them, and knowing if things continued this way they’d never make it through dinner never mind dessert, Chakotay reluctantly broke the eye contact and commented, “Not too bad if I say so myself.”

Kathryn pouted slightly as Chakotay strove to reduce the tension running between them. Looking at how handsome he looked in the combination of candlelight and moonlight, she realized she didn’t want to rush to finale of this evening either. Instead she settled back, relaxing, allowing the soft light and pleasant company to set her mood and accepting Chakotay’s pace. Their voices echoed in the silence of the night as they talked about everything and nothing, still feeding each other tidbits of food, the champagne flowing freely. “So what’s my surprise, Chakotay?” Kathryn leaned close; her eyes heavy lidded as she gazed at him.

Chakotay smiled as he reached into the basket once more. “Strawberries… But you guessed that.” He set the bowl filled with the bright red berries in front of her. Reaching in again, he smiled deviously. “Chocolate sauce.” He dipped a finger in the gooey substance and sucked it off, then he dipped it in again and offered it her. Their eyes met again as Kathryn’s mouth surrounded his finger, surrounding it with wet heat and suction before releasing it again to the cool night air. Chakotay shuddered as he set the bowl on the blanket. Without releasing her gaze, he pulled out another bowl, “Whipped cream.” Kathryn licked her lips like a cat that has gotten the cream. Chakotay smiled at her, knowing without a doubt that he had saved the best for last once again. He brought forth a metal pan and he grinned knowingly, “Caramel brownies.”

Kathryn’s entire demeanor changed, at once becoming more animated and child-like. “Caramel brownies…” She looked excited and reluctant at the same time, “Thank you, Chakotay. I know I’ll love them.”

Chakotay understood her reluctance, but also knew that it was unfounded. “You will.” He replied with confidence as he handed her a piece.

“Mmmm,” Kathryn’s apprehension melted as the brownie came into contact with her tongue, finishing the mouthful she looked at Chakotay with misty eyes, “Chakotay… These ~are~ my mother’s caramel brownies… How?”

Chakotay smiled, thanking the spirits that Gretchen Janeway’s caramel brownies were a universal constant and a certain Admiral from the Prime universe that had thoughtfully left the recipe amongst his belongings. “When I came remember I said that my benefactors knew exactly what Kathryn Janeway would want…”

Kathryn’s vision was blurry from the combination of alcohol and barely restrained tears, “My mother ~never~ gives out that recipe.”

Chakotay pulled her close. “I honestly don’t know love, but I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought you’d enjoy a real taste of home on your birthday.”

“Oh Chakotay… Thank you. I’m not upset.” Kathryn looked at him as he looked at her skeptically, “Not really. It’s a wonderful present, a reminder of good memories of what we left behind, and a hope for what we’ll build here. Maybe one day, I’ll make those brownies for our children.”

“I think you’d better get past cooking the spaghetti noodles, before you aim at making brownies.” Chakotay teased seeing the tears pass and the sparkle of the future return to Kathryn’s eyes.

Kathryn shook her head at him and narrowed her eyes, “Don’t be mean to the birthday girl… We all have to have goals.” Kathryn’s expression changed and she giggled at herself, “No matter how impossible they may be.” She picked up another piece of brownie and pushed it to Chakotay’s lips. “You have to try it.”

Chakotay bit into the brownie and had to admit it was very good. Kathryn settled back, putting her head in his lap, nibbling on her piece of brownie while sipping her champagne and gazing at the stars. “Do you miss it?” He asked gently.

Her gaze was wistful but Kathryn shook her head, “Not really. When I surrendered to this life, my priorities changed and then I changed. I miss it the way I miss Earth. Part of my life that’s time has passed. I don’t even know if I’d like the life Starfleet would want me to live. They’d probably want to put me behind a desk.” Kathryn’s nose crinkled in distaste; “This is much preferable to a desk.”

Chakotay’s eyes met hers and they both felt the tension increase again. He picked a strawberry from the bowl and dipped it into the chocolate sauce, then slowly lowered it to her lips. She opened her mouth slowly, her tongue guiding the strawberry between her teeth then swirling over the sauce, before biting into the fruit and allowing the juice to coat her lips. The look on his face told her, that her little show was appreciated. Soon another dipped strawberry was waiting for her, slightly higher above her mouth than the last. Kathryn raised herself off his lap, slowly enveloping the tip of the strawberry with her lips coating them with chocolate. With an almost audible pop, Kathryn sucked the strawberry into her mouth, and then closed her eyes in pleasure as she savoured the sweet berry as she settled her head back against his legs. She opened her eyes again, fixing a smoky gaze on him. Chakotay reached into the bowl and pulled another strawberry out, only paying half attention to dipping it in the sauce. As he moved it over her face, a large drop of excess chocolate chose that opportunity to fall landing squarely on the tip of her nose. Kathryn looked vaguely annoyed and her eyebrow crept up her forehead Vulcan style, which made Chakotay chuckle.

Chakotay gently lifted Kathryn’s head then slowly planted a gentle kiss over the chocolate on her nose, his tongue caressing away the sauce. He lifted his mouth away and looked into her eyes to find his own longing reflected there. He pulled her into his embrace, his lips capturing hers, tasting the champagne, strawberries and the chocolate sauce over her own unique flavour.

Kathryn moaned into Chakotay’s mouth as his lips claimed hers. Their tongues came together, caressing and probing against the other. Kathryn trembled in his strong arms and wrapped her own tightly around his neck, pulling him closer while molding her body to his. As their passions rose a wave of dizziness overcame her. She closed her eyes, trying to push the sensation back, hoping that it was an effect of her passion and not of the champagne she had consumed.

Chakotay felt Kathryn become limp in his arms for a moment and pulled back to look at her, “Kathryn? Love…”

“I love the champagne, but after five years without I don’t think it loves me anymore Chakotay.” Kathryn focused on him with some difficulty. “I’m sorry.”

Chakotay would have laughed in frustration if she hadn’t looked so dejected. He felt like kicking himself. Really it was his fault, he should have thought about the fact that she hadn’t had champagne in so long especially real champagne and considered the effect it might have on her. “It’s okay, love.” He answered kissing her forehead gently.

“We have the damnedest timing.” Kathryn sighed now feeling suddenly sleepy; “It wasn’t Tuvok, or Harry, or any of them… It was us.”

“Hush,” Chakotay lifted her into his arms, “When the time is right, it’ll happen. For tonight, we’ll just have to go back to sharing your bed.”

********************

Waking to Kathryn’s cold feet wedged between his calves, Chakotay tried to move away from them. He gave up. In doing so, he removed the pleasant sensation of warm skin, the rest of her body pressed snugly against his own.

Opening his eyes and looking down, his sight caught a tousled mass of red hair pressed against his chest. He bent his head and inhaled the sweet scent of her hair. After short consideration of all the facts at hand, he decided that, overall; the good in the situation outweighed the bad. His arms pulled her closer, but as his mind became sharper; he became aware of his need to leave the bed at least for the moment. Sighing in frustration, he disentangled himself from his partner’s embrace. Kathryn grumbled in her sleep, and moved to lie in the warmth he had left, rolling herself in the comforter as she did.

‘A blanket thief as well,’ he thought slowly, his mind still sleep addled as he moved to the washroom. Away from the pleasant distraction Kathryn caused him, his mind sharpened further and he became aware of a low whistling noise from outside. He moved to the window of the kitchen to see the trees bending in the wind and the light morning sky taking on a darker hue once again. “Plasma storm,” he said to no one in particular. He dressed quickly, briefly considering waking Kathryn, ‘Storm is far enough off. I should be able to have us battened down, before it hits working alone.’ He thought as he discounted the idea.

The wind whipped against his body as he stepped outside and forced his body to the first set of releases for the storm shutters. Without waiting for them to roll down, Chakotay stumbled to the next set. The storm seemed determined to thwart him, but in minutes he managed to ensure that the shelter and its occupant would be safe. Chakotay started to move back to the entrance, then stopped with a muttered curse as he remembered noticing the shuttle’s deck tethers hadn’t been engaged. Even without a proper deck, it was standard procedure to have them engaged as they acted as landing stays. Pulling his jacket around him tighter, he looked up, the storm still wasn’t at full force and if he moved quickly he might have enough time to engage the deck tethers and make it back to the house.

Chakotay struggled down the path towards the shuttle when the rain began to pelt down, so hard that it forced him to his knees and blinded him. He forced him himself up again against the wall of water and considered his options. He was closer now to the shuttle than to the shelter. From a purely logical standpoint he knew he should continue on to the shuttle, but knowing how the other Chakotay had died he didn’t want Kathryn to wake without him there in the midst of the storm. As Tuvok might say, his logic was uncertain where Kathryn was concerned.

Turning around, he found going back easier as he was moving with the wind. A sudden flash momentarily blinded him as the first plasma streamer hit a tree near him, and the shock wave sent him flying into the nearby brush. Landing with a sickening thud, Chakotay lay crumpled and bleeding amongst the underbrush. He fought against the creeping unconsciousness, pain shooting through his chest as he tried to move. Survival training told him he needed to find cover. Another plasma streamer lit the darkness and Chakotay could see the cairn not far from where he lay through the rain. Crawling along the ground, ignoring the pain in his chest and the debris cutting into his hands he slowly moved to the slight shelter the rock covered grave offered. He collapsed as he reached his goal, barely able to get a breath, struggling to maintain consciousness. “Can’t leave her again…” he breathed as thought faded to black.

********************

Kathryn woke to a loud whistling sound. At first her mind thought it was Chakotay’s kettle but then it registered that the sound was too low pitched for that. She pulled herself up slowly, her mind registering that she had far too much space in her bed. After the night’s birthday celebration, she distinctly remembered Chakotay joining her in her small bed. While nothing had happened, the warmth of his body and security of his embrace was definitely missing.

Every muscle in her body froze as the whistle turned to a roar and walls of the shelter rattled. Kathryn’s breath caught in her throat at first, then her voice rang out. "Chakotay" her eyes grew wide as his lack of response sunk in, "Chakotay", she repeated as she moved into the living area, looking for him in vain. Her calls for him became more desperate as the sounds of the plasma storm shook the small cabin. She sank to the floor of the kitchen and wedged herself beneath the dining table holding her knees to her chest. As the storm raged outside, Kathryn’s desperate plea could barely be heard. "Not again," she cried until it became a mantra, with each repetition growing in volume until it could compete with the howling of the wind.

She stood as she raged. Slowly a deathly calm came over her and a cold fire lit in her eyes. Her voice was even as she said once again, “Not again.” Her mind was racing, analyzing where Chakotay could be. Her mind flashed back to where she had found her original Chakotay after that plasma storm and the accident. Securing the shuttle. Moving as quickly as she could, she put on the jumpsuit that she used for repairs and a heavy jacket, grabbed their med kit, wrist lamp and took a deep breath. “I will not loose you again, Chakotay. Not without a fight.” She stepped forward triggering the door just as a sickly green flash from the plasma storm illuminated the darkness, and wind blew daggers of rain against her skin and tried to push her back into the shelter. With a grimace Kathryn forced her body forward into the storm.

Walking into the wind, she was soon soaked to the skin and freezing, but she was barely aware of the discomfort as she moved down the path towards the shuttle. Her lamp illuminating the darkness, she determinedly scanned the landscape before her looking for any sign of Chakotay. Forging forward again, another plasma streamer illuminated the sky, and Kathryn caught sight of a still smoking, scorched tree to the side of the path. A shiver went down her spine, as she moved near the tree and inspected the area around it. Just off of her line of sight, she caught sight of the flattened patch of brush from the corner of her eye. As she moved in for closer inspection, a small scrap of cloth caught on the branches as it fluttered wildly. Yanking it from its captivity, Kathryn’s eyes grew wide and she looked around furiously. Instinctively she called out for Chakotay but the wind drove her voice back into her throat and she choked on her own breath. The green glow of the plasma illuminated the dark again, drawing her attention toward the area of the cairn. Her eyes blurred, more now from incipient tears than the wind and the rain; the cairn an unnecessary reminder of the urgency of the situation. Just as the glow was fading, another strike rekindled the light. She gasped convulsively as she saw the figure crumpled against the side of the cairn.

Fighting the storm to reach his side, she knelt beside him and felt for his pulse. Though it seemed strong, his breathing sounded thready and his pallor was bad. Cursing under her breath, she ran her hands over his body in a cursory exam. She couldn’t find anything broken though she suspected the ribs, but he had multiple small lacerations, which were covered in mud and debris. The scent of super hot oxygen filled her nose as another plasma bolt hit the ground far too close to the cairn than was comfortable. “Come on, Chakotay.” Kathryn spoke into his ear, “You have to get up. We can’t stay here.” Kathryn’s concern grew when Chakotay didn’t respond at all. “Damn you, Chakotay.” Kathryn’s eyes flared, “GET UP, COMMANDER. THAT’S AN ORDER.” When he didn’t respond once again, Kathryn’s heart felt as though it would pound it’s way out of her chest. With the adrenaline rushing in her ears, she growled, “I guess I am going to have to carry you.”

Moving him into a sitting position against the rocks, Kathryn grabbed his left arm, bent over and pulled his body up over her shoulder. Her legs nearly buckled under their combined weight, but with a snarl she forced herself upright and moved down the path towards their home. The wind was with her as she walked, but the rain stung as it hit her skin. Her muscles straining as she moved, her eyes fixed forward on her goal. She breathed an audible sigh of relief as the shelter came into sight. Stumbling the rest of the way to the entrance, she hit the release button with her hip and slipped into the security of their cabin. Moving quickly to the sleep area, she pushed Chakotay onto her bed before the fear driven strength that had gotten her to the cabin ran out. After once again checking his pulse, she sank to the floor beside the bed, allowing for a moment exhaustion to claim her body.

Pulling herself upright again Kathryn pulled out the tricorder and scanned Chakotay. Shaking her head as she realized she had been right about the broken ribs and winced as it registered a puncture in his lungs. Moving on automatic pilot almost, she pulled a tissue regenerator out of the kit forcing her mind to recall the correct settings for respiratory tissue from her basic medical training and placed the instrument in the correct position to heal the injury to his lungs. She pulled the bone knitter out next and worked on repairing the broken ribs. Standing over him, she checked once more to ensure that he was stable and his injuries were healing. As she finished she realized that she herself was suffering from shock and exhaustion and sank to the floor beside the bed, allowing herself to succumb to unconsciousness.

**************************

Chakotay stirred and felt an ache in his chest. “How long?”

Kathryn leaned against the frame of the partition between their sleeping alcoves, cradling a cup of coffee. “Welcome back to the land of the living. We were both out cold for about sixteen hours. ” She moved closer to the bed and he moved slightly, wincing, to accommodate her. “Your lungs are healed perfectly. I guess I remembered basic medical better than I thought.”

“I’d like to think you had good motivation.” Chakotay commented.

Kathryn rolled her eyes and ignored his comment. “Your ribs are healed too, though they’ll probably be tender for a few days. I trust you’ve learned not to go out in anymore plasma storms alone.” Kathryn glared at him and he nodded amiably. She winced as she stretched her neck, “I know I’ve learned that the floor beside the bed is not a good place to sleep off a rescue.”

“How’d you get me back here?” Chakotay sat up slowly with Kathryn’s help.

Kathryn shrugged and blushed, “I carried you.”

“You. Carried. Me?” Chakotay looked at her in amazement.

“You weren’t in any shape to walk yourself. You even disobeyed a direct order. So I carried you.” Kathryn’s mannerisms told Chakotay that she wanted to downplay her rescue of him.

“You are an amazing woman, Kathryn.” Chakotay smiled and felt a sharp pain in his cheek. “Damn.” He hand flashed to the side of his face and felt a slight raised area.

“Carefully,” Kathryn put her hand over his. “The dermal regenerator was running out of energy by the time I had to heal the smaller cuts, so I either had to ration the power and partially heal all of them or only heal some of them. I opted for the former until the regenerator recharges.”

“They sting,” Chakotay winced.

“I could kiss them and make them better,” Kathryn half teased.

Chakotay just leaned slightly and pointed to the livid red mark on his face. Kathryn laughed and shook her head, then bent and gently kissed the tender skin. Chakotay touched another small red spot on the temple that bore his tribal mark. “Here.”

Kathryn’s lips followed his fingers to the spot, their warmth against his skin, they parted and the tip of her tongue caressed the mostly healed wound. Chakotay shivered under her electric touch, then pointed to the tip of his nose, where no wound had been. “Here.”

A crooked grin washed over her face as her lips pressed against the tip of his nose, and she playfully blew hot breath against his skin. His eyes darkened as they met hers in passion. They paused for a moment, and then he pressed a finger to his lips growling, “Here.”

Her lips enveloped his passionately; all of the fears of nearly loosing him translating into need to possess him. She opened her mouth slightly pressing her tongue against his soft lips. Their passions entangled as their tongues danced against each other, and Kathryn moved to straddle Chakotay’s prone form. Her lips danced against his then slowly began to move down his chin, and along his neck. Her breath heating his skin along the trail of kisses. Kathryn breathed in the musk of his scent, enjoying the taste of his skin as she nuzzled the crook of his neck. A gentle rumble in his chest caught her attention, and her eyes widened in disbelief. She sat up and looked down at him, unsure whether she wanted to scream in rage or cry in frustration. “Oh Chakotay,” Kathryn sighed as she looked down at his sleeping form. Slowly she started to pull away, when a strong hand caught her wrist and she whirled back to face him. Chakotay’s eyes were open and he was grinning widely. “You,” she snarled in mock rage swinging her legs off the bed, then grabbing the edge of the coverlet and flipping it back, exposing his nude body. “Are going to pay for that…” Kathryn pulled her wrist out of his grasp, starting a slow strip tease leaving no room for doubt that now was finally the time.

Moving to a rhythm set only by the driving beat of their hearts; Kathryn reached up and released her red tresses from the clasp that held them at the top of her head. Spilling over her shoulders as Kathryn swayed seductively while she unbuttoned her light blue sundress. Button by button, she revealed more of her soft skin while Chakotay watched with growing need. She allowed the dress to fall off of her shoulders, revealing their elegant slope. She approached allowing the dress to drop away further with each step; her movements reminiscent of a jungle cat yet still keeping the beat of the internal rhythm, holding his eyes with her own. Gracefully she turned away from him revealing the length of her back marred only by the solid strap of her bra. With mostly hidden movement, the bra soon came loose and with a flick of her arms fluttered to the floor. She moved away from him again, hips swaying as her hands rolled the satin panties down and away, until with two small steps they fell to the floor revealing the luscious curves of her ass. Slowly she turned to face him. Standing in front of him, her hair hanging over her breasts and across her nipples, her hands found her hips in a sensual parody of her command ‘pose’. Chakotay felt his already hard manhood tighten further.

One of Chakotay’s fondest fantasies was playing out in front of him. He had always harbored a desire for Kathryn to be the one to initiate their first lovemaking. He wanted her to want him enough to come to him. It would never have happened in the universe he had come from but here and now, it was. His eyes smoldered as he held out his hand. As she took it, her eyes met his with equal passion. She walked slowly to the edge of the bed, and then climbed on, straddling Chakotay once again. He could feel the damp heat of her sex against the hardness of his stomach.

Pinning his arms above his head, Kathryn slowly bent down to claim his sensuous lips again, nipping them while she kissed him. Their tongues came together, stroking each other, heightening desires, as they tasted the other. The earthy taste of him, the musk of his scent, and the hardness of his body below her intoxicated her. Their bodies moved against each other, anticipating what was soon to come. Kathryn pushed her body forward slightly and sat up; careful not to rest her weight against his recently healed chest, but offering her breasts to his mouth.

Chakotay eagerly took one of Kathryn’s rosy nipples between his eager lips, kissing and rolling it before sucking it fully into his mouth. He felt her gasp then her tremble against him. He closed his eyes as he suckled the nub contentedly enjoying the little animalistic noises she made as he did so. He heard Kathryn’s breathing quicken, but released his captive to hear her groan at the loss of his mouth. He lifted his head and nuzzled her soft skin, burying his face in the mounds of her cleavage then planting hot, wet kisses against the flesh. Kathryn moved slightly, trying to silently urge him to take her other nipple. Slowly he made his way towards the target she desired, teasing with licks and kisses, almost taking the target to become distracted by a freckle that just cried out to be kissed. Finally, he engulfed her nipple in his mouth, sucking hard, rolling it between his teeth before settling into suckling it as well. Kathryn’s back arched and she gasped loudly, stiffening against him. He could feel the growing wetness where she straddled him, smell the scent of her arousal and he took pleasure in her release. As Kathryn recovered, she pulled back and Chakotay allowed the nipple to come out of his mouth with an audible pop. “Bastard,” she hissed breathlessly then fell on his mouth for another passionate kiss.

Breaking the kiss, Kathryn lifted herself gently and slowly slid back, nibbling her way over the strong line of Chakotay’s jaw, down his neck to the hardness of his chest while the ends of her hair tickled his skin. She felt the tip of his manhood touch her ass and stopped for the moment, her mouth descending over one of his nipples, catching it in her teeth and pulling gently. His groan was her reward as her tongue danced over the sensitive flesh, flicking at it mercilessly. With a mischievous grin, she released it then blew gently across the wet nub. Chakotay shivered and rumbled, “Woman!” Not nearly satisfied, Kathryn switched to his other nipple sucking it into her mouth and suckling at it as he had hers. His hand cupped the back of her head and stroked her silky hair, moaning gently. Releasing his nipple, she lifted herself up again, settling over his member so it remained flat against his body. Kathryn could feel his thickness nestled flat in her folds, and imagined what it would feel like when she finally took him inside. Slowly, she slipped back; enjoying the tantalizing sensation as her clit ran over his length. Then she could feel his hardness pressed into her stomach, then between her breasts, as she caressed his manhood with her body while positioning herself. Their eyes met again as she sat up again and wrapped her fingers around his member.

Chakotay groaned as Kathryn’s mouth enveloped him, their eyes locked together. The heat of her mouth against the sensitive skin was exquisite torture as her tongue joined the dance and sensation forced him to close his eyes. Releasing him, she pulled away partially, running her tongue along the base of his manhood then swirling up the length, while gentle fingers massaged his balls. Taking only the head into her mouth again, she sucked and licked while her hands stroked the length. The sensation was rising to a critical level as Chakotay felt his hips flex upwards to match the rhythm of Kathryn’s strokes. “Kat… Need to be in you. Not like this.”

Kathryn looked up and met his gaze once more, purposefully allowing the length of her hair to brush over his hard shaft. Chakotay groaned and shuddered. She grinned and moved to straddle his waist again. “Kat… I like the sound of that.” For a moment she couldn’t decide what to do next. She wanted him inside of her as much as he wanted to be inside of her. However, they had been building up to this for so long that she wanted to savour it for as long as possible. She leaned over him, her erect nipples brushing against his smooth skin and captured his lips for another kiss. As they devoured each other’s mouths, Kathryn came to the conclusion that she wanted to feel him devour her. She pulled away from his kiss with a reluctant moan. The rising emotion and arousal gave her a forwardness that she wouldn’t have expected of herself. “Chakotay, I want your lips against my clit. I want your tongue inside of me.”

Chakotay smiled as he took her hand and guided her forward. She moved carefully over him, mindful of his recent injuries. As she came close, he put his hands on her hips and guided her forward the rest of the way. Nuzzling the soft curls of hair, he inhaled the sweet scent of her womanhood before he parted the lips and his tongue caressed her interior folds. She shuddered with his first touch, forcing Chakotay to steady her with one hand on her hip. He flicked his tongue, lapping eagerly at the tender skin. Kathryn’s moans rang in his ears as his tongue pressed deeper. He was carefully teasing her, avoiding making contact with the tiny bundle of nerves so central to her pleasure. Her hips undulated above him, restraining them with just one hand was difficult. Mindful of what they would do next, Chakotay slipped a finger deep inside her stroking along with his tongue’s caress. Kathryn moaned deeply and she thrust herself down on the intruding digit. Chakotay added a second and a third, slowly preparing as much as possible for their lovemaking all the while running his tongue against her moist sex.

Chakotay’s attentions had pushed Kathryn to the edge but she couldn’t seem to find a way to push herself over. Tears of frustration played at the edges of her eyes, as she ground herself down on his fingers. The velvet smoothness of his tongue massaged her tender skin skillfully and sent pulses of pleasure up her spine. She felt him pull away for a moment, and Kathryn started to pull away as well intent on mounting him as quickly and completely in the shortest time possible, when she felt both his hands on her hips restraining her. She groaned in protest until she felt his mouth surround her clit and flick it with his tongue before sucking on it fervently. Kathryn’s vision narrowed as an explosion of pleasure coursed from the tiny bundle of nerves directly up her spine and into her brain. Followed closely by a spreading warmth from her belly that extended down all her limbs. “Cha-ko-tay,” Kathryn screamed out as her orgasm overtook her and left her shuddering in his arms.

Kathryn collapsed over Chakotay, and felt his arms surround her. She basked in the comfort of his embrace, but slowly as her strength came back so did her need for him to be inside of her. She lifted herself up, smiling down at him. He returned her gaze with equal adoration. Their lips came together in another passionate kiss before Kathryn moved down his body again. This time Chakotay held one of her hands supporting her, while her other hand grasped his turgid member. Guiding the head of his shaft to her opening, she slowly started to envelop him inside of her body. As she stretched to accommodate him, Kathryn whimpered slightly. Though she was taking it at her own speed, it was still a great change from the past seven years. She felt Chakotay’s other hand take hers, their fingers knitting together while their eyes locked. “I love you, Chakotay.” Her voice was like a caress as she sheathed him within herself. When the slight pain passed, she moaned in pleasure from the feeling of fullness at her center. Slowly she lifted herself up, and then ground her hips down again with a slight twisting motion. Chakotay’s eyes closed and he groaned in pleasure. Setting the pace slow at first, Kathryn rode the length of his member fully enjoying the now slight stretching sensation each time she enveloped him. She flexed her muscles, gripping his member as it stroked in and out of her humid core. Each stroke seeming to translate the pleasure into her already sensitive clit. As her pleasure built, Kathryn’s pace increased and soon Chakotay was meeting her thrusts with enthusiasm. She could hear his breathing coming in short gasps now and it instinctually drove her to increase their pace. She felt Chakotay release her hands and grab her hips, pulling her down hard against his groin and forcing his manhood even deeper into her. A white light exploded behind her eyes as he did, feeling the pulse of his seed spilling within her and her muscles spasming, holding him within.

Kathryn collapsed over Chakotay again, this time satisfied and exhausted. As Chakotay tried to pull out of her and make her more comfortable, she stilled him with a hand and reached down for the coverlet. “No stay inside me. I want to sleep like this.” Her voice sounded dreamy as she pulled the covers over them. Chakotay kissed the top of her head and wrapped one of his arms around her, “I love you Kathryn”. Kathryn caught the other and pulled herself upright enough to look at his eyes once more. In silent communication their fingers knit together once more, then holding each other drifted to sleep.

***********

PRIME THREAD  
Stardate 58002.5

Q appeared in a blinding flash of light; intent on waking the Admiral and Chuckles from sound sleeps in order to fulfill his promise of one of the two visits Kathryn had asked for. He was somewhat disappointed to find her sitting in front of the viewport, facing away from him, rocking in a ~wooden~ chair, obviously awake. He was about to announce himself when he heard her quietly start to sing.

“Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling  
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side  
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying  
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.”

Moving to where he could see her better, Q fully expected Kathryn to notice him. However she was far to engrossed in the tiny bundle nursing at her breast. Q arched an eyebrow, these limited beings were always reproducing, weren’t the three they had already enough.

“But come ye’ back when summer's in the meadow  
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow  
'Tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow  
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.”

Kathryn’s voice was soft as a caress. It was curious, she claimed she couldn’t sing; yet Q noted she sounded quite beautiful as she sang to her offspring. Motherhood obviously agreed with her. She practically glowed.

“And if you come, when all the flowers are dying  
And I am dead, as dead I well may be  
You'll come and find the place where I am lying  
And kneel and say an ‘Ave’ there for me.”

Q crinkled his nose. He approved of the lesser races understanding their own limitations, but was that really an appropriate topic for a lullaby. Q’s mind reached out and looked for a more upbeat Irish lullaby. His eyebrow arched again. It seemed Kathryn didn’t have much choice in the matter; most of their traditional music was either dirge like or would have made Mr. Paris blush.

“And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me  
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be  
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me  
I simply sleep in peace until you come to me.”

Kathryn cooed to the small one as she finished the song. Q couldn’t help but smile; she really was the most extraordinary female. Then he realized where his thoughts had gone and he stiffened as his mind added, ‘For a inferior species.’ He cleared his throat to announce his presence. Kathryn’s head flashed up, and then she smiled gently, “Oh, it’s only you Q.”

Q’s eyes widened. “Your attitude has obviously not improved. Deal off… And if I didn’t like the other Kathys so much, I’d undo everything we did.” He turned to leave.

“Q. Wait…” Kathryn called out. She would have laughed at his tantrum, if she hadn’t wanted to go check on the progress of their project. “Wouldn’t you like to meet my son?” She stood and walked around him so; she was in front of him. Q stood pouting, his arms folded over his chest, looking off into ‘outer space’ for a few moments until he acknowledged her and her son standing in front of him. For a split second he looked thrilled to see the baby, then schooled his features into his normal disdainful expression.

“You creatures really do breed an awful lot. Perhaps it’s better I did take a Q as a mate, you’d have wanted more than one.” Q commented off-handedly. Kathryn looked at him in askance. Q looked at her, sighed and continued, “Oh right, wrong Kathryn Janeway. So what is the little squalling things name? Cochese or some other thing from Chuckles’ ancestry.”

“Actually, his name is Quentin.” Kathryn smiled as Q looked at her surprise barely hidden in his eyes. As he started to open his mouth, she held her hand up. “Not a word, Q. Don’t make me regret it.”

Q closed his mouth, but the slightly self-satisfied look never left his face. “I was going to say what a lovely name you chose. May I?” Kathryn looked at the omnipotent being, then at her little boy. Her protective mother instinct was almost overwhelming. “Come now, my dear. I am a father myself. I won’t hurt the little two legged, mammal child.” Reluctantly Kathryn handed the baby to Q, who cradled him quite skillfully in his arms. “Hello little man, you and your Uncle Q will have such fun together, exploring the universe. You’ll be quite advanced for one of your little species.”

“Q” Kathryn growled warningly. “You will not... You’re forgetting what thread you’re in Q. PRIME THREAD, where you have to follow the PRIME DIRECTIVE, unless invited.”

“Kathy… Mon Admiral, please…” Q’s puppy dog eyes were nowhere near as convincing as Chakotay’s, “You have to let me be this little one’s godfather. I made the Alpha Kathryn my son’s godmother, you should reciprocate.”

“You want reciprocation, Q. Get her to have children…” Kathryn said as she took her son back into her arms.

“Come now, Mon Admiral, we both know that’s not going to happen…” Q looked pleadingly at Kathryn once more and saw that she had that cold fire glint in her eyes. Q wisely backed off. “Very well. Shall we?”

“Let me put Quentin down.” Kathryn started to walk towards the nursery.

“Bring him along,” Q offered, “I am certain the other Chakotay would love to see the little fellow.” With a flash, the three disappeared.

*************

DELTA GAEA RAVEL  
Stardate 55081.3

Kathryn prime, Q and Quentin re-appeared in a remodeled emergency shelter. The dining area off the kitchen had been expanded, a living room with a fireplace had been added, and there was another room off to the side of the original sleeping area. “Chakotay’s been busy in the last…” Kathryn prime commented.

“Year,” Q supplied, “In more ways than one.” As he spoke, a disturbingly familiar scream issued from the original sleeping area. Quentin shifted slightly, but stayed asleep, as his mother moved to the source of the noise. Entering the bedroom, they found Kathryn delta semi-upright, propped up with pillows, sweat dripping from her brow.

Chakotay was crouched in front of her, their hands gripped together while he checked the readings of the tricorder. He looked at Kathryn delta, “Hang on, Kat. You’re close. Ten centimeters dilation.” Kathryn delta winced and nodded, her knuckles turning white as another contraction ripped through her.

Q sniffed in distaste; “Don’t you people normally lay down for this sort of thing?”

“Not the women of Chakotay’s tribe. It makes sense really having gravity on your side and it is easier after the first time.” Kathryn prime said, looking on with concern. Kathryn prime handed Quentin to Q and moved behind Kathryn delta, “Q make me solid so I can support her back, but keep me invisible.”

“You can’t,” Q sputtered.

“I can and I will. I normally have a midwife and my Chakotay held me from behind. This Chakotay has to deliver his own child. I won’t hold her, but she won’t even notice if I give her some support.” Kathryn prime glared at Q.

Q looked at Quentin; “Your mother is insufferable.”

“Q,” Kathryn prime growled.

“Done.” He said as he rocked the baby gently.

Kathryn prime positioned herself against Kathryn delta’s back. She muttered quietly, “Hang on sweetie, I’ve done this four times. You can do it.” Kathryn delta relaxed slightly as her unseen support took some of the pressure off her back.

“You can push with the next contraction,” Chakotay looked into her eyes. Kathryn nodded as the next contraction started.

“Damn it, Chakotay. Why the hell did I want to do this?” Kathryn delta screamed as she pushed.

Chakotay restrained a chuckle, “Another contraction and this will all be over, my Kat.”

Kathryn delta had noticed his near laugh and her eyes narrowed into a death glare, “Don’t ‘My Kat’ me, Mister. You laugh and you are never touching me again…”

Kathryn prime laughed out loud, remembering the hard time she had given her Chakotay with their first one, however the last three had been easy deliveries. Her Chakotay had joked that she had practically slept through the delivery. “Don’t give up on it yet…” She spoke knowing her alternate couldn’t hear her at all. “The babies are worth it.”

Kathryn prime felt Kathryn delta’s body tense milliseconds before her scream echoed through the small bedroom. Chakotay’s anxious voice was barely heard coaching his Kathryn to push, and Q stood looking absolutely bored and slightly nauseated at the entire process. There was a moment of silence and suddenly a new piercing voice echoed into the room. Chakotay laughed as he pulled his new daughter free and laid her gently on her mother’s stomach. “Hello my little kitten.”

Kathryn prime moved out of the way as Kathryn delta moved to lay back, her hand stroking her daughter’s small back despite the fact that Chakotay hadn’t cleaned her up from the delivery. As Chakotay lifted their daughter up, tending to the umbilical cord and wrapping her in a soft towel, Kathryn delta felt a pang at the loss of contact with her baby. Instead of taking the little one away he moved closer to his Kathryn, “You hold her Kat, while I go get a basin of water to clean her up with.” He handed her the little bundle; “You might want to try to nurse her.” Chakotay rose and left the room. Kathryn delta cradled her daughter close as she pulled open the loose fitting tunic she had worn for the birth, and brought her little one to her breast. She brushed the baby’s cheek with her nipple and the little one rooted lazily for a moment or two before latching on. It was too soon for true hunger, but both mother and daughter were enjoying the closeness that the effort brought. Kathryn delta took the opportunity to assure herself that all was well with her little one, counting fingers and toes, then gently running her fingers through the downy red hair that crowned her baby’s head.

Kathryn prime stood implacably in front of Q, blocking his view of the delta Kathryn’s attempts to nurse her new child as she reclaimed an awakened Quentin from his grasp. “This is not for you to watch, Q.”

“I am an omnipotent being. Do you really think watching an insignificant being would have any effect on me?” Q replied haughtily, trying surreptitiously to get another glimpse of the delta Kathryn and her child.

Kathryn prime shrugged, and then roughly pulled Q out of the room by the arm, brushing past Chakotay as she did. Q looked enraged as she finally stopped. “I don’t care if you are omnipotent. As soon as you admitted you wanted to ‘mate’ with my alpha alternate, your motives became even more suspect. Let them have their privacy. We will wait out here.” Q glared at her menacingly, but Kathryn calmly ignored him while tickling Quentin, who seemed to have his mother’s insomnia. Soon Q found himself forgetting about the others and his anger as his attention was captured by his namesake.

Chakotay returned to his new family’s side. Kathryn delta looked up at him contentedly. “Let’s get her and Mommy cleaned up so we can rest a while,” Chakotay’s voice was like a caress. Kathryn delta sat up slowly, unlatching her daughter from her breast, which caused her daughter to squall. Chakotay tried to suppress his laughter as his daughter’s cries triggered ‘let down’ in his Kathryn’s breasts which left his mate with two wet spots in her tunic, and her rolling her eyes at him. “She has her mother’s lungs.” He commented.

“And her father’s temper…” Kathryn commented mischievously as they unwrapped the little bundle, “About the same things too.”

Chakotay chuckled as he took the little one and lowered her into the basin of warm water, causing his daughter to cry even harder. Kathryn glared at him as he tried to glance surreptitiously to see if the wet spots had grown. Chakotay laughed outright then and Kathryn joined him. Gently they both caressed away the blood that remained from the birth from their daughter’s skin, soothing their daughter with gentle whispers and words of love. Finally Chakotay pulled her from the basin, setting her on a clean, dry towel, then fastening a diaper around her bottom and wrapping her in a soft blanket. “She’s beautiful like her mother.” Chakotay spoke as he cradled the newborn.

Kathryn snorted, “Well she has my hair.”

“And your eyes,” Chakotay added.

Kathryn rolled her eyes once more, “You know full well all babies have blue eyes.”

“Trust me,” Chakotay said confidently, “She’ll have your eyes.”

“Well at least she won’t have to worry about freckles,” Kathryn touched her cheek gently, “She has her daddy’s beautiful golden skin.”

“We should stay on New Earth until she’s thirty at least,” Chakotay said with conviction. Kathryn looked at him in askance. “So I don’t have to injure too many young suitors.”

Kathryn shook her head, and grinning crookedly at her daughter said, “You hear that? Your Daddy is the Angry Warrior again.”

“Not angry, just protective…” Chakotay grinned, “At least I don’t have to worry about some young Paris coming calling.”

Kathryn smacked his arm as she laughed; “Well we have plenty of time before we have to worry about any of that.” She settled back against the pillows, allowing her body to relax as the adrenaline rush from the birth started to subside.

Chakotay murmuring softly to his newborn, soothing her when he looked over at Kathryn whose eyes were beginning to shut. “We better get Momma cleaned up, before she goes to sleep little one.” Chakotay spoke softly, but Kathryn’s eyes flashed open and she smiled at him.

“Sorry,” Kathryn said through a yawn, “Tired.”

Chakotay settled their baby in her mother’s arms, then touched Kathryn’s cheek gently, “Don’t apologize. You gave me a beautiful daughter tonight. Our future. You relax, while I clean you up.” Kathryn nodded tiredly, then turned her attention to her daughter. Chakotay took the opportunity to get some fresh, warm water in the basin and an empty basin as well. He heard Kathryn groan a little in the other room. “Problem?” He called out, feeling his stomach constrict a little.

“Another contraction. Nothing to worry about.” Kathryn answered hearing the anxiety in his voice.

“Nursing will help with that. You’ll pass the afterbirth quicker.” Chakotay answered.

Kathryn chuckled, “No worries there. I just did.” In his mind’s eye, Chakotay could see her nose crinkled up in vague disgust.

When he returned, Kathryn was once again nursing and he set to the task of cleaning her up. Cleaning the area around her first, he then knelt down and turned his attention to sponge bathing the remaining blood and mess from her skin. “I should just get up and shower.” Kathryn started pushing herself up.

“No,” Chakotay said gently. Kathryn looked as though she was about to protest but stopped as she looked into his eyes, “Let me do this for you.” Kathryn nodded and settled back once again. “Besides,” he continued, “There is no way I’d let you shower alone tonight. You’re too tired and I don’t feel like getting wet.” Kathryn just shook her head with a bemused gleam in her eyes then turned her attention back to their baby.

“Chakotay…” Kathryn’s voice had an urgent tone to it.

Chakotay looked up at her, “What Kat?”

“I don’t think I like any of the names we had picked for her…” Kathryn stated simply, “I know I wanted to name her for my mother or my sister, but … I think I want her to have a name that is all her own. Her middle name can be a family name.”

Chakotay smiled, “From the tone of your voice, I can tell you know what you’d like to name her.”

“You don’t mind do you?” Kathryn’s eyes searched his face and found only bemused acceptance.

“Of course not,” Chakotay laughed. For him it was not the name that meant so much, but the spiritual traditions that this little girl would learn and her mother was already learning. Traditions that, to his great pleasure and surprise, Kathryn was embracing wholeheartedly.

“Ceili,” Kathryn said, “It’s not actually a name, but a Gaelic word. It means ‘Celebration’. Ceili Gretchen Janeway. Not that we’re likely to use the last two names much.”

“KAY-lee,” Chakotay tried the name out, “I like it. I don’t suppose it’s spelled how it sounds.”

“Of course not,” Kathryn laughed, “Why would it be that easy?”

“You can spell it into our records then,” Chakotay’s eyes twinkled as he smiled.

Kathryn snorted then turned her attention back on the baby, “Hello my little Ceili.”

Chakotay shook his head then picked up the tricorder, running a scan ascertain that everything was normal. The scan detected a small tear, which Chakotay quickly healed with the dermal regenerator. “All finished.” He moved to Kathryn’s side again. “You ready to go to sleep?”

Kathryn nodded as she slipped her nipple from her sleeping daughter’s mouth and handed her to her father. Chakotay cradled Ceili as he slipped his other arm around Kathryn’s waist and helped her up. Within moments he had Kathryn settled in their bed and soundly asleep. Chakotay considered putting the baby down and joining Kathryn, but something caused him to go check the living area of the cabin once more. He stood stunned for a moment. “Kathryn?” he breathed uncertain which Kathryn had found her way to his new home.

Kathryn prime heard Chakotay’s voice and turned to face him. His face became visibly less tense, when he noted the silver streaks at her temples and the baby in her arms. She smiled winningly and winked, “Q seems determined to make our mates mad at us, my friend. He didn’t give me a chance to change.”

Chakotay smiled. She was wearing her favorite peach nightgown and a matching robe. “Admiral, it’s good to see you.” He closed the distance between them quickly and she looked up at him. “I’d hug you but it seems we’re both a little busy at the moment.”

A crooked grin crossed her face, “So formal, Chakotay… I know very well that you call her Kat. So you can call me Kathryn.”

“All right Kathryn,” Chakotay grinned flashing his dimples at her, “But I thought you said, you weren’t letting your Chakotay do that to you anymore.” He nodded his head at Quentin.

“Well you know, after being married to him for almost a decade you’d think I’d be immune to those damn things…” She nodded her head to indicate his very prominent dimples.

Chakotay chuckled softly, “Trade you?”

“Temporarily…” She held Quentin out to Chakotay, who scooped him up as she took his newborn into her arms. “Oh Chakotay, she’s gorgeous. She looks so like my first-born. What did you and Kat name her?”

“Kat named her Ceili Gretchen Janeway,” Chakotay said with a grin. “But you probably knew I was going to say that.”

Kathryn laughed, “Not everything is parallel. My firstborn’s name is Kiernan Phoebe Janeway.”

Chakotay shook his head then smiled looking down on his daughter in Kathryn prime’s arms, “Looks like your name is really yours, my little Kit.”

Kathryn prime started chuckling, fighting to keep the volume down. Chakotay looked at her in askance. “There’s your parallel, Chakotay.” She met his gaze, “Do you know what my Chakotay calls Kiernan?”

Chakotay chuckled, “Kit… as in Kitten.” Kathryn nodded. “Great minds think alike…”

Kathryn heard Q mutter; “Small ones seldom differ.” She flashed him a deadly look. Q shrugged.

“So what is this handsome man’s name?” Chakotay tickled the little boy’s chin.

Kathryn smiled and looked a little embarrassed, “Quentin, actually…”

“Quentin,” Chakotay looked at her questioningly. Kathryn had the good grace to flush and look away. Chakotay chuckled, “I guarantee there will be NO parallel on that name.” Looking in the direction that Kathryn prime had glared earlier.

Q’s gaze narrowed at Chakotay, “I never did like this monkey man… I am beginning to think he’d be a better mate for the monkey.”

Kathryn’s gaze locked on the Q that was invisible to Chakotay. “Q,” She hissed.

Q’s attention moved from Chakotay to Kathryn prime. Their gazes locked then Q snorted; “He’s not worth my effort.” Kathryn shook her head ruefully then turned back to Chakotay.

“Chakotay, before you go insulting Q again… Please think about your Kathryn and your daughter.” Kathryn glared at him slightly.

Chakotay looked sufficiently chastised. “Well, he is a very handsome young man. So what number is this?”

“Number four and I’m afraid my last.” Kathryn smiled a little wistfully.

Chakotay put his free arm around her shoulders comfortingly. “I don’t even know if my Kat will have another one. She wasn’t too impressed with the process.”

“I know. She sounded just like me… It’s much easier the next time,” Kathryn offered, “I’m certain your dimples can convince her.”

“You were there,” Chakotay looked at Kathryn prime shaking his head in wonderment. “How long?”

Kathryn sighed and shrugged, “From just before the delivery. I convinced Q to let me support her back.”

“Thank you,” Chakotay kissed Kathryn’s cheek gently.

They stood admiring their children for a few minutes until finally Chakotay found the courage to ask. “Is she all right, Kathryn?”

Kathryn looked at Q. Q arched an eyebrow and nodded. “Yes, she is.” Kathryn answered in a comforting tone.

“I’m glad,” Chakotay answered wistfully. “I love Kat with all my heart and soul but there’s still a piece of me that wishes…”

Kathryn handed Quentin to Q who suddenly appeared to take his namesake. Kathryn wrapped her arms around Chakotay’s neck. “I know. It’s all right.” Kathryn looked into his eyes and gently wiped away the tear that slipped down his cheek. Kathryn held him for a few minutes, then pulled away looking towards her son and Q.

Q looked at Kathryn meaningfully. Kathryn nodded a bit sadly. “It’s time isn’t it?” Chakotay asked.

“Yes, I’m afraid it is.” Kathryn looked up at him.

“I know. No good-byes.” Chakotay smiled, “I’ll see you again, elsewhere and else when…”

Kathryn smiled, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

In a flash of light, she was gone. Chakotay walked to the doorway, smiling down at his beautiful daughter, and then he looked up into the twinkling lights of the stars. “Have a good life, Kathryn.”

***************

PRIME THREAD  
Stardate 58002.5

Kathryn reappeared in her and Chakotay’s quarters. She took Quentin to his bed and got him settled, before checking on her other children, kissing each one of them gently, then looked in on her husband. She ran her fingers through his soft short hair and brushed her lips against his. He smiled but slept on, secure that his beloved was with him. She returned to the living area and looked out her viewport. “What happens to them, Q?”

“They live a long and happy life. They watch their children and grandchildren grow and prosper. Their family is well respected and beloved on New Earth for many generations to come. Their legacy is never forgotten.” Q answered softly.

Kathryn turned an even gaze on Q; “They don’t have to leave?”

“No, in a year or two, a colony expedition arrives from the planet where you left the Thirty-Seven’s. Led by that Amelia Earhardt person. They never have to leave their little ‘Garden of Eden’.” Q’s voice was quiet.

Kathryn turned her gaze back towards the viewport. “Thank you, Q.” She could see his reflection nod slightly. The blinding white flash reflected in the window, but Kathryn had already closed her eyes holding back the tears that threatened to fall.

***************

PRIME THREAD  
Stardate 59125.7

Q stepped back suddenly to avoid the trampling feet of the two pre-teens who were chasing through the cluttered living room he appeared in. A familiar voice echoed through the home, “*Kiernan Gretchen Janeway*,” a short pause, “*Robert Kolopak Janeway*.” Both the pre-teens stopped short and looked towards the kitchen, still seemingly unaware of the odd man standing in the middle of their house. As though they could feel their mother’s infamous glare through the walls, they turned, grumbling and started to pick up the refuse in the living room.

The omnipotent being watched the children intently as they cleaned. The girl was the image of her mother, save for a golden hue to her skin. The boy was his father’s son; taller than his elder sister already; except for his intense midnight blue eyes. Uncannily they turned as one and regarded Q warily. Robert moved slightly ahead of his sister protectively. Kiernan rolled her eyes at her brother, and arched an eyebrow at Q, “Mom, there’s a gentleman here to see you.”

“I didn’t hear the chime,” Kathryn remarked from the kitchen.

Kiernan snorted, “That’s because Q doesn’t have enough manners to ring it.” Q smiled at the child’s audacity. Kiernan and Robert nodded their good-byes and carried their loads up the stairs towards their rooms. Q was about to go looking for Kathryn when she slowly rounded the corner, walking with the aide of a cane. Kathryn smiled smugly as the omnipotent being didn’t bother to hide his shock, while she moved to the couch and sat down.

“I don’t move as quickly as I used to,” Kathryn answered his unasked question. “There was an accident in engineering.” Q sat down beside her. “The warp core went into a matter/anti-matter imbalance. B’el was caught in the flux and had to be carried out by Vorik. I managed to trigger the core ejection but a secondary explosion threw me back against an engineering panel and the bulkhead came down on my legs. Shattered the left one so badly that the Doctor, Crusher and Pulaski combined couldn’t fix it completely.” Kathryn cradled the Irish Blackwood cane decorated Celtic knotwork, looking at it with as much affection as she had for the man who carved it for her.

Q looked at Kathryn compassionately then started to swing his arm, when Kathryn caught it shaking her head. “Admiral…” He started.

“I appreciate the sentiment, Q. Really I do, but I can’t cheat. I’ve been very lucky and I still am. I very well could have died in that accident but I didn’t and with the support of Chakotay, my family and my friends, I’ve made as full a recovery as could be hoped in a very short period of time.” Q reluctantly lowered his arm, “If this is the burden I have to bare to balance the happiness I have in my life, then it’s an easy price.” She smiled wistfully, “My only regret is having to give up Voyager, but Tom and Harry will take good care of her.” Kathryn’s gaze became fiery, a wicked grin crossing her lips and she drew herself up, her demeanor changing at once, becoming the defiant Kathryn Janeway he knew. “So is this purely a social visit or do we have business to attend to?”

Q answered her grin with one of his own, standing and offering her his hand. She ignored it, standing on her own, straightening her uniform and looked at him expectantly. He rolled his eyes and snorted as he snapped his fingers.

****************

ALPHA THREAD  
Stardate 57126.1

The pair of unlikely cohorts reappeared on a grassy hill outside of Starfleet Headquarters. A warm breeze carrying a delicious aroma pulled her attention to where a pair of figures sat on a blanket in the sun looking out towards the bay. Kathryn prime arched an eyebrow at Q, who nodded and gestured towards the couple inviting Kathryn prime to move closer.

“That was a lovely lunch, Kathryn. Thank you.” The transplanted Chakotay moved a bit to make himself more comfortable.

“Well, I’m certain you’re figured out that I had nothing to do with the food, but you’re welcome and I’ll have to thank Lt. Kali for making up the basket.” Kathryn alpha poured herself a cup of coffee and settled back, looking out at the water contemplatively. “My request to command Voyager again was denied.”

Chakotay’s expression was one mixed with shock and sympathy. “That has to be the most idiotic beuracratic decision Starfleet has ever made. I’m sorry Kathryn.” Chakotay laid his hand on her shoulder.

Kathryn didn’t look at him, instead she kept looking out towards the bay as she spoke. “Sometimes the universe tries to tell you something, and if you don’t listen, it will keep changing the playing field until you listen.”

“Philosophy, Kathryn?” Chakotay smiled. “Not something you normally indulge in.”

Kathryn looked at him, softness in her gaze that hadn’t been there in years. “Maybe you’ve finally gotten to me Chakotay.”

“Me? Get to Captain Kathryn Janeway… Never.” Chakotay teased.

Looking away, she spoke again. “They want to promote me.”

“Most people would be celebrating, but I take it that that isn’t what you want.” Chakotay stated firmly. Years of friendship with his Kathryn and now the friendship that he had assumed with this Kathryn giving him confidence.

“I don’t think I knew what I really wanted until recently.” Kathryn drew a deep breath, “What I thought I wanted being taken away made things very clear.” Chakotay’s gaze was puzzled; there were a hundred questions in his eyes. Kathryn only hoped one was the one she had a positive answer to. “You were sorry they denied my request to get Voyager back, but I’m not. At least not as much as I should be if I really wanted to command her again.”

“What do you want Kathryn?” Chakotay’s voice was neutral. Kathryn hoped that it was just him protecting himself. She was well aware of how badly she’d hurt him in the past, and now she’d be asking him to open his heart to her again and risk that pain again. She didn’t want to think about the other possibility.

“I made a mistake.” Kathryn looked at Chakotay whose face was still frighteningly neutral. She forged forward anyway. “I could … no, do love you the way you wanted me to. The way you feel for me.” She said optimistically, hoping it didn’t sound arrogant and not wanting to acknowledge that it could be past tense.

Silence answered her confession, silence and Chakotay’s neutral expression. The longer the silence continued the more Kathryn’s stomach twisted. She looked out towards the bay, trying to force her captain’s mask down to hold her tears at bay, but it wouldn’t come. She closed her eyes tightly, knowing now, but yet needing to see this through to the end as though she was watching a train wreck in slow motion. She looked back to Chakotay and his expression had changed, from practiced neutrality to gentle sympathy. “Kathryn, I…”

Kathryn held her hand up to his lips. ‘He’s moved on and now he pities me.’ Her mind interpreted his sympathy harshly. “Don’t speak, Chakotay. It’s all right. Go.” Her expression was steely.

“I’ll always be here for you, you know,” Chakotay’s voice was soft.

Kathryn nodded and listened, as the sound of his footsteps became softer until finally the silence enveloped her again. Then she rested her head against her knees and let the tears come.

Kathryn prime’s face was impassive as she watched her alpha alternate cry. Her mother’s voice echoed in her head, ‘You’ve made your bed, now you have to lie in it’ but she also remembered her mother’s compassion. A trait that had been handed down to her daughter in full. The memories of her mother, who so recently had passed on in her own universe, softened her resolve to allow this Kathryn to deal with her situation alone even further. ‘She, at the very least, deserves to know about Chakotay.’ Kathryn decided.

Q’s voice broke her train of thought. “It would seem the effect of ‘that woman’ has finally completely cleared from this Kathryn.” Kathryn prime nodded contemplatively. “Of course now she will have to deal with the effects. Such is the lot of you poor bi-pedal entities.”

Kathryn interpreted his callous remark and answered, “I want to help her too, Q.”

Q arched his eyebrow at his companion; “Perhaps I will have to re-evaluate my opinion of you, Admiral.”

“Likewise,” Kathryn prime answered.

Silence reigned for a moment, both of them looking at each other contemplatively. “Nah!” They shook their heads in unison.

The moment passed and Kathryn nodded at Q, who snapped his fingers and Kathryn prime flashed into visibility. The flash of light caught Kathryn alpha’s attention and she stood turning towards it. “Q, I’m not in the…” Kathryn’s growl faded as she caught site of the slightly older version of herself standing watching her with her characteristic crooked grin on her face.

“Not Q,” Kathryn prime’s grin faded a bit, “Although he’s around here somewhere.” Kathryn alpha approached her alternate warily. She noted the gray in her hair, the Admiral bars on her collar, the fact this version of herself walked with the aid of a cane and most of all the gold wedding band.

“I suppose I am to believe that you’re an alternate of me that married Q and lived happily ever after.” Kathryn alpha drawled suspiciously.

“Q?” Kathryn prime’s voice was incredulous. “Spirits no… Why any version of us would willingly bind themselves to that…” Kathryn prime fought to hold back the laughter that threatened to break free, no matter how inappropriate it might be considering the other woman’s state of mind.

When Kathryn alpha had heard her alternate say ‘Spirits’ she had known instinctively who this Kathryn was married to and she’d felt an overwhelming sensation of jealousy and sorrow. Her voice was quiet as she asked, “Then who?”

Kathryn prime spoke without hesitation. She knew her other self already knew the answer and just needed confirmation. “Chakotay.”

Kathryn alpha nodded. She wanted to ask what this woman had done differently, how she had reconciled their duty with their wants and needs, but she also knew with a certainty that this Kathryn would never tell her any of that. The certainty born of knowing that she would never tell if their situations were reversed. Kathryn prime broke the silence between them, “And I thought it was odd meeting Chakotays who weren’t mine. Talking to yourself takes on a whole new meaning in this situation.”

Kathryn alpha couldn’t help but smile. “So why are you here? If you need Voyager, I’m afraid I’m not the person to talk to anymore. We’ll have to talk to Admiral Paris.” She took refuge in duty to hide from the feelings that were assaulting her senses.

“Nothing so heroic, Kathryn.” Kathryn prime laid a gently restraining hand on her counterpart’s shoulder. “Q has been interfering again…” Kathryn alpha looked at her in alarm and Kathryn prime knew she had to admit her part as well, “I was too, with his help.”

Kathryn alpha’s gaze hardened, demanding an explanation without speaking. “He brought my Chakotay and I to see what was happening here, the night you…” Kathryn alpha nodded, it was a recently reopened wound that she had no interest in discussing at this instant. “I was angry with how you treated your Chakotay. I couldn’t imagine why… Anyway, Q and I devised a plan to help Chakotay.” Kathryn alpha arched an eyebrow at the thought of Q helping Chakotay, “I know. I’ve never really been sure why Q wanted to help Chakotay either. Maybe it was thought of helping another Kathryn Janeway.” Kathryn alpha looked somewhat surprised at that idea.

“How?” Kathryn alpha asked.

“It’ll be easier to show you.” Kathryn prime looked away and then nodded and they were suddenly enveloped in the familiar embrace of Q’s power.

*******************

DELTA GAEA RAVEL  
Stardate 57126.1

They re-appeared in a familiar glade. Kathryn prime smiled as she saw Chakotay walking towards a small settlement of new houses carrying little Ceili on his shoulders. In the distance she could see the Kathryn from this world standing with Amelia, her belly swollen with what she assumed was their second child. A choked gasp from beside her drew her attention and she turned towards the alpha Kathryn, catching her arm offering her the support she knew she’d never ask for. “Can we?” Kathryn alpha’s voice was hesitant as though she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to see more or not.

“They can’t see us.” Kathryn prime offered. Kathryn alpha nodded and moved towards Chakotay who had joined his Kathryn with Amelia. As she neared Chakotay pulled his daughter from his shoulders and set her down in front of her mother. Ceili reached out and laid her hand reverently against her mother’s stomach, the little girl’s eyes lit as she was rewarded with a gentle kick. Kathryn alpha knelt wide-eyed beside the little girl taking in the features of the daughter that should have been hers. She watched as the little girl giggled as her unborn sibling kicked her hand again, then a larger darker hand covered the little one.

Kathryn alpha rose and studied her counterpart from this New Earth. There were only slight differences that she could see. Tanned skin and freckles, no doubt from working in her garden under the sun. Kathryn resolved actually follow through on the Doctor’s orders about starting an exercise regime and taking better care of herself, as she looked at this Kathryn. As her gaze shifted to her other self’s rounded stomach, her own stomach clenched with an almost painful emptiness and the sudden realization that she would likely never carry a child.

Finally, after giving herself a moment to collect herself, she turned to look at Chakotay. It seemed to her that she could almost feel his happiness and contentment as a physical presence. Something she refused to give him, and in the process she had damned herself. She gently ran her unseen hand over his cheek and traced his tattoo with a slender finger, committing how he looked here to memory. Then with a final sad look at what she could have had and she had given up, she stepped away and walked to Kathryn prime not looking back.

She stopped when she reached Kathryn prime, who watched her intently. Kathryn alpha didn’t bother to hide the incipient tears in her eyes as she returned her gaze. “She would have died here alone.” Kathryn prime explained quietly, “Her Chakotay died two years after having been stranded here and in this universe Voyager never came back for them.”

“Q chose well. Chakotay would never let her die if he could prevent it.” Kathryn alpha smiled wistfully.

“He wouldn’t have come if we hadn’t found another Chakotay, that he thought you’d be happier with.” Kathryn prime spoke gently, “If it’s any consolation, I think it was a hard choice for him still.”

“He came and said good-bye to me…” Kathryn alpha’s eyes lit in sudden realization and she touched her lips with shaking fingers, “and he kissed me.” She started to look back towards the happy family then stopped herself and turned deliberately toward Kathryn prime. “Thank you for taking care of him. You have done a better job than I did. He deserves this happiness.” And the light enveloped them once again.

****************

ALPHA THREAD  
Stardate 57126.9

Q remained an invisible participant though Kathryn prime knew he was monitoring the situation. She idly wondered when he had discovered that discretion was the better part of valour. They had re-appeared in what Kathryn prime assumed was Kathryn alpha’s office at Starfleet Command. Kathryn alpha had her eyes closed, when Kathryn prime looked at her, ‘composing herself’ was the thought that passed through her head.

Kathryn alpha straightened her uniform and turned to face Kathryn prime, “Thank you for showing me. I’ll be all right now. I still have my best friend …” Kathryn prime put her hands on her alpha counterpart’s shoulder and stopped her speech with the intensity of her gaze.

“You deserve to be happy too.” Determination was palpable in the words.

“I will be eventually.” Kathryn alpha smiled weakly. “I’ll take an extended leave, go to my mother’s and relax.”

“You mean sleep until Phoebe dumps ice water on you again.” Kathryn prime’s words were backed with steel.

Kathryn alpha continued as though she hadn’t heard the comment, “Then I’ll let them promote me, I’ll find a project and put my all into it.”

“You’ll bury your feelings by burying yourself in work. You’ll give up trying to have a personal relationship because it hurts too much then one day you’ll retire and won’t have any of that to hide behind any more.” Kathryn prime hissed at her counterpart.

Kathryn alpha’s eyes narrowed, “How does the saying go. ‘Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.’ Well I wished Chakotay could come to terms with just being my friend, and now I am suffering for it.”

Kathryn prime’s face became thoughtful, “There has to be a way to resolve this.” Kathryn alpha looked doubtful, but also grateful that her counterpart cared enough to try. “Q could find another uni…”

Kathryn alpha shook her head, “I missed my family for seven years. I can’t leave my mother again. It would kill her.”

Kathryn prime was about to say that they’d find another Kathryn to take her place, but then stopped. “I understand. My mother just passed on in my universe. Chakotay and I moved into the house with our children, and there are still times I come into the kitchen expecting to find her making brownies.” It was Kathryn alpha’s turn to comfort her counterpart now, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. Then she smiled and turned to her desk picking up a plate of caramel brownies. Kathryn prime laughed and accepted one gratefully. “Thanks, but now Chakotay makes them. Mom adored him more than she did Phoebe and I put together. I guess I came by my taste in men honestly.”

“My mother just shakes her head when she sees us together.” Kathryn alpha admitted.

Kathryn prime sat down on a chair in front of the desk, while Kathryn alpha sat in her own chair. “If you won’t leave, and you still want Chakotay then there’s only one thing to do. Convince him he wants you too.”

“Easier said than done… If his original Kathryn couldn’t convince him, how am I supposed to?” Kathryn alpha looked bemused.

“He’s still Chakotay.” Kathryn prime answered, banishing her own doubts and memories of how little she felt from the kiss on the forehead he had once given her. “I refuse to believe that in any universe he could be completely *not* interested in us. Besides this time he’s not just dealing with one, but two Kathryn Janeways.”

Kathryn alpha shook her head ruefully and sighed then hit a button on her office comm unit, “This could take a while. I better get someone to bring us a pot of coffee.”

***************

ALPHA THREAD  
Stardate 57127.5

Both women were yawning despite the coffee and were still no closer to devising a plan to convince the transplanted Chakotay to consider the alpha Kathryn in a way other than friendship. Kathryn prime stretched in her seat. “I haven’t pulled an all-nighter like this since we got back from the Delta Quadrant.”

“You have a husband and children who are probably worried sick about you.” Kathryn alpha stood and picked up her counterpart’s cane admiring it before handing it to her. “You should go. We can continue this later if you like.”

Kathryn prime could almost hear the ‘if there’s any point’ that was left unspoken as she took her cane. “At this point, Chakotay will be angry with me, no matter what but Kit knew Q had come visiting. So they won’t be too worried.” Kathryn prime stood then captured her counterpart’s gaze with her own. “I never said this would be easy.”

“If Chakotay were here, we’d have come up with a plan by now. Or I’d have come up with one and he’d either like it or hate it, but he’d always go ahead with it.” Kathryn alpha’s voice was wistful.

Kathryn prime nodded in agreement, then something clicked. “Chakotay… Your Chakotay.” Kathryn alpha heard the difference in her voice and looked towards her, eyes wide. “When he went to that Kathryn, he refused to just take up where her Chakotay left off. He insisted they get to know one another, to build a relationship between the two of them.”

“But I already know…” Kathryn alpha started.

Kathryn prime shook her head, “But you don’t know. You’ve assumed he is your Chakotay and he’s assumed that you are exactly like his Kathryn was.” Recognition lit in Kathryn alpha’s eyes. “Now we have a plan… Tomorrow we implement it.” In a flash of light, Kathryn prime disappeared.

***************

Kathryn Janeway walked into Chakotay’s office. Her counterpart from the Prime Universe was probably somewhere in the Q Continuum watching the proceedings ostensibly so she could offer her assistance in coming up with ways to convince Chakotay to give Kathryn a chance. Kathryn wished her other self would have stayed closer for moral support as it were. Chakotay looked up and smiled warmly.

“They offered me Voyager.” He spoke, watching her face for a reaction. “I refused her of course. I said I would only serve on board her as your exec, not as her Captain.” Kathryn kept her face carefully neutral as she approached his desk. His face became puzzled as he watched her.

“Commander, you haven’t been entirely honest with me.” She spoke evenly. A slight tinge of anger making her performance even more believable. She was angry that he had stepped into her life without so much as a ‘by your leave’, stealing her chance at true love. “Our relationship has always been based on trust and honesty. Of course, it wasn’t OUR relationship was it?”

Chakotay’s face registered shock then he moved to cover. “Kathryn…”

“No not Kathryn, Commander. Captain.” Kathryn hissed. “You and I don’t know each other well enough to be on a first name basis.” Chakotay was speechless. “I know you aren’t my Chakotay. I know that Q put you here.” Kathryn’s gaze was it’s deadliest and coldest. “I know I can’t continue our friendship as it stands now but I also know that I can’t ask Q to undo this. So it leaves us at somewhat of an impasse. Unless of course we just part ways now.”

“I came here to be with you Kathryn.” Chakotay found words to speak. “My Kathryn died getting us home. When Q and the other Kathryn offered me this… I couldn’t refuse. You were … are …”

“No,” Kathryn’s eyes blazed, “You are not my best friend. You are another Chakotay, from another universe, who lost your Kathryn. I am not that woman and you are not the man who belongs here by my side.” Silently her mind added, ‘You are not the man who loved me.’ Kathryn turned away from him, walking towards his office door, mentally praying he would make the move they needed him too.

“Kathryn…” He called out, as she was about to walk through the doorway. “How do we fix this?”

Kathryn turned and allowed her gaze to soften slightly. “Can we fix this?”

“I don’t want to lose you … your friendship again. You’re right. What was done wasn’t fair to you.” Chakotay approached Kathryn tentatively then held out his hand as if to shake hers. “Commander Chakotay, former Starfleet Officer turned Maquis turned Starfleet again.” His dimpled, hopeful grin disarmed her further.

She took a deep breath, grinned crookedly and took his hand, “Captain Kathryn Janeway… Who’s thinking of resigning because she really doesn’t want to be an Admiral.”

“See we have something in common already,” Chakotay chuckled, “I was just typing up my resignation as you came in.”

****************

“You see Q,” Kathryn prime smiled smugly, “I knew she could pull it off.”

“I never doubted her.” Q replied, “She is after all the most intelligent of all of you. Otherwise how else would an insignificant biped have caught the attention of myself?”

Kathryn prime rolled her eyes and bit her tongue. She wanted to make a comment to aggravate Q, but she wouldn’t do so at the expense of her counterpart. “I’m certain she regrets that, Q.” Kathryn offered sweetly. “She’s headed back to her office.” She looked pointedly at her cohort.

Q sighed as though pained and snapped his fingers. Kathryn prime found herself sitting in Kathryn alpha’s office with a hot cup of coffee in her hand. ‘Not bad, Q’ the thought came unbidden as she took a sip.

‘Thank you, Admiral’ Q’s thought even felt smug.

“Stay out of my head!” Kathryn prime growled as the hiss of the door mechanism heralded Kathryn alpha’s arrival.

Kathryn alpha looked non-plussed. “Q.” Kathryn prime nodded grimly. “You might as well join us Q. I’ll feel better knowing you’re where I can see you.”

“Why Kathy you’re such a sweet talker…” Q appeared beside Kathryn alpha and played at trying to steal a kiss.

She pushed him away roughly, “Stow it, Q.” In a flash, literally, he reappeared beside Kathryn prime.

“You see she really does like me. Playing hard to get,” Q gushed.

Kathryn prime rolled her eyes, opted to ignore Q and turned her attention to her counterpart. “Well done. He really believed you.”

“I don’t like those kind of games.” Kathryn alpha complained. “I want our relationship to be based on honesty.”

“Granted,” Kathryn prime agreed, “I don’t think that was entirely a game though. You were angry with him. Eventually that anger would have turned to resentment and would have destroyed your friendship.” Kathryn alpha nodded her head in agreement.

“I still don’t see how this is going to lead to Kathryn and Chuckles Two finding themselves stuck in matrimonial bliss.” Q sounded disgusted as he spat out the last words.

“There’s a saying I picked up from one of Tom’s old movies.” Kathryn prime chuckled, “Man chase woman until she catch him.” Q looked baffled. Kathryn alpha looked vaguely amused. “You’ll see Q.”

Kathryn alpha’s amusement faded, “And I think I have my work cut out for me.”

“You’re right. We have our work cut out for us.” Kathryn prime corrected.

*********************

“I’m glad you took my advice and just went on sabbatical, Kathryn.” Chakotay sipped his tea. “Resignation is fine for me. I don’t like Starfleet and I know I can find satisfaction in doing something outside of their structure.” Kathryn grinned. When Chakotay said ‘structure’, it came out sounding like an expletive. “But Starfleet has been your entire life. You should know where you want to be before you do something that you might regret in the end. It’s always been your problem, jumping in where angels fear to tread.”

Kathryn snorted as she sipped her coffee, “This from an ex-terrorist. Talk about where angels fear to tread.” Kathryn looked around the small coffeehouse then shook her head at her companion, “I’m still not certain why I listened to you. Bad habit I suppose.”

“Really? When did you develop it?” Chakotay smirked at her as she glared at him. She knew he had read her Chakotay’s logs and knew how many times she had disregarded his suggestions whether or not his own Kathryn had done the same to him. The revelation that he had read the logs had sent her into a fury, despite his assurances that they really were not that much different than his own. It made her feel self conscious, out of control and she began to doubt even her own Chakotay’s feelings for her. If her Chakotay’s logs and his were so similar then how could her Chakotay have loved her? Kathryn prime had been more logical, pointing out that it was a very hopeful sign that their logs were so similar, that this Chakotay was probably harboring feelings that he himself hadn’t acknowledged.

“Honestly,” Kathryn started setting down her cup, “I don’t know why you don’t believe me when I tell you I am ready to give up Starfleet and do something else with my life. Does no one think I can take care of myself?”

“Of course you can, Kathryn.” Chakotay set down his cup and laid his hand over hers, “It’s just odd for anyone who knows you to think that the indomitable Captain Kathryn Janeway doesn’t want to stay in Starfleet.”

“I’m not ready to fly a desk, Chakotay.” Kathryn shrugged, “I still want to explore. If they had offered me a promotion and let me keep my command then I probably would have taken it. As it stands now, I’m not ready to be an Admiral under the conditions they want me. So I’ll find a new way to explore. I’ll miss the stars but it’s not like I’d get to see much of them anyway behind a desk at Starfleet Command.”

Chakotay looked at Kathryn thoughtfully, and then smiled giving her the full benefit of his dimples. “So how is renovating your house coming.”

“It’s awful, completely awful.” Kathryn winced. “I haven’t even gotten through sorting all the stuff I had crammed in my attic and basement and the dust…” She shook her head. “I remember why I put this off after we got home. I wonder if Owen would loan me Voyager and a crew long enough to beam the entire mess out into space and vaporize it with phasers.”

Chakotay started laughing and Kathryn soon joined him. “You know… I may not be able to get Voyager, but I think I know of a crew that might want to pitch in for old times sake. As long as you’re buying the beer.”

“I couldn’t ask…” Kathryn shook her head.

“Of course you could, but you won’t…” Chakotay squeezed her hand gently. “I on the other hand have no such limits.” Kathryn started to shake her head again. “Come on, give in to that new bad habit of yours.”

Kathryn shook with laughter as she finally nodded in agreement.

*******************

Celes and Harry carried more boxes out to the rented hovervan, grunting and laughing, covered in grime and sweat. “Captain,” Harry hollered as he pushed the box into the back, “If someone told me you were a packrat, I’d have never believed them.”

Kathryn laughed from where she and B’Elanna sat on her lawn sorting various items into boxes and sealing them. “If you’d have talked to Jaffen, he would have given you an ear full.”

Chakotay, hearing this last comment, arched his eyebrow as he and Tom carried out a small writing desk. Kathryn smirked at his reaction but then her attention was drawn to the piece they were carrying. “Storage or recycle facility, Captain?” Tom queried.

“How many times do I have to tell you all… I am on sabbatical and probably resigning, so call me Kathryn.” She approached the two men, who set the small desk down on the sidewalk. “I was keeping this… well,” Kathryn stopped and ran her fingers over the surface of the desk her gaze wistful. “It was mine when I was a little girl. I suppose I should just get rid of it.”

B’Elanna moved to stand beside Kathryn admiring the golden oak and the delicate detail of the design. “It’s a gorgeous desk, Kathryn. I could see you as a little girl studying at it.”

B’Elanna was rewarded with one of Kathryn’s warmest smiles. “Would you and Tom like it for Miral? I’d love to see it get some use and this way it would still be in the family.” Kathryn offered. It made it easier to let go of if it was to go to her own goddaughter.

A strong hand settled on her shoulder, “I think we should put it in storage for you.” Kathryn turned and found herself sinking into the dark depths of Chakotay’s eyes.

Tom smirked, “Yeah, Kath… You might find a use for it yet.”

Kathryn’s baleful gaze turned on Tom, “I said you could call me Kathryn, Mr. Paris.”

“Aye, aye… Ma’am,” Tom winked as he and Chakotay picked the small desk up once again to load it into the truck headed for the storage facility.

Kathryn and B’Elanna handed the boxes they finished packing to Ayala and Sam Wildman to load into the hovervan. Chakotay and Tom reached their sides just as Seven and the Doctor came out of the house bearing cold beers. “Just in the nick of time, as per normal, Seven.” Tom teased. Seven arched her eyebrow not getting his meaning.

“As a doctor, I should be insisting that you people take in something that would re-hydrate you or at least replenish the nutrients you are loosing.” The doctor made disapproving noises as he passed the bottles out.

“But Doc, there is nothing more refreshing on a hot day when doing hard work, than a cold beer.” Tom twisted off the cap and took a long pull from the bottle.

“Mr. Paris with all the time you spent as my assistant, you should know better.” The doctor shook his head as he spoke. Kathryn and Chakotay smiled at each other in amusement as Tom baited the hologram.

“Doc, we use alcohol as a coolant all the time,” Tom’s grin was ear to ear now.

“Externally, yes. In one of your twentieth century jalopies, yes.” The Doctor droned on, “Inside the human body, water is the preferred coolant.”

“Water would be a great coolant about now, actually…” Tom turned his teasing attention to Kathryn as he took another pull from his bottle. She took a sip from her own bottle, bracing herself for whatever Tom might come up with. “I’m really disappointed, Kathryn. I took a quick peek around…”

“You mean you snooped,” Kathryn answered dryly.

Tom ignored her, “And there is not a hot tub to be seen. I was just thinking what a great way it would be to end the day, with me, B’e, you, Sam, Celes, and heck, even Seven in a hot tub at sunset.”

B’elanna rolled her eyes and smacked Tom across the top of his head. “Dream on, helmboy.”

Tom winced, gently rubbing the tender spot where his wife had struck him. Reopening his eyes he found himself looking at Chakotay. “You know you can’t have all the women to yourself, Tom” Chakotay grinned. Tom looked quickly at Kathryn, Chakotay’s gaze following his and arching an eyebrow.

Kathryn watched as Chakotay walked back towards the trucks to help Harry and Seven move some boxes. She grinned crookedly and started to walk towards the house with strut in her step. She turned just before reaching the door and called loud enough to catch Chakotay’s attention as well, “Tom…” He looked towards her. “The day isn’t over yet.”

************

Seven came in bearing a platter of hamburgers, steaks and ribs hot from the barbecue. “Can you believe it? A gourmet chef in the making and she doesn’t know how to barbecue.” Tom followed wearing an apron that proclaimed ‘Kiss the Cook’. “And what inquiring minds really want to know is why the replicator queen has this apron.”

“No mystery there, Tom.” Kathryn laughed, “Joke gift from my sister.” Tom looked slightly disappointed but shrugged and settled down beside B’Elanna. Kathryn waited patiently while the others dug in. Chakotay looked on slightly unsettled.

B’Elanna was the first to remember. “Damn old man, I’m sorry. We completely forgot you’re a vegetarian.”

“I did not realize, Commander.” Seven started.

Chakotay smiled reassuringly, “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure I can come up with something.” He started to stand, not noticing that Kathryn had already disappeared from sight.

She reappeared, before he could leave the table, carrying a serving platter. “Quiche.” Chakotay looked surprised as she dished some onto his plate. “Yes, it’s safe. I didn’t make it. I didn’t even replicate it.” The others around the table snickered but Chakotay just regarded her gratefully as he sat back down. She settled down next to him and dished out some of the quiche out for herself as well.

Chatter filled her dining room and for the first time since coming home, her house really felt as though it were a home. She felt eyes studying her and she turned her gaze in their direction, to find Chakotay looking at her affectionately. She smiled at him briefly then turned he attention back to the conversation. “Tom, I promise next time you come over I will have a hot tub.”

“In that case, Kathryn, B’e and I will be happy to housesit for you any time.” Tom answered playfully.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Kathryn responded trying very hard to keep the vaguely disapproving Captain’s look on her face.

Chakotay couldn’t help but notice how happy she looked, her eyes glittering as she and Tom traded quips. She hadn’t looked this alive in a long time. Not so long as he had known her in any respect. ‘It looks good on her,’ the thought came unbidden to his mind, ‘I’ll have to try to make sure this happens more often. I think we’d both forgotten how much these people are family to us.’

“By the way, Tom. Where the hell did you find that thing?” She gestured towards the apron. “I had that stored in one of the boxes you were supposed to take to recycling.” Tom’s grin widened proportionally to Kathryn’s eyes. “Oh no… No… You were supposed to carry those boxes not open them.” She whirled on Chakotay. “I told you this would be a bad idea.”

“It’s not my fault,” Chakotay defended while Tom and B’e grinned and got up to get the box.

“I didn’t say it was your fault, I’m just blaming you.” Kathryn cradled her head in her hands while Chakotay smiled and looked to see what two of the troublesome threesome had found.

“With all due respect, Kathryn.” B’Elanna started, “It’s not Tom’s fault completely. The box broke open and when we saw some of this stuff we couldn’t resist.” Kathryn whimpered in response.

“Come on Kath,” Chakotay pulled her to her feet and moved her to get a better view of the contents of the box. “It can’t be that bad.” B’Elanna pulled out a very old style Starfleet uniform in Science blue. Chakotay grinned and Kathryn moaned again.

“Personally Kathryn, I don’t know why they ever gave up putting female crewmembers in those uniforms.” Tom waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Tom, you’re a pig.” B’Elanna growled at him then turned her attention back to Kathryn. “So what’s the story?”

Kathryn sighed, her face still several very appealing shades of red. “When I was in the Academy they still hazed. As long as it wasn’t potentially dangerous, they could humiliate young cadets all they liked and as an Admiral’s daughter I was a prime target. So for the entirety of the first week of the Academy thanks to the senior who ‘owned’ me, I wore that thing and had every drooling cadet in the place after me.” Kathryn looked pointedly at Tom. “I swear I almost gave up men at that point.”

B’Elanna, Sam and Celes were laughing out loud, Seven and the Doctor looked as though they didn’t find the story funny at all, Ayala and Harry were chuckling softly, Chakotay was holding back his laughter and Tom looked indignant. “I wasn’t there at that point.”

“No, but if you had been you would have been drooling too,” Kathryn’s colour was slowly coming down.

“I don’t know, Kathryn. I have no idea of how you fill that out.” Tom’s words were a challenge and everyone in the room knew it. They held their breath as Tom and Kathryn’s eyes locked, and then she held out her hand to B’Elanna who handed her the uniform.

“Well if I can still fit this thing, you’ll soon find out.” Kathryn grinned and stalked off to the bathroom to change.

Chakotay finally let his laughter free. “I think you have a death wish, Tom. One of these days, you’re going to say something and either B’e or Kathryn or both are going to kill you.”

“I know Chakotay… But what a way to go,” Tom’s own laughter joined Chakotay’s as he pulled B’Elanna close to ward off an attack and soon everyone was laughing along. A minute or two later the sound of someone clearing their throat brought everyone’s attention to the doorway. There stood Kathryn Janeway leaning against the doorframe, one knee bent and her booted foot perched against the frame as well, in the uniform, the short skirt barely covering her rounded backside. Kathryn almost broke down laughing, as the men in the room did a passable imitation of an open airlock, sucking in as much air as possible, but managed to keep the sultry look she’d adopted.

Chakotay when he got his breath back had to admit she looked good. Her legs went all the way up and in those boots and that uniform, were nicely displayed. The small swell of her stomach only made her seem more feminine. Her chest, which was normally flattened by the current uniform, was accented nicely in this. With shining hair and glittering eyes, the blue of the science uniform accenting both, she watched Tom’s reaction to her appearance.

Tom intelligently had only one thing to say; “I would have drooled.”

********************

The last of the boxes had been moved out to the vans, waiting for Harry and Ayala to drive them to their respective locations. Now exhausted bodies sprawled across Kathryn’s living room wherever there was space to collapse. From somewhere near the couch, Kathryn pulled herself into a sitting position. “Thank you all. It would have taken me months to get through all of that without your help.” Kathryn looked at them all fondly.

“Well you know Capt… Kathryn, all you have to do is ask,” Harry offered, his face planted firmly against the cool surface of her hardwood floor.

“Next time though, Kathryn,” Tom seemed to enjoy using her name as much as possible. “Make sure you have adequate shower facilities…”

“Or a hot tub… Yes, Tom” Kathryn was laughing in spite of the overwhelming tiredness taking control of her body, “I’ve got the idea and I already promised.”

Chakotay laughed, “Not that getting Kathryn to agree to any kind of tub is a difficult proposition.”

“As true as that may be and at the risk of hurting Tom’s feelings,” Kathryn winked at B’Elanna. “I can think of other people I’d rather share one with.”

“Kathryn, you wound me,” Tom clutched at his heart and dramatically sighed. Cushions stolen from the furniture flew from all directions towards the pilot. Laughter filled the room. Kathryn’s eyes met Chakotay’s for an instant and an intangible spark passed between them.

“Speaking of the Captain’s,” Sam started and Kathryn mock glared her, “Sorry… =Kathryn’s= love of bathtubs. Do any of you have any idea how long that particular love affair has been going on?” Sam smiled widely as Kathryn’s glare when from mock to deadly in less than a nanosecond.

“Sam Wildman, I’d expect this of Tom… Maybe even Chakotay, but not you.” Kathryn tried the disapproval gambit.

Sam just grinned and pulled out a pink holo-album decorated with golden puppies and brighter pink bows. “I have to practice for embarrassing Naomi.”

Tom found a sudden burst of energy and pounced up, pulling Sam and the book to the couch. Kathryn looked panicked when to her surprise Chakotay sat down on the other side of Sam. “I brought that book from my mother’s to prevent her from embarrassing me when I brought dates home.” Kathryn winced.

“Shame on you, Kathryn. Stealing…” Tom teased.

“I’ll have you know that one of the advantages of dating Mark was that he was in most of those pictures, so she had very little ammunition to embarrass me with.” Kathryn’s hands found her hips as she glared evilly at Tom. B’Elanna walked up to Kathryn and handed her another beer before sitting on the arm of the couch beside Tom and opening one of her own.

Chakotay caught Kathryn’s arm and pulled her beside him squeezing her in between him and the arm of the couch. “At least he won’t be in the bathtub pictures.”

“I wouldn’t bet on that, Chakotay…” Tom was laughing his head off, pointing to the holograph that now stood out from the book.

“We were four,” Kathryn’s tone was low and dangerous, “FOUR, Tom. We had come in from playing and were covered in mud.”

Chakotay patted Kathryn’s knee placatingly as he laughed. “I’m surprised you got over the trauma of these pictures enough to consider going out with him.”

Kathryn sniffed disdainfully, sipping her beer and trying not to pay attention to the crowd that had congregated around their feet for a better view of the album as they paged through numerous pictures of young Kathryn with puppies, Santa, her father, family and friends, and in bathtubs. “I can get over a great many things if given proper inducement, Chakotay.”

“It seems the penchant for taking pictures of Kathryn in the bathtub didn’t stop after puberty.” Tom’s eyebrow rose.

Kathryn blushed, “Thank my sister for that… Phoebe only took up photography to embarrass me.”

“She’s quite the photographer, Kathryn.” the Doctor seemed to stumble a bit at using the Captain’s name, “Perhaps I could speak to her about her tech…”

Kathryn’s glare cut him off. “ At least none of the ones where she caught me without bubblebath in the tub are in there.”

“You mean they do exist,” As Tom grinned you could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

Kathryn looked at him pointedly, “Only if Phoebe managed to hide the isolinears from me. Besides she’d never show you and if she did, you’d never survive.”

“Come on Kathryn, you wouldn’t kill me.” Tom teased.

A slow creeping smile spread across Kathryn’s face. “I wouldn’t have to. B’e or someone else would take care of it for me.” Tom caught sight of Chakotay’s clenched fist, hidden where Kathryn wouldn’t see it and knew the truth of her words.

Suddenly a picture of a young Kathryn in a beautiful off the shoulders, teal green satin gown with a deep cut neckline, princess waist and full skirt popped into existence on the album. Her long reddish blonde hair was pulled up loosely and curled into ringlets that spilled over her creamy white shoulders and around her long neck. “Oh goodness, Kathryn… You look like a princess.” Sam exclaimed.

“My high school graduation.” Kathryn sighed a bit unhappily at the memory. “I did look good didn’t I?” Kathryn pushed the memories aside, her crew silently acknowledging that she didn’t seem to want to talk about the subject and they continued to page through the album. Laughing at points, while Kathryn blushed and defended or making appropriate noises of awe, that also made Kathryn blush.

Finally Sam closed the book and set it aside. "Tom, I think it's time you, me and your wife go and rescue Phoebe from Miral and Naomi since she was so kind as to volunteer to baby-sit."

“Kind,” Kathryn scoffed not noticing the Chakotay had picked the album up again. “She only did it so she wouldn’t have to help haul this stuff again. She helped me move in here seventeen years ago.”

“And she’s probably aware of your packrat tendencies,” Harry added.

B’Elanna pulled Harry to his feet, “Get over it, Starfleet.” B’Elanna resurrected her old nickname for him, “and I’ll ride with you to the recycle facility. If Tom and Sam don’t mind.” Tom and Sam shook their heads and stood slowly.

“Which means I better get going to the storage facility,” Ayala stood stiffly, “You want a ride back to your apartment Celes?” Celes nodded and stood.

“I have exams in the morning,” Seven supplied, “I must return to my quarters.”

The Doctor stood, “It would be a lovely walk, Seven, if you don’t mind me joining you.” Seven nodded in agreement. Kathryn moved to the door, hugging and bidding farewell to everyone as they left, promising a ‘house warming’ party once she had finished her renovations and to stay in touch more with all of them. As the room finally cleared, Kathryn turned back to the couch where Chakotay sat with the album on his lap again showing the holo of her in her graduation dress.

“There’s a story behind this one,” Chakotay regarded her, “Care to share?”

Kathryn shook her head as she sat down beside him. “It’s nothing Chakotay.” Chakotay’s eyebrow arched and she sighed. “I was going out with Cheb Packer at that point. One of our many break-ups was right before graduation. The only date I could have gotten at that point was Mark and I was too proud to go with him.” She smiled her crooked, self-depreciating little smile. “It’s just not any fun to go to your graduation dance and watch the boy who was supposed to be your date dance with the cheerleading Captain while you hold up the wall.”

Communication was silent as their eyes met and held each other’s gaze. Finally Chakotay spoke, “I have lessons to prepare, only a week before I start teaching classes.”

“Ah yes, the new Professor of Anthropology at the University of California.” Kathryn smiled as he stood, then pulled her to her feet.

“Some of us are gainfully employed,” Chakotay teased.

Kathryn snorted, “I may not be employed, but don’t bet I won’t be busy. I still have to renovate this place.”

“You could just hire someone,” Chakotay sighed, “But of course, you won’t…”

Kathryn grinned, “Where would the fun be in that?”

“If you need help…” Chakotay offered.

“If you’re as good with wood as I remember, you can count on it.” Kathryn inquired. One of the first things they had worked out was a way to ask those kinds of questions without bringing up mention of alternates or other universes.

Chakotay nodded in answer then pulled her into a hug. “Good night, Kath.”

“Good night, Chakotay.” Kathryn brushed her lips gently against his cheek, “Sleep well.”

**********************

“Tell me again why I have to come with you to pick out a dog, Kathryn?” Chakotay sighed.

Kathryn sighed, was she doomed to fall in love with men who didn’t appreciate dogs, “Since Mark is married, I can’t very well leave my dog with him. He barely put up with it when I was his fiancée. My mother has Molly, who is too old to put up with my new dog, if she had to take care of him. Phoebe won’t dog sit. So we have to make sure you like my dog so I can count on you to dog sit him.”

“You could put him in a kennel,” Chakotay offered innocently. Kathryn looked at him, horrified and he knew he had suggested the wrong thing. “Okay, so do you have any idea of what kind of dog you’d like?”

“We’ll just walk the kennels, and I’ll know him when I see him.” Kathryn answered as they entered the pound. Chakotay sighed; following Kathryn to the kennel area and bracing himself as the noise of a hundred dogs begging for attention assaulted his ears.

Chakotay watched as Kathryn crouched beside the kennels, sticking her fingers through the mesh, coaxing the dogs closer and allowing them to lick her face. If anyone had told him this was the ultra disciplined Starship Captain who had gotten her crew home from the Delta Quadrant he would have laughed in their face, had he not known already. While many of the people in the shelter only looked at the puppies, Kathryn gave each dog equal time. Finally she came to a kennel where a monstrously tall, off white dog with course, wavy longish hair lay quietly.

“Him…” She looked at the placard beside the kennel and smiled, “Merlin.”

Chakotay approached and looked at the dog questioningly, “Isn’t he a little big for you, Kathryn.”

“Nonsense, Chakotay.” Kathryn exclaimed as the dog regarded them with doe like brown eyes, “He’s just a big baby. Go tell the kennel manager that we want to take him for a walk.” Chakotay sighed and shook his head, but did as she asked and went to see the kennel manager. He came back with a young woman, who smiled widely at Kathryn.

“He’s a papered Irish Wolfhound. He belonged to a Captain Riley, who recently passed on with no family to take care of the dog. A retired Starfleet Captain.” At this Kathryn smile became even wider. Chakotay sighed; there would be no reasoning with her now.

“You see Chakotay, a Captain’s dog. He was meant for me.” Kathryn handed her ID over to the girl who smiled widely as she read Kathryn’s title.

The girl opened the kennel and slipped inside, attaching the leash to the dog’s collar and led him out to Kathryn. “I keep your ID at the front desk, while you take him out.” She handed the leash down to Kathryn who had already crouched down and was getting a thorough face washing from the dog. With each successive lick, Merlin’s tail wagged more, until the backs of Chakotay’s legs were being whipped by the dog’s tail. “I think someone’s made a new friend.” The girl laughed, “I haven’t seen him that happy since he came to stay with us.”

Kathryn stood up and took a step forward. Merlin heeled instantly. Kathryn grinned smugly at Chakotay as they walked out of the shelter and into the dog park. Merlin kept pace with Kathryn, his tail beating madly as they walked down the path towards the fenced in area. Chakotay smiled, as he watched Merlin and Kathryn from a few steps behind. She looked like a little girl walking her parent’s dog due to the pair’s mismatched size, but both seemed extremely happy in each other’s company. Maybe, he could get used to the horse-sized beast. Chakotay opened the gate, allowing Kathryn and Merlin to pass into the fenced area, and then closed it behind them. Kathryn had already detached the leash and pulled a red, blue and white ball from her pocket by the time Chakotay had joined them. Kathryn heaved the ball to the far side of the park and Merlin dove after it reaching the other side at almost the same moment the ball did.

“Are you sure, Kathryn?” Chakotay asked calmly.

Kathryn smiled as Merlin dropped the ball at her feet. She bent to pick it up and ruffled his fur while she spoke, “I need something to keep the other half of my bed warm at night.” Chakotay raised an eyebrow at her as she stood and flung the ball again.

“There are other ways to keep your bed warm at night, Kathryn.” The words seemed to tumble from his mouth before he could stop them. Kathryn looked at him, her expression somewhere between shock and hope. Their eyes locked. Chakotay didn’t know why he had said that, he had always thought of Kathryn as a sister, his best friend. He couldn’t ruin that, not when he’d very nearly ruined it by being dishonest with her. Although this was a different Kathryn and he was doing his best to treat her as a different person and build a new relationship with her, he didn’t want to give her hope that it could become something more than a friendship. His feelings were too long ingrained for him to believe that possible. “You should start dating again, Kathryn.”

Kathryn felt her heart drop. She looked away, forcing back the tears that threatened. She scolded herself mentally. It was too soon to expect that much progress. “I haven’t really met anyone that interests me, Chakotay.”

“Up until recently you were too devoted to Starfleet to take much time for yourself. Now you spend most of your free time with me. I might be doing you a disservice, taking up so much of your time.” Chakotay watched as Merlin retrieved the ball again, bringing it back to Kathryn at a dead run.

She looked at Chakotay sharply as she took the ball from Merlin’s mouth and threw it again. “Your friendship is too important to me to not take the time to rebuild it, Chakotay. I once told you I couldn’t imagine a day without you. That still stands. It’s more important to me than any possible relationship I might find.” Merlin was back at her feet as she finished speaking. ‘With someone other than the man I love.’ Kathryn thought as she threw the ball again. “Besides it takes me a long time to warm up to someone. Look at Mark.” ‘Look at yourself,’ she added mentally.

Chakotay watched the dog retrieve the ball and return to his new mistress, “All the more reason…”

“NO,” Kathryn took the ball from Merlin but didn’t throw it again, instead she knelt and put the leash back on the collar, “This isn’t up for further discussion, Chakotay.” She looked at him pleadingly.

Chakotay nodded, respecting the limit she had set. “Let’s go and get the paperwork set up to take Merlin home.”

***********

Kathryn led Merlin into the house and watched Chakotay drive away through her front window. Her movement’s were almost mechanical as she set out bowls for Merlin, filled them with food, hung his leash on a coat hook in the kitchen, carried the new extra large snuggle bed into her bedroom and laid it on the floor. She had to shut her feelings down just to function. Chakotay not only didn’t want her, but he was encouraging her to date. She collapsed on the bed in a heap; her body shuddering with the tears that came like a torrent. A few moments later a heavy weight joined her on the bed. Kathryn looked up to find Merlin looking at her with concerned brown eyes and she rolled against him, burying her face in his long fur. Eventually her sobbing slowed and she fell into a fitful sleep.

“Decided to give up on Chuckles Mark Two did you?” an annoying voice roused her from her slumber. Kathryn slowly sat up. It was clear in her mind that she did not really want to face Q, but also that she really did not have much choice. “Your new boyfriend seems like a more intelligent choice.” He gestured towards the dog.

“Q, get out!” Kathryn alpha snarled at the omnipotent being. Only to be joined by Merlin snarling protectively at her side. Kathryn caught Merlin’s collar at the last moment as he began to lunge for the omnipotent troublemaker. “If it weren’t for you Q, my Chakotay would still be here, and he would have waited.”

Q chuckled, “So sure of that, Captain? Remember what Chuckles told you about the Scorpion, that they can’t help but sting and that the Borg would always betray you. Well, if you knew the universes like I do, you’d realize that that goes double for housebroken drones.”

Kathryn’s eyes narrowed again, “Are you here to gloat, Q? It seems pointless for you to bring the other Kathryn back here since nothing we do is going to change his mind. Was this all a way for you to feel superior in some sadistic little game you were playing?”

“Au contraire, Kathy. The motives for Mon Admiral and myself were always honest. Better to inspect yours rather than mine.” Q snapped his fingers and Merlin was held behind an invisible force screen as he sat beside Kathryn on her bed. “Do you really love this Chakotay? Or are all your tears for the one that got away? That perfect life, you coulda/woulda/shoulda had if you were brave enough.”

Q’s words were harsh but they posed a relevant question. Did she love this Chakotay, or was this an ill-conceived attempt to recapture something she had foolishly discarded. While her mind mulled over this thought, she reacted instinctively. “None of your business, Q.”

“That’s right, Kathy… When I’m right it’s ‘none of my business’, so you can plow ahead doing what you wanted to anyway.” Q smiled at her proudly, “Keep it up and you’ll be back to business as usual in no time.”

Kathryn’s eyes widened. “I won’t make the same mistake twice, Q.”

“Really?” Q feigned surprise at her remark, “Seems you’ve been terribly good at repeating your mistakes… Over and over and over. Especially where Chuckles is concerned.” Q set his hand on her knee and Kathryn pulled back, fixing Q with an angry glare. “And we haven’t even figured out whether you love Chuckles Mark Two or not.”

Kathryn as much as she was loathed to admit it, she knew Q was right. That and the fact that he seemed to be trying to help, at least when Kathryn prime was here, prompted her to speak. “I can’t be certain that all that I feel about this Chakotay is about him. Anymore than he can be certain that what he feels about me is. The situation *you* created made that impossible, Q.” Q was silent. “I can be certain of a few things though. For the last four years we were in the Delta Quadrant and the past two here, it was like there was a dark cloud over me. It wasn’t the Chakotay who originally belonged in this universe that helped me push it back, though he might have if he stayed. It was this Chakotay.” Kathryn stopped speaking and stood. If she had been in her quarters on Voyager she would have walked to her viewport, as it stood she ended up sitting in the alcove of the bay window in her bedroom. “I don’t know if I was still in love with Chakotay when we returned home. It certainly didn’t feel that way.” She was silent again. “Now I have no doubt that I am in love with Chakotay. So I must have fallen in love with him somewhere between then and now. This Chakotay. For all the good it does me.” When Kathryn turned back to the bed, Q was long gone only Merlin lay quietly whining on the bed. Kathryn shook her head woefully as she sat beside the dog, using the gentle rhythm of her stroking his coat to soothe them both.

***********

Despite her emotional state, she managed to replicate dinner for herself and Merlin without incident. As Kathryn ate, Merlin mooched and though she knew she shouldn’t, she fed him bits and pieces. As odd as it sounded to her, Kathryn talked to Merlin about nothing in particular just to fill the silence. Merlin’s attentive gaze and the odd facial expressions he made cheered Kathryn’s mood exponentially. By the time her doorbell rang, she didn’t have to force a smile as she answered.

“Hi,” Chakotay looked uncertain as he stood before her.

Kathryn caught Merlin’s collar as he bounded for the door, using him as an excuse to not meet Chakotay’s eyes. “Hi.”

“I have a favor to ask,” Chakotay started, “I know it’s probably a bad time, but I have a problem.” Kathryn motioned for him to come in, but he stayed on the step. “I got home and my apartment manager had left me a notice.” Kathryn arched her eyebrow but nodded, “I’ve been harboring a feline in a ‘no pets’ building, now it’s either me or her.”

Kathryn tried to keep her face straight, but failed miserably. Her body shook with laughter and even Chakotay smiled, “Why didn’t you move if you wanted a pet?”

“Lease” Chakotay replied.

“What do you want me to do about…” Kathryn started as Chakotay swung a small gray pet carrier in front of himself. “No… No… I don’t know if my dog likes cats, but I do know that I don’t.”

“Kathryn,” Chakotay turned his dimples on full, “Meet my cat, Cath…”

Kathryn’s hands found her hips as she cut him off; “You named your cat, Kath… After me?”

“Actually no, her name is Cat, with a C…” Chakotay answered, “It just sort of degenerated from there.”

“Very original… Cat.” Kathryn’s hands hadn’t left her hips but she seemed more bemused now, “And it degenerated into Cath…” Chakotay nodded with a grin.

“Can we at least come in to see if she and Merlin will get along?” Chakotay asked as he slipped past Kathryn and Merlin, cat carrier in tow.

“Why not?” Kathryn looked down at her dog, which turned away from the door to go investigate the carrier. She swung the door closed and followed Merlin.

Chakotay had opened the carrier and let out this large, orange monstrosity, with no tail and pointed ears, which more closely resembled a bobcat than anything domestic. “I think she’s a Maine Coon - Manx cross. I wouldn’t know though, she was a stray. She found her way to my door during that rainstorm three months ago, howled until I opened up so she could invite herself in. She only answered to ‘Cat’ at first so it stuck.”

“Chakotay, I’ve had dogs smaller than your cat.” Kathryn watched the cat walk out of the carrier as though she owned the house.

Chakotay shrugged, “I’ve seen horses smaller than your dog. Your point?”

Kathryn conceded the point with a nod, then held her breath as the dog and cat met nose to nose. They regarded each other warily, and then Merlin rolled onto his side and fell asleep. The cat jumped onto the sofa and after making three turns and kneading Chakotay’s lap with very sharp claws, if his facial expressions were any indication, curled up and went to sleep. “She won’t be any trouble.” Chakotay started, then an expression crossed his face and he stopped speaking for a moment. “Actually you two are quite alike, you’ll probably…”

“Probably?” Kathryn watched Chakotay search for words.

Chakotay sighed, “Kill each other.”

Kathryn took pity on Chakotay and smiled widely, “Why would you choose to keep her if she’s so difficult to live with?”

“I guess I like living with a domineering woman,” Chakotay answered with a grin. “It felt odd not having anyone supervising my every move.”

Kathryn snorted, “You mean keeping you out of trouble.” Kathryn looked at the cat sleeping peacefully on Chakotay’s lap. Then she turned her attention to his face, which held an expression of contentment as he stroked the purring feline. Chakotay’s gaze rose and met hers, but Kathryn looked away quickly, focusing on Merlin, who conveniently got up, padding to where he could lean on Kathryn’s legs. “She can stay,” Kathryn finally spoke, “As long as I don’t have to clean her litter, you come to visit her regularly and the first curtain or piece of furniture she shreds, you’re finding a new cat sitter.”

Chakotay stood, lifting the sleeping cat and setting her in Kathryn’s lap, despite Kathryn’s protests. “You two get to know each other,” he smiled, “while I go out to the car to get her supplies and our dessert. Coffee ice cream and pecan pie from the bakery you like.” Merlin looked bored at the new occupant of Kathryn’s lap and lay down over his mistress’ feet.

Kathryn lost herself in the rhythm of Cat’s purring, as she stroked her fur. She barely noticed the time pass while Chakotay retrieved Cat’s possessions, placing them as inconspicuously as possible, then returning with both dessert and coffee for both of them. Cat heard the dishes being set on the coffee table, jumped down off of Kathryn’s lap to wind herself around Chakotay’s feet and then placed both her paws on the coffee table sticking her nose into the coffee ice cream on her master’s plate. “Bad Cath… be a good house guest.” Chakotay scolded the feline only to be interrupted by Kathryn’s laughter filling the room. He looked at Kathryn then joined her in her laughter. “You see how much you two are alike… You can’t keep her out of the coffee ice cream.”

Kathryn smiled then stood and walked into the kitchen. She returned with a small bowl of ice cream and a slender slice of pecan pie. Setting the bowl on the table, “Come on Cath. If you’re going to be a good house guest, I better be a good hostess.” The cat obligingly hopped up on the table and started lapping at her share of the ice cream. Then she set the plate on the floor in front of Merlin, who immediately wolfed the entire piece down in one gulp. Kathryn picked her own plate up of the table once more and looked at Chakotay, who raised his eyebrow and inclined his head towards Cat, sitting on the coffee table. “Simple, there were only one outcome to a situation between them over the ice cream. My dog sans one body part.”

“How did you come to that conclusion?” Chakotay’s grin spread and his dimples became evident.

Kathryn rose to the bait, “He’s just a big baby…” She patted the dog’s side, which was looking sidelong at the cat and her ice cream but had enough manners not to go for anything on the table. Kathryn’s face became mischievous, “Our big baby.” She turned the dog’s head so he could see his eyes, “Look, Chakotay. He even has your eyes.”

Chakotay looked at Kathryn incredulously but her grin was contagious. “Cath will be good practice for you, since any daughter you have will likely be as stubborn as you are.”

“Is that what you’re doing Chakotay? Practicing…” Kathryn teased.

“Wouldn’t want to get out of practice now would I?” Chakotay answered as his eyes caught hers for a moment. As the moment passed, Chakotay stood, “I should get going.” He reached down to pet Cat, and then moved to give Merlin a pat.

Kathryn stood and walked him to the door. “Goodnight, Chakotay.” She stood on tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

“Goodnight, Kath.” He grinned mischievously then kissed her forehead.

******************

Merlin was whining in the kitchen. She could hear Chakotay in her bedroom cursing at something. Cath was busy trying her best to walk through the paint tray while Kathryn tried to hold the curious cat at bay with her foot while she manipulated the long handled paint roller. Finishing the final stroke on the ceiling, she quickly set the tool down and grabbed the cat. “You, miss, are a complete pain. It’s a good thing I like your daddy so much. You make a good excuse for him to be over here.” Kathryn deposited the cat back in the washroom. Then stopped by her bedroom door. “Chakotay, you let Cath out of the bathroom again.”

“Sorry… Do you want to come in and see your closet?” Chakotay grinned.

Kathryn smiled back, unable to stay annoyed at him very long. ‘Damned dimples.’ Kathryn followed him to her closet and took a deep breath. “Chakotay, it’s wonderful and with that wood it seems a shame to close the closet doors, not to mention the baseboard.” Both were made of oak and polished to a glowing golden hue, which would match Kathryn’s poster bed. Against the subtle cream colour of her walls, it gave the room a warm yet elegant tone.

Chakotay’s grin grew larger; “You’re welcome. Now let’s go see how you’re doing in the living room.” Kathryn groaned. He took a look around and his dimples got deeper, “I think someone is too used to giving orders and having someone else carry them out.”

“Chakotay…” Kathryn’s voice took on a warning tone.

Chakotay picked up the long handled roller, rolled it through the tray then turned his attention to the ceiling. “Let’s get this finished so you can get back to the coffee you were obviously drinking while I was rebuilding your closet.” Instead of the rebuttal he expected there was silence from beside him. He turned to apologize, thinking he’d pushed too far only to find a paint roller running down his face. “Kathryn…” He growled.

Kathryn squealed and held her paint roller in front of her like a shield. “You deserved that… If it wasn’t for you letting Cath out of the bathroom every ten minutes, I’d have been finished by now.” Chakotay advanced, slowly stalking her. “Chakotay, whatever you are thinking about doing… Don’t! Just don’t.” His silence was overwhelming. He just kept moving forward. Kathryn was too busy thinking of what form his revenge would take to notice that he had maneuvered her into the corner. Moving suddenly, he closed the distance between them, took her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers hard.

Kathryn struggled against him, feeling the stickiness of the paint against her skin and her lips. Then it struck her… Chakotay was kissing her. Hard. On the lips. She froze for a moment her mind unable to comprehend what was happening. Slowly her arms wound around his neck pulling herself closer. Molding her lips and body to his, she took full advantage of his attack. She ran her hands into his close-cropped hair, running her fingers against its softness.

Her lips, soft and wet against his, parted quickly as his tongue flicked against them. Kathryn moaned as his tongue met hers, moving against each other, exploring. His hands left her cheeks and slowly ran down her neck and over her shoulders. She shivered as they made their way down her back to come rest in the small of her back and pulled her tighter to him. Kathryn nibbled his lips with her teeth, tasting him. He responded in kind, catching her lower lip between his teeth, teasing it with the tip of his tongue. His fingers slowly traced her spine, up her neck and threaded themselves into her short silken locks.

As he slowly pulled away finally breaking the kiss, she trembled against him, clinging, unwilling to give up the closeness. Almost afraid, yet having to know, she opened her eyes, her gaze smoky. Chakotay looked surprised, yet not unpleasantly so. His gaze was gentle as he ran the back of his hand over her cheek. “We should get cleaned up,” his voice was low with a gravelly quality. Shivers ran down her spine, between that tone and what she thought she had felt against her belly in the last seconds of the kiss, Kathryn knew she had affected him. Perhaps not as much as he had effected her, but she had affected him. She stepped away from him, watching him shyly. “Ladies first.” He gestured towards the bathroom then turned to pick up the paint pan and rollers. Once his attention was fully turned from her, she reluctantly walked down the hall and slipped into the bathroom.

Turning on the water and adjusting the temperature she stepped in and closed the glass partition before activating the showerhead. She gasped as the lukewarm water hit her skin. Her body had reacted violently to Chakotay’s proximity as the sensation of the water pounding it’s rhythm against her skin proved. Keeping her eyes closed, she imagined that it was Chakotay’s hands running over her skin, lathering the soap, and running fingers through her hair. She moaned loudly and her eyes flew open, hoping that the noise of the water masked the sound. Kathryn held her breath for a few moments, trying to ignore the ache that seemed to amplify between her legs at the thought of Chakotay being in the other room.

Disregarding her better judgment, she removed the handset for the shower from it’s place, sat down on the shower seat, positioning herself carefully, then slowly directed the spray at her overly sensitive nipples. Closing her eyes again, she imagined it was Chakotay’s lips, teeth and tongue that brought her nipples to hard attention. Her breathing quickened as she slowly moved the handset lower, until the water pulsed against the ache in her center. Kathryn kept her mind focused on her fantasy, her moans growing louder. Again the thought intruded that Chakotay might hear her impassioned cries which pushed her over the edge, making her call out despite her fears into the hard spray of water.

Moments later she emerged refreshed and relaxed though she found it hard to look at Chakotay without blushing. If he had heard any of her cries though he didn’t make an issue of it. “Kathryn, you might want to change into your bathing suit. I have something to show you.” He grinned boyishly then slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

“My bathing suit…” Kathryn repeated before making her way to her guest room where her bedroom furniture had been moved while she was working on her own bedroom. When she emerged Chakotay was already out of the bathroom, and was clad in a pair of black swim trunks that fit just right, displaying the impressive musculature of his ass. She felt the ache reappear, weaker but still there. ‘Where the hell did my self control go?’ She wondered then realized Chakotay was speaking to her.

“… Kathryn? You weren’t listening to me at all.” He shook his head teasingly, “What planet were you on?”

“I apologize, Chakotay.” Kathryn blushed. “I was thinking about the renovations.”

Chakotay made a disapproving clucking noise at her, “No more work today. I have something to show you.”

“All right,” Kathryn agreed.

“Close your eyes,” Kathryn complied and felt Chakotay’s hands on her waist, guiding her out her back door. He spoke while her eyes were closed; “I was never on New Earth, so when I read about it in the logs I was intrigued. You can open your eyes now…” Kathryn did and gasped. Just off her deck placed inconspicuously was a cedar gazebo with what appeared to be a wooden hot tub in the center of it. Tears began to bead in her eyes as Chakotay continued, “Especially about building the bathtub, so after Tom teased you about not having a hot tub, well I decided to do something about it while you were away last weekend speaking at that symposium. Do you like it Kathryn?”

“It’s wonderful, Chakotay.” Her voice was emotion laden with barely hidden sobs.

Chakotay turned her to face him, “Kathryn?” His face was concerned.

Kathryn’s mind whirled, ‘How do I tell him what that bathtub… what all of New Earth meant when he’s only just beginning to … whatever it is we’re beginning.’ His expression was so worried that she forced herself to speak, “It really is wonderful Chakotay. I love it. New Earth is just… It’s so hard to explain. As much as I am happy to be home, I know I had to sacrifice a wonderful life I could have had there with…”

“With him.” Chakotay said softly. She searched his eyes that seemed full of such mixed emotions: sympathy, concern and perhaps even a little envy.

Kathryn nodded then leaned in close, laying her head on his shoulder. “*You* have brought a little piece of that life here, Chakotay and for that I am eternally grateful.” She added mentally, ‘whether you understand what this means or not.’

Chakotay held her for a few moments then started to speak as he led her to the sheltered pool. “It’s probably a little fancier than you had on New Earth. This one has molded seats and pulsing jets.” Chakotay teased and Kathryn started laughing.

“Let’s get in and you can tell me all about it…”

*****************

Chakotay wasn’t certain how Kathryn had convinced him to accompany her, but now he found himself visiting her mother and family in Indiana for Gretchen’s birthday. Of course, everyone assumed that he and Kathryn was a couple and when he corrected them Kathryn had to hide such a hurt look that he wished he had kept his mouth shut. Officially nothing had changed between them. Officially they were still best friends. In practice, however things were changing. Since the kiss, during renovations things had been subtly different. He could no longer just classify Kathryn as ‘Kathryn’, his best friend and ‘little sister’. Now he was aware of her as a woman, a very arousing one at that. As Chakotay analyzed his feelings he realized now there was the potential for more, and that worried him as much as it intrigued him.

Coming so close to loosing Kathryn as a friend made him reluctant to risk what they had on what they could have. He had to admit that this Kathryn was as different as she was alike to his Katie. It was the differences that were allowing him to see her in a different light. He sat on the porch of the farmhouse alone now, Gretchen having insisted that Kathryn help with the kitchen chores, thinking things through as he pets Merlin.

“My sister is very taken with you,” the voice always shocked him with how similar it was to Kathryn’s.

Chakotay turned slightly and smiled up at Phoebe, “I care about her very much as well. Don’t let the fact that we’re just friends make you think I don’t love her.”

“But not the way she loves you.” Phoebe settled down on the step beside him. “She loves you and is in love with you but you only love her.”

“My feelings are … changing. I’m not sure…” Chakotay couldn’t understand it himself, so how could he explain it to Phoebe.

“If you love her, do her a favor. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you probably won’t. So let her go… Kathryn won’t want to let loose, but if you push her she’ll go.” Phoebe clenched and unclenched her fists. “My sister deserves someone who loves her as much as she loves them. She already wasted almost a decade in the Delta Quadrant. She can’t afford to waste anymore time.” Phoebe stood again and set her hand on his shoulder, “I like you Chakotay. I’d be happy to welcome you into the family…” Her voice trailed off, her meaning clear.

“I understand,” even though her words echoed his own thoughts on the matter, Chakotay couldn’t explain why hearing them aloud made his stomach twist.

***************

Kathryn led Chakotay out of the house under the cloak of darkness. “Shhhh… Mom would be telling me I am too old to be doing this… So don’t make a sound, we don’t want to get caught.”

“What exactly are we doing?” Chakotay chuckled.

Kathryn gestured to where he could see the outline of a tall oak silhouetted by moonlight. “My tree. We’re going to sit in my tree.” She went closer, grabbing one of the more solid limbs and started pulling herself up. It wasn’t as easy for Kathryn as it once had been, until she felt strong hands on her waist boosting her up to the first branch. Then Chakotay boosted himself up and they both scrambled as high as they dared, allowing for the branches to support their weight. “Other than on Voyager, this is the most beautiful view of the moon and stars.” Kathryn sighed happily as she leaned against the trunk of the tree.

Chakotay looked out into the night sky and nodded, “At least as beautiful as a New Mexican night.”

“Really…” Kathryn teased, “I don’t think I believe you, nothing is this beautiful. You’ll have to show me sometime.” Just then a rumbling purr echoed from higher above them and Cath dropped onto Chakotay claws extended. As Chakotay became unbalanced from pain and surprise, Kathryn reached out and steadied him. “Are you all right?”

Chakotay nodded and set the cat on the branch beside him. The cat purred and pushed her head against her human’s side. “Yet something else you two have in common… She likes your tree.”

“Well, Cath is a very good daughter to us,” Kathryn laughed.

An arched eyebrow was Chakotay’s response. Silence reigned for a few moments before Kathryn spoke again. “I always thought by this time, I’d have a daughter that would sit in the tree with me.” She looked out to the stars. Cath meandered over Chakotay’s legs and bumped into Kathryn, “Yes, I know Cat… But I was hoping for one without fur.” Kathryn took a moment to stroke the cat’s fur. “I always used to come here when I needed to think as a girl. Daddy always seemed to know when I needed to talk or when I needed to be alone, even though I came to my tree in either case. I always thought that I’d been doing that for my own children by now, but the Delta Quadrant put that on hold.” The tone of her voice betrayed the fact that she grieved for the children she believed she would never have. For a dream lost.

Phoebe was right, if he backed off now; maybe, just maybe there would be time for Kathryn to reclaim this dream so close to her heart. It wouldn’t be fair to her, for him to keep her hanging on when he wasn’t certain what he wanted and it certainly wasn’t a situation that they as a couple should try to bring children into. Chakotay sat stunned for a moment, where the hell had he gotten the idea of them having children. He steeled himself, for her own good he would push her away so that she could find someone who could love her without reservation.

He looked at his best friend’s beautiful face, sparkling in the moonlight from the tears that had escaped her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. His heart went out to her, and he longed to take her in his arms. Instead he pushed his newborn feelings down, climbed down from the branches, lifted Cath to the ground then held out his arms to Kathryn who sat silently as though she hadn’t noticed him moving to leave. “We should go in…”

Kathryn shook her head. “I’ll be fine Chakotay. Go on inside.” She listened as he moved away from her, the opening and closing of the porch door announcing his complete departure. Kathryn pulled herself closer to the cool bark of the tree and let her tears fall freely.

********************

Kathryn smoothed the line of the jade green, oriental sheath dress as she waited for Chakotay to retrieve her from her cabin. Her mind was trying to sort through the suggestions Kathryn prime had made about the cruise and Chakotay in the face of his apparent retreat from their developing relationship. Since her mother’s birthday, he had backed off once more leaving Kathryn to wonder what had happened. Had he been so embarrassed by her family’s assumption that he was her fiancé that he had decided to pull away? It made no sense to her that that would be the case, but she couldn’t be sure. If they hadn’t already booked the tickets for this cruise before the trip to Indiana, she was certain she would be coming alone or not at all. As it was it had taken all of her powers of persuasion to convince him not to give his ticket to Phoebe.

Kathryn pushed the errant thoughts from her mind as she fiddled with the elaborate button on the mandarin collar. Getting more frustrated by the minute; the door chime sounded and Kathryn called out, “Come.” The door slid open and Chakotay stepped in dressed in a fitted brown vest over a linen shirt with a priest collar giving him a roguish look that made Kathryn’s breath catch as she turned to face him. “Chakotay, could you please help me with this,” she indicated the button, “I don’t think I’ve got it and I don’t want it to come open and…” She indicated the triangular shaped cut out beneath the collar and over her breasts.

“You’d be the center of attention,” Chakotay chuckled as he moved to close the clasp.

She shivered as his hands brushed her skin, “That sort of attention I don’t need.”

“Done,” Chakotay pulled his hands away and looked at her admiringly. “The dress does look wonderful on you.”

“I’ll have to thank Harry again. Although I wonder how he knew to get me one with a phoenix.” She indicated the intricately embroidered golden bird that decorated the front. Kathryn smiled knowingly as Chakotay put her lace shawl over her shoulders and acted innocent.

“It is the Chinese female divinity symbol,” Chakotay answered non-committally.

Kathryn laughed unable to resist teasing him, “Are you saying that Harry thinks I am a goddess?”

“Him amongst others,” whispered Chakotay. He gestured for her to precede him as they exited her quarters and fell in a step behind her. Finding himself concentrating on Kathryn too much for his own comfort he distracted himself with comparing traveling aboard this cruise ship, christened Voyager in honour of their own great ship, with the original. He had been surprised to find out that Kathryn liked open water as much as he did, though they both preferred sailing to this ocean liner. Kathryn had seemed put out for a moment that he didn’t ‘remember’ then had caught herself and had apologized silently with one of her trademark quirky grins.

Shaking his head, he couldn’t believe how quickly distracting himself had turned back into thoughts of Kathryn. He had to break himself of this habit for both their own good. Perhaps Kathryn would find a shipboard romance. Chakotay tried to control the twist in his stomach and ignored the surge of jealous rage that coursed through him at the thought. It was then that he noticed Kathryn looking at him concerned and he turned away from the chaos of his own thoughts. “Are you alright, Chakotay?”

“Fine, Kathryn.” Chakotay answered and her face turned from concern to slight annoyance. “I’m sorry. My mind was elsewhere.”

Kathryn arched her eyebrow inquisitively; when no explanation was forthcoming she spoke again, “We’ve been invited to dine at the Captain’s table. It seems *she’s* quite impressed with the idea of the original Voyager command team being aboard her vessel.”

“Why do I have a feeling we’re going to do more talking than eating tonight?” Chakotay asked with a grin.

Kathryn shrugged, “The real question is, how do we cover discrepancies in our stories?”

“As always Captain, I’ll follow your lead.” Chakotay grinned as Kathryn leveled a death glare at him, “I know… You are on sabbatical.”

“Damn straight,” Kathryn growled playfully as the Maitre’d led them to the Captain’s table. Everyone stood respectfully as they approached. Chakotay watched as Kathryn complimented the captain on her ship and the young woman beamed and offered Kathryn the grand tour. Chakotay watched Kathryn as she accepted graciously, pulling out a chair for her in the meantime. When her attention returned to him, she smiled brightly at him then slipped into her chair.

Chakotay sat in his own chair, still preoccupied with observing her. Sudden memories flashed through his mind and he had to smile. When Harry had called and said that he, Tom and B’e had found a dress for Kathryn in Beijing where they were touring and he had to ask him for advice on it, his first response had been to deny he knew Kathryn’s dress size. At that there had been a loud guffaw from Tom, and a resounding thwack of a half-klingon hand against the back of the pilot’s head, while Harry reassured him that B’Elanna knew the Kathryn’s dress size. When he had started to advise on colour, Tom piped up once again, he had already chosen the deep jade green silk that would accent Kathryn’s hair and appeal to the Irish blood flowing in her veins. Chakotay’s annoyance and confusion must have shown on the vid screen as Harry had pulled back slightly. Then he had explained that, he needed to pick between an Imperial Red Dragon and a Golden Phoenix to be embroidered into the front of the dress and he was worried that Kathryn would take a dragon the wrong way. Chakotay almost broke down laughing at that point, the thought of Harry calling Kathryn Janeway a ‘dragon lady’ almost too much to bear. Chakotay had told Harry to play it safe and pick the Phoenix. He knew full well that Kathryn would be enchanted by the ‘goldenbird’ not to mention be kept occupied for days trying to figure out if Mr. Kim knew the reference, if he himself had revealed it to Harry or if it was just a coincidence.

Now as he sat beside her, Chakotay also realized the Phoenix was the perfect symbol for Kathryn, besides the obvious reference to her father’s pet name for her. She had reconstructed her life in the Alpha Quadrant from the ashes left by her long absence with Voyager, loosing a fiancé in the process. Then unknowing she had lost her best friend, only to have him replaced with his alternate from another universe. Then when she found out instead of casting him from her life, she had resolutely rebuilt their friendship, forgiving him his transgression. This Kathryn’s courage and strength of will never ceased to amaze him, and he wondered if perhaps he had sold his Katie short, in forcing her into the younger sibling role and having never truly seen who she was. They both deserved better than him, and though it was too late for his Katie, he was determined to let this Kathryn find someone who truly loved her and deserved her. No matter how much pain it might cause him. He had confidence that she would rise from the ashes once more and come away stronger and happier for it.

“Chakotay…” Kathryn rolled her eyes as she tried to get his attention. By the expression on her face, it obviously wasn’t the first time either. “You really aren’t with us tonight…” Her face took on an expression of concern, “Do you not feel well?”

Chakotay looked at her and smiled gently, his dimples only partially visible. “I’m fine Kathryn, just distracted tonight.”

Kathryn still looked concerned but then turned on one of her most brilliant smiles, “Chakotay, I’ve been trying to introduce you to Padraig O’Donnell.” She indicated the man standing next to her seat.

The fellow held out his hand, with a rakish grin and a twinkle in his deep blue eyes. “Katie here’s been telling me you’re an anthropologist,” Chakotay nodded as he shook Padraig’s hand. The man’s deep brogue reminding him of the holoprogram his Katie used to play in and the character she used to play with. Chakotay had to fight back a growl at the thought of this Kathryn doing the same. “Then we have a bit in common, I’m the Head of the Anthropology Department for the University of Dublin. Though I prefer to get out from behind my desk and do the archeology field work myself.”

Chakotay nodded, “Since I’ve taken my post, the University has been more interested in having me finish work based on our discoveries in the Delta Quadrant, rather then letting me grub around in the dirt here on Earth.” He noticed Kathryn looking at him with a rather startled expression. He met her gaze and smiled reassuringly, not understanding what had startled her. She smiled back softly then turned her attention to the captain of the ship. “Padraig, how long have you known Kathryn?”

“The lass,” Padraig smiled, “We used to get into mischief together during the summer, when her father came to Dublin every year for some conference or another. It was a challenge to try to get her to give in and raise a little hell, when she was worried about upsetting her father. I think Admiral Janeway was happy to see her cut loose and act like a normal teenager occasionally.” He smiled in remembrance, “And call me Paddy, everyone does… Padraig is just too damn formal for a rogue like me.”

Chakotay nodded. This was just what Kathryn needed. Padraig was her type, if Michael was any indication, and they had a shared history, one that included good memories of her father. Besides which as much as his stomach twisted at the thought of Kathryn with another man, Chakotay had a good feeling about Padraig. “You’ll have to join us when Kathryn and I go to see the ruins.”

“If you’re sure I wouldn’t be intruding. It’d be nice to catch up with Katie… Between Justin, then Mark, then being lost in the Delta Quadrant, well we haven’t exactly had the opportunity to get each other into much trouble lately.” Padraig looked at Kathryn and smiled fondly.

“Kathryn and I are just friends,” Chakotay said firmly. So firmly, he wondered if he wasn’t trying to convince himself as well as Paddy.

‘If you say so,’ Paddy thought as he smiled enigmatically, his blue eyes twinkling. He wasn’t blind and he wasn’t stupid. Katie Janeway had caught herself another one, even if he didn’t realize it yet. He shook his head and wondered just how much help he’d have to render this time.

********************************

At first, it had been fun, three friends taking in the sites and ruins together. Shopping, eating and otherwise enjoying each other’s companionship. That was how it had started anyway. Now, Kathryn sat alone sketching the ruins of Chichen Itza trying to focus on her work instead of her annoyance at Padraig’s continual interference with her and Chakotay. If she hadn’t known better she’d have sworn that the troublemaker was interested in her.

Every private meal she intended to take with Chakotay somehow Padraig became invited to. Every outing planned for just the two of them became a threesome, whether it was as simple as a walk through the marketplace of some small village or a night dancing at one of the ship’s many nightclubs. To make matters worse, Padraig seemed to be purposefully going out of his way to monopolize her time. She could count on one hand the number of times she’d been able to dance with Chakotay or share a private meal, since running into Padraig. Her pencil found her mouth, and she started to chew the eraser in frustration. She was beginning to think Chakotay was trying to set her up with Padraig. She didn’t know whether to laugh, scream or cry at that thought, so instead focused harder on her sketch.

What she really wanted to do was call a halt to it. Tell Padraig to find someone else to harass, but Chakotay seemed to be enjoying his company and didn’t seem at all disturbed by Padraig’s seeming advances towards her. Kathryn choked back a sob at that thought and again refocused on her sketch of the ruined Mayan City. Since her frustration on this vacation had started to grow, Kathryn had decided to take solace in sketching, one of her methods from Voyager to relax. She had replicated a sketchpad and pencils, more modern than what she had used in her DaVinci program but they worked as well for her, and had been sketching the ruins of the temples, cities and monuments by day. Then at night when she was driven from her bed by her frustrations, she would turn again to the sketchpad. Working from the sketch of the ruins, with her imagination and knowledge of engineering she would recreate the building as she saw it in her mind’s eye, as it would have been centuries ago. She thought they were passably good, but as she had no real knowledge of the cultures, save what she had gleaned from Chakotay and Padraig, she did not intend to share the sketches with either of the men.

For what seemed like the hundredth time today, she fought back the urge to call out for Q. Kathryn schooled her emotions and tried to focus, but found herself wishing for the reassurances of the older Kathryn. She had to laugh at herself. Another safety net. This one a version of herself that got her relationship with Chakotay right the first time. ‘Get a grip, Kathryn, don’t give that omnipotent bastard the satisfaction of you needing him.’ She scolded herself mentally, ‘If you needed them, they’d be here. So it’s a good sign that they aren’t here. You’re not screwing it up this time. She wouldn’t forget about you. You’re her newest reclamation project.’ Kathryn found herself laughing and shaking her head. Only her life could come up with such a humiliating paradox. ‘Well Kathryn,’ her mental voice was lighter than her mood, ‘if the universe wanted to be really cruel you’d be Phoebe’s reclamation project right now.’

Her pencil moved lightly against the paper as she banished her unruly thoughts to the background and continued with her sketch. There wasn’t much time left before Chakotay and Padraig returned so they could go back to the cruise ship and she was determined to finish before then. Time seemed to pass quicker as she focused on the detail of the ruins, making smaller sketches with more detail of a specific area or carving to the side of the main sketch. Kathryn winced as she tried to look up and felt the knot in the muscle pull painfully. Strong hands, warm against her skin, gently started to work away the tension. Kathryn sighed and leaned into the massage, smiling as she enjoyed his touch. “That feels wonderful, Chakotay.”

“How did you know it was me?” Chakotay asked gently.

Kathryn could feel her muscles relaxing under his talented fingers. “There is no one who gives a massage the way you do, Chakotay.”

“That’s what my…” Chakotay started.

Kathryn finished, “…Mother used to say. Yes, I know.” She bent her head back to look at him and winced again. “New Earth,” she managed by way of explanation before Chakotay shook his head and tilted her head back down so her chin was touching her chest and she sighed again deeply as his hands worked out the kinks in her neck.

The knots in her neck were quickly releasing, but Chakotay was reluctant to give up the guilty pleasure of kneading her silken skin. As resolved, as he was that Padraig and Kathryn should be together, he had still not managed to push his feelings for her aside. ‘I will dance at your wedding, Kathryn.’ He promised silently, knowing that Padraig would give her unconditional love, sure and strong in his feelings. For Chakotay, his emotions in Kathryn’s regard were still too uncertain as far as he was concerned. Were they born from guilt over his own Katie, or from his usurping the other Chakotay’s place in her life?

He cursed Q again, certain that all of this was his fault. That somehow the omnipotent troublemaker had convinced the other Kathryn that the switch would be for the best, so she would help him with the very best of intentions. ‘The road to hell…’ his mind supplied unbidden. However it had come about, he didn’t regret knowing this Kathryn and learning what he had missed in his life with Katie. He only regretted that he had stolen her chance to be with her true love, with the other Chakotay. Now he would pay the price for his part in the misdeed, disregard his own feelings and do what was best for Kathryn. ‘I wonder where the hell Paddy has gotten off to.’ No sooner had the thought finished, and then Padraig stepped into view.

Padraig had been watching them from the side of the ruins, not specifically hiding, but confidant that he could observe them from here without Kathryn or Chakotay noticing. A smile crossed Padraig’s face as Chakotay slipped behind Kathryn and the darker man’s face took on a look of contentment from simply helping to ease away her pain. They were so natural and so right together. Kathryn had never been like this with Mark or Justin, never mind Cheb. Cheb had been lucky that he was on the other side of the Atlantic from Paddy O’Donnell, otherwise he’d have been minus several teeth and needing serious medical attention. Which brought to mind that Chakotay had not only not called him out, but also seemed to be encouraging his attentions towards Kathryn. ‘The boy has to be bloody daft,’ Padraig shook his head, ‘I’ll just have to be pushing him harder. We’ll see if we can’t get the ruddy git jealous yet, Katie m’girl.’

Katie. Now she would be the next hurdle to jump and she wasn’t easy to fool. He had no doubt that the redheaded spitfire would call him on the carpet for his behavior very soon, and he had to be prepared to deny everything and mollify her. The trick of the matter would be either convincing her or, if that wasn’t possible, making her either too amused or too uncomfortable to deal with it. Luckily for him, Katie Janeway hadn’t changed enough for Paddy O’Donnell not to know all of the right buttons to push. “Katie luv, did you have fun while Chakotay and I were off traipsing through the jungle.” Paddy smiled as he approached, being sure to give Kathryn a lecherous grin.

Kathryn rolled her eyes, “Paddy O’Donnell behave.” She glared at him reproachfully. “Yes, I enjoyed what I was doing.”

“And what, precisely, pray tell was that?” Paddy swooped in and snatched the sketchpad out of Kathryn’s hands. Chakotay would have taken offense with the Irishman’s behavior, but after having watched the two together he realized that this was how Paddy and Kathryn related to each other. Kathryn growled and started to go after Paddy, who moved swiftly away from her. Paddy flipped open the pad and stopped cold, and then turned the page. Kathryn stopped, looking upset and defensive. “My god, Kathryn. These are incredible.”

Kathryn watched as Chakotay moved to Paddy’s side and looked as well. “The details in these are perfect.” Chakotay pointed at something in the sketch while Paddy nodded enthusiastically. “Why didn’t you show us, Kathryn?”

Kathryn lost some of her defensiveness and took a couple of hesitant steps towards them, then composed herself and approached completely. “I’m not an expert Chakotay. I was just doing them for myself. To relax. I didn’t really want to hear everything I got wrong.” Chakotay smiled at her disarmingly and she smiled back. “Are they all right?”

Paddy interrupted, “Faith Kathryn, they’re better than all right. You and your bloody not being able to stand being wrong. Someone should turn you over their knee.”

“You and whose army, O’Donnell?” Kathryn’s hands were planted on her hips as she glared at him.

Paddy grinned impetuously, “What makes you think I was the someone I was referring to?” Kathryn blushed slightly and shook her head at him. Paddy continued, “This settles it though. You my dear, have to agree to come along as part of the dig of the Pre-Brethonic village site that I’m heading. I’d love to see your impressions of how the village would have looked.” As Kathryn started to protest, Paddy cut her off again. “Besides it will mean you and Chakotay can work together again since he already agreed to join up.” Paddy fought back a grin as he noted Chakotay’s desperate but almost imperceptible shake of his head as he spoke.

Kathryn’s eyes widened at Paddy’s words in shock that Chakotay had decided to go away on a dig and hadn’t let her know, and then they narrowed as they focused on Chakotay. Her feelings threatened to overwhelm her. Defeat, betrayal, anger, and longing warred inside her for control. Using the control she had honed to a fine edge on Voyager she pushed them all back and without another word she retrieved her sketchpad and marched resolutely towards the all-terrain vehicle they had used to get out to the ruin site.

Chakotay watched her go, his heart breaking. He had watched the emotions play over her face as she had realized that he had been planning on taking on a project far from San Francisco and her. Phoebe’s words replayed in his mind, and he wondered if he had pushed hard enough to make her go. He shook his head at the Irishman, giving him a look that would have frozen Tom Paris in his tracks. Paddy just grinned and shrugged irreverently. Of course, Paddy had complicated matters. Not that becoming part of Paddy’s team was a fool proof way of setting Kathryn free, since he hoped she and Paddy would become involved with one another. However to go further away, like the Bajoran dig he’d been offered, seemed too painful to contemplate. He pushed away his doubts as he walked towards the ground vehicle after Kathryn, he would see this through, make certain she was happy and then he would move on. Find somewhere where he might find peace once again.

Padraig watched the pair as they moved back towards the transport. He shook his head in wonder. Just who did either of them think they were fooling? With they way they were acting, the odds were even on whether they’d kill each other or shag the other senseless and if they’d acted like this on Voyager, Paddy had to wonder who’d been running the betting pools. What he couldn’t figure out was why Chakotay hadn’t yet challenged him to fight for ‘his Kathryn’. It was obvious to everyone around them that the big man loved Katie, was it really possible that Chakotay didn’t understand his own feelings. He’d expect that from Kathryn, but amazingly enough she seemed quite aware that she was in love with her former first officer. No Chakotay was definitely the stumbling block in this situation. ‘Ah well, push hard enough and eventually something is bound to give.’ Paddy grinned once more and followed the others to the ATV.

On the trip back to the docks, both Chakotay and Kathryn were disturbingly quiet, him pretending to concentrate completely on navigating the rough road and her doodling idly in her sketchpad. Padraig filled the silence with chatter, not seeming to care whether either of them answered him or not. ‘Alright then,’ he thought to himself, ‘let ‘em stew. If they get themselves worked up enough, it’ll make my job easier.’

They arrived back at the ship without incident, and went their separate ways but only after Paddy had somehow convinced them both to come out dancing with him that night. Kathryn went back to her cabin, wishing the door were a type she could slam. “Damn him… damn, damn, damn.” She ranted to no one in particular, “How dare he? How dare either of them… Paddy should have told me sooner that he’d invited Chakotay to come on the dig and Chakotay…” her voice trails of into a non-verbal sound of frustration. “Why the hell should I come on the dig now… It’s obvious that Chakotay was trying to get away from me. I’m surprised he hasn’t accepted a project in the Gamma quadrant.” She collapses bonelessly on the couch, her hands covering her face to hide the tears that are falling freely.

Kathryn prime appeared in front of the couch, “When you love something set it free…” Kathryn alpha looked up shocked. Kathryn prime moved to sit beside her alternate, setting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

The tears from Kathryn alpha’s eyes fell harder now and she crumpled against her alternate. Kathryn prime wrapped her arms around her younger self and stroked her hair. “Do you think that’s what I should do now? Set him free…” She looked up at Kathryn prime with such a lost expression on her face that it nearly broke the Admiral’s heart.

“Not necessarily… Do you think that might be what he’s trying to do for you?” Kathryn prime answered her voice soft and soothing.

Kathryn alpha’s eyes widened considering all the implications as she pulled away from the Admiral. “So do I go to him and let him know I don’t want to be set free? I’ve already lost hope for some of my dreams, I don’t want to loose him too.”

“What do you mean?” Kathryn prime’s brow furrowed as she looked at her alternate trying to mentally calculate dates.

Kathryn alpha sighed and looked away for a moment, “I’m going into menopause. I saw the doctor just before my mother’s birthday. If I was to start trying now, I might be able to have a baby. I can’t ask that of Chakotay now, and I don’t want another man’s child. So I learn to go on.”

There were no words to comfort her alternate; Kathryn prime knew they would all seem hollow. Instead, she just sat comforting her younger self until she seemed ready to move on. “I don’t think you should go to Chakotay about your relationship.” Kathryn prime considered for a few moments, “He knows how you feel by now. Whatever the problem is, it’s his and he needs to come to terms with it. It’s time for you to pull back some Kathryn.”

Kathryn alpha shook her head; the Admiral’s words drawing her attention back to the problems at hand. “Pulling back is what got me in trouble the first time. I…”

“Whatever happens now, he has to come to terms with what he’s feeling or what he’s not. You can’t do anymore.” Kathryn prime couldn’t pull the blow of her next sentence, “He either loves you as you love him now or he doesn’t.” Kathryn alpha’s face-hardened some at the words, but she nodded. “Now you live, Kathryn. Embrace each day. He was going to go on without you, well now you show him what he’ll be missing if he does.” Kathryn prime’s eyes sparkled with mischief as she grinned wryly.

“Man chase woman…” Kathryn alpha’s eyes began to glitter as well.

“Until she catch him,” the Admiral finished her sentence for her. “Exactly… Now it’s Chakotay’s turn to chase.”

*****************

Chakotay and Padraig were leaning against the bar chatting when they noticed several other men looking towards the door and some half whispered comments about the woman who just entered. Paddy grinned and elbowed Chakotay, trying to get his companion to look with him. Chakotay shook his head and turned back towards the bar, contemplating his drink intensely. Paddy shook his head, ‘You’re in love you idiot, not dead.’ He thought to himself as he maneuvered to get a better look. He didn’t have to maneuver much because the lady in question was coming towards them. “For the love of Christ.” Paddy swore as he watched Kathryn coming toward them.

At Padraig’s voice, Chakotay’s head came up and took in Kathryn’s appearance. The silk swirled about her legs as she walked, the skirt full yet staying close to her body as she moved. The bodice of the dress hugged her body like a second skin, as though slick black oil covered her torso, starting just above her hips, covering her entire front, and encircling her neck in a choker style collar. Only her arms appeared to be bare to her erstwhile companions, until another gentleman tapped her shoulder and she spun to talk to him. Her skirt to billowed outwards, rising above it’s knee length and leaving the expanse of creamy white flesh left exposed by the back less ensemble visible to Chakotay, Padraig and the other patrons of the club in their direction. Chakotay was left to catch his breath when Kathryn turned to nod at them, the light catching the silk and causing a shimmer of what appeared to be blue fire in the material, a fire that reflected in her eyes. Taking the fellow’s hand, she followed him onto the dance floor.

Paddy shook his head in delight. Seemed Kathryn had learned somewhere along the line to use her command presence for more than just commanding a starship, because currently she was in command of the club and every man in it, much to the frustration of their partners. He looked over at Chakotay, who seemed caught somewhere between shock and protectiveness, as Kathryn moved slightly too close to her dance partner and swayed sensuously to the music loosing herself in the rhythm of the music. Padraig smiled as he watched Chakotay’s face run through a gamut of expressions in a few seconds, the sight of Kathryn in another man’s arms, her titan hair full and loose, like a barely controlled lion’s mane driving her former first officer to distraction. For his part, Padraig could tell that while she was physically on the dance floor, her mind and soul were elsewhere dancing a different dance. One that included the man standing beside him who shot back his drink, as his eyes drilled into Kathryn’s dance partner.

Kathryn could tell by Chakotay’s expression that her actions were having an effect, whether he wanted to admit it or not. Smiling, she thanked her current dance partner for the dance and was about to leave the floor when another man approached her and asked her for a dance. Her first instinct was to decline, but instead she nodded slightly, and followed the fellow out onto the dance floor. Kathryn found herself lost in the music, a steady stream of different partners vying for her attention. She had so long been the Starship Captain and then trying to change this Chakotay’s view of her that she had almost forgotten how good it felt to be sought after as a woman. The events with Jaffen seemed almost to dream-like, lost in the fog of forced false memories, where as here tonight, each man looking at her with barely hidden want was very real. For the moment, as she moved on to yet another dance partner, she was a beautiful woman, who was desired by every man in the room, even if she only had eyes for one of them.

Finally, she extricated herself from the grips of her last partner as the music slowed, her body language warning off her other suitors as she moved to the bar where Chakotay and Paddy were situated. “You looked like you were having fun, Katie.” Paddy grinned.

“Definitely,” Kathryn grinned at Paddy and ignored Chakotay, “And the night’s just begun.”

Chakotay felt a sudden rush of adrenaline and a clenching of his stomach as he fought back the urge to throttle Padraig and any other man whom Kathryn looked at. Pushing this back and sticking to his resolve, “Would you like a drink, Kathryn?”

“A white wine. Thank you.” Kathryn’s voice was neutral towards Chakotay, and then took on a more lively tone as she turned to Padraig. “Paddy would you like to dance?”

“Aye, I suppose I could have a go. This music is about my speed.” Paddy waggled his eyebrows at Chakotay and wrapped his arm around Kathryn’s waist pulling her close brushing the soft skin of her lower back. Chakotay nearly choked as he ordered her drink when Kathryn’s arm found its way around Paddy’s waist as the Irishman lead her onto to dance floor.

Paddy pulled Kathryn into his arms and braced himself for the barrage. “Well Katie, you do indeed clean up very nicely.”

Kathryn pulled herself close to her dance partner and hissed in his ear, “What the hell have you been playing at for the last seven days O’Donnell?” From the outside looking in it would appear that they were dancing very intimately, however Padraig knew better and had intimate knowledge of just how precariously balanced his chances of retaining his manhood were.

“What do you think I’ve been doing Katie Janeway?” Paddy asked with a grin. If you were going to hell after all, you might as well go doing a jig.

Kathryn pulled back slightly and glared at Padraig, her eyes narrowing. “If you’re playing one of your games with Chakotay and I… Don’t. There’s been enough trouble between us and I don’t need your brand of help.”

“Katie dear,” Paddy gave her a sincere look, “You know I’d never do anything to hurt you.” Kathryn looked at him gauging his sincerity. Her eyes locked with his and she seemed to acknowledge his words as the truth. “You’re really in love with that big idiot aren’t you?”

Kathryn’s eyes flashed for a moment, “He’s not an idiot.” Paddy grinned knowingly now. “And yes, I am.” Kathryn answered while looking down at her feet.

Paddy put his hand under her chin and tilted her head back up. “I knew it. Just needed to hear you say it.” Paddy pulled her close and let her rest her head against his shoulder. “You’re worse over him then you were over Justin.” Kathryn started to open her mouth to argue, “Hush, Katie… I don’t know why you Janeway women feel the need to argue even when someone is telling the god’s honest truth.” Kathryn begrudgingly stayed silent. “And what you had with Mark doesn’t even hold a candle to this does it?” He could feel Kathryn shake her head slightly against his shoulder. “Have faith, Katie. Everything will work out in the end.” Padraig stroked her hair soothingly as they continued to dance. ‘That went well… Katie distracted from castrating me and now I know for sure. Now, I’ll I have to do is get him to see how much he loves her. And so help me if I have to string you up by the short and curlies Chakotay you will figure it out.’

Chakotay watched the couple on the dance floor as they swayed to the music. He told himself he was happy for them. It did indeed seem that Kathryn was seeking out Paddy now that he had pushed her away. He turned to the bartender, ordering a whiskey and downing it in one shot. When he turned back to the dance floor, his heart pounded in his chest, the blood rushed to his brain, his nostrils flared and his hands clenched and unclenched as he took in the sight of Kathryn dancing close to Padraig, with her head nestled on his shoulder. He took an involuntary step forward before bringing himself under control.

As Kathryn and Padraig returned to the bar, Chakotay held out her glass of wine to her. Catching her eyes, his voice low and commanding, “The next dance is mine, Kathryn.”

Kathryn felt a tightening and a rush of heat in her abdomen as Chakotay spoke, his gaze holding hers. She felt like a mouse caught in the paw of a mountain lion as she looked up at him. She fought back the urge to press herself against him and melt into his arms, instead forcing a blasé, “If you like Chakotay.” She took the wine from his hand and took a sip, to brace her, then settled back on a barstool between Paddy and Chakotay.

Chakotay was working on instinct. It was as though the whiskey he’d been drinking had bludgeoned the part of his brain that had decided to let Kathryn go to Paddy. He told himself that he was working on making Padraig jealous, to get him to pursue Kathryn harder as Paddy and he exchanged jokes in a ribald competition to keep Kathryn laughing. But somewhere deep inside himself he knew that wasn’t the case. The conversation had been more than liberally laced with sexual innuendo when he finally pulled her to her feet and led her to the dance floor.

The music had a heavy Latin beat as he pulled Kathryn close, their hips moving in sync as they caught the rhythm. He twirled Kathryn out then in again, her body pressing hard against his when she returned, his arm catching her around her waist and holding her there. Their eyes met and an electrical current seemed to charge the air. She turned in his grasp, pressing her ass hard against him, her fingers running along his arm as her other arm reached up around his neck. Kathryn arched her head back against his shoulder, displaying the curve of her neck to him and allowing her hair to graze his skin.

Chakotay almost growled audibly at the feel of her pressing against him. He could feel his body responding to hers on the most basic level, when something inside of him clinging to his resolution to give her over to Padraig kicked in and he spun her out before she could feel it. As she slowly moved back towards him, fingers still knit together after the spin, their gazes locked once again. They moved together again, their bodies’ only millimeters apart. The music swelled and Kathryn spoke, her voice breathy, “Hungry Chakotay?” He could only nod in answer, the instinctual part of his brain responding to her.

She grinned playfully and pulled away from him, tugging him towards the bar and Padraig. “Then we better go find dinner.”

******************

Kathryn came back to her cabin in a conspicuously better mood than she had left it. Chakotay might deny it but he was definitely chasing her. She stretched languorously then stepped out onto her balcony, allowing the sea air to flow over her. She breathed in deeply, admiring the stars and feeling more hopeful than she had been since Chakotay had built her hot tub. A quiet chirping caught her attention and she moved inside again. She arched her eyebrow wondering who was contacting her out here. The Parises, her mother and Phoebe were the only ones she’d given her shipboard comm channel to. Her stomach tightened a bit as she wondered what could prompt them to contact her at this time of night.

When she hit the activation button, an unfamiliar Starfleet Lieutenant appeared on the screen. “Captain Janeway, ma’am.”

Kathryn’s jaw hardened, “Actually I prefer being called just Ms. Janeway at the moment, Lieutenant. I am currently on sabbatical and living a civilian life. And ma’am is only for crunch time.” Kathryn grinned reminiscently. “What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

“Actually Capt … Ms. Janeway, I am Admiral Morgan’s assistant and he’d like to make an appointment with you to discuss when you’ll be returning to active duty.” The Lieutenant looked decidedly uncomfortable.

“Well Mr.” Kathryn’s voice had taken on its command tone.

“Brooks, Cap… Ms. Janeway.” Brooks stammered slightly.

“Mr. Brooks,” Kathryn fixed the Lieutenant with a death glare, “If I return to Starfleet and I haven’t made a decision either way yet, I will let Admiral Morgan know. Until such time, I would appreciate it if he contacted me in writing and not at,” Kathryn checked her chronometer, “0200 hours. Janeway out.”

Kathryn growled under her breath disparaging the parentage of certain admirals who seemed determined to ruin the mood of a perfectly good night. She mentally shook herself and wandered to her bathroom intent on running a bath and remembering her dance with Chakotay in perfect detail.

********************

Kathryn carried another armful of clothes from her suitcase to her room’s antique wardrobe. She grinned as she put the clothes away, she had to admit she did like the setting for the dig; the Irish equivalent of the traditionalist community she had grown up in. Her room was located above the local pub, as was Chakotay’s where as Padraig was staying at his house in Dublin and beaming into the site everyday. Paddy had offered her a room at his house, but she had declined. Partially because she liked the idea of being quartered so close to Chakotay, but mostly because she liked the atmosphere of the place.

Kathryn turned back to her suitcase to find Cath busily making a nest out of her clean clothes. “Cath…” She moved quickly and scooped the big cat out of the case before she could leave a multitude of cream and orange hair on the clothes. “How did I end up with you in my room?” She held the cat up in front of her face looking intently into the yellow-green eyes before sitting down on the bed and setting the cat in her lap wincing as Cath kneaded her thighs through her slacks. “You’re supposed to be Chakotay’s pet, so how come you keep ending up at my place?” Cath purred loudly as Kathryn stroked her fur but the loud purring didn’t disguise the click of her door opening, “Oh I see. You find him a pain in the neck too, eh? I’m easier to live with. Why thank you Cath. You’re right you know he really doesn’t have many manners. He seems to have forgotten about asking for entry since we’ve left Voyager.”

“Hmmm, maybe we should rethink our custody agreement,” Chakotay grinned, “I think you’re trying to turn Cath against me.”

“Chakotay,” Kathryn teased back, “I would never do something like that.” Her voice taking on a ‘sweet and innocent’ tone.

Chakotay gave her a disbelieving look that made Kathryn laugh, “So are you joining me for supper in the main room?”

“I suppose Cath and Merlin are old enough to be left to fend for themselves.” Kathryn grinned and closed her suitcase before the cat could make herself comfortable in it once again, having been dislodged from her lap. Merlin peered up at the humans from his well worn snuggle bed, having heard his name, then seeing that neither a walk nor food were involved allowed his body to collapse into the soft surface once again.

Kathryn followed Chakotay out the door and down the stairs into the common room of the pub. Kathryn smiled at the music, the noise, and the clatter and almost found herself looking for Michael behind the bar. She froze slightly and looked at Chakotay who seemed more subdued than he had been a moment ago. She shook herself a bit. It was ridiculous to think that Chakotay would be affected by thoughts of Fair Haven and Michael. He hadn’t been interested in being involved with his Kathryn, if she had even had a Michael, so why should it bother him. Her Chakotay had encouraged her to pursue the diversion as well, though she was certain he hadn’t approved of the extreme she had taken it to, so she couldn’t see this Chakotay having done any different with his Kathryn, considering he only viewed her as a younger sibling.

Her own thoughts on Fair Haven were complicated enough. It wasn’t one of her most sterling moments and looking back now she questioned her decisions regarding Fair Haven. She had fallen in love with a hologram. In the Alpha Quadrant, she would have been pointed towards the first counselor available and would have had her holodeck privileges removed. Instead in the Delta Quadrant, with a hologram for a Doctor, and no ship’s counselor she’d been encouraged to pursue it. Albeit the circumstances in the Delta Quadrant were less than ideal, but that didn’t excuse herself in her own eyes. If she had been merely going to the holodeck for sexual release that would have been one thing, but to have fallen in love with a trick of light was quite another. As much as she admired the EMH, considering him sentient and real, he was far different than the denizens of Fair Haven. Now the thought of having a relationship with even a hologram of the Doctor’s caliber left her cold. ‘Needs must when the devil drives,’ she thought to herself, ‘the situation is far different now’ but she still couldn’t shake the feeling of disappointment in herself.

Chakotay watched as Kathryn looked to the bar, looking for … He knew instinctively who she was almost looking for and his gut clenched. This place reminded him so strongly of the Fair Haven program that Tom and Harry had created, he expected at any moment for Maggie O’Halloran to come in and push him into a chair so she could sit on his knee. Hindsight was indeed twenty-twenty, for now Chakotay could clearly see how the Kathryn from his universe had taken up with Michael strictly to be able to spend time with him while he courted the holographic wench. Of course this Kathryn’s reasons for taking up with Michael were likely as not far different from hers, but Chakotay again felt some grief for not allowing his Kathryn closer, along with a flare of irrational jealousy at Kathryn’s quick searching glance towards the bar. He pushed it aside ruthlessly. He of all people had no right to be jealous over Kathryn’s holographic dalliance, either this Kathryn’s or his own, had she survived. As they moved towards a secluded booth and sat down, Chakotay could almost see a dark mood settle over Kathryn and a faint but familiar frown on her lips. “I know that look Kathryn… You’re thinking again. You know how that gets you into trouble.” He spoke lightly, hoping to draw her out of the mood before she fell to deeply into it.

She looked up at him a lopsided grin on her lips and he could see the darkness fade a bit as her eyes sparkled, “Really Chakotay… I thought that was not thinking that got *you* into trouble.”

Chakotay broached the subject, “This place bears a striking resemblance to Sullivan’s doesn’t it?”

“Yes it does,” Kathryn looked down at the table. “The entire town reminds me of Fair Haven. If there were horses and no signs of technology at all, it’d be almost haunting.”

“I’d say it already is haunting, Kathryn.” Chakotay reached over and put his hand over hers. She looked up at him and he held her gaze. “Haunting you at least.”

Kathryn couldn’t extricate herself from his gaze, it demanded truth. “I just… The entire Fair Haven incident in hindsight seems like a very weak point in my character Chakotay. When they became aware…” Kathryn allowed her words to trail away and she finally pulled her gaze away from Chakotay’s. “The program shouldn’t have been allowed to run continuously for so long. It was addictive, another life, away from the ship. I could almost forget. Then I allowed my personal feelings to get in the way of what I should have done. Crewmembers were at risk but I wanted to save the program.”

“You were in love with Michael.” Chakotay stated, the moment of clarity causing him no small amount of pain, but there were no accusations in his tone.

Kathryn closed her eyes trying to blot out the images that ran in front of her eyes, “Yes.” A single word that conveyed so much, her guilt, her pain, her disappointment in herself.

“It’s very human, Kathryn.” Chakotay’s voice was soothing.

Kathryn’s eyes were haunted, “But if I were going to put my own feelings ahead of the crew’s needs, I would have hoped it would be for more than a hologram.” She spat out, her anger with herself very evident.

“Maybe it wasn’t for more than a hologram because a hologram was all you were willing to lose. Deep inside you knew the crew’s needs would win out so you picked your battles, you chose the battle you could afford to loose.” Chakotay squeezed her hand comfortingly.

‘I lost that anyway,’ the thought rose unbidden in her mind, but instead she vocalized. “A hologram, a trick of light. Chakotay if we had been in the Alpha Quadrant…”

“You weren’t Kathryn, if you had been there would never have been a need.” Chakotay took her chin in his hand, “And that’s the point. We’re at home now, are you still involved with Michael?”

“No I gave up Fair Haven, even before we got home.” Kathryn answered somewhat defensively at first, but as he smiled at her the meaning became clear.

Chakotay nodded still smiling. And in a moment Kathryn smiled too, her dark mood lifting. By the time the server came for their orders, they were laughing and joking once again.

************

Kathryn studied the sonographic scans of the ancient village that was buried beneath the gentle, rolling hillside. Padraig and Chakotay had shown her how to read the scans and mark out where the best areas for excavation would be. Since her duties as an artist wouldn’t be needed until much later in the dig, she was glad for the work. She walked the roughly excavated site in a grid pattern, more detailed work would start today after she had finished marking out the sites to be concentrated on with flags.

A commotion from the north towards the village caught her attention; she could see several members of the dig, trying to catch what appeared to be a white blur that was barreling towards her like a photon torpedo. She laughed a bit knowing the other researchers were worried about what the dog would do to their dig site, but also knowing that Merlin was far less likely to cause damage then Molly would have if she were here and not with her mother. Molly would have headed straight for the open ground and proceeded to try to dig her way to China. ‘Merlin is another story,’ she thought as she whistled and the white blur picked up speed, knocking Kathryn to the dirt with a thud and then trying to lick away the dust from her face and hands. Kathryn grunted with the impact, but immediately started to run her hands through Merlin’s long fur. “Momma is too old to take this kind of affection, big boy… Now how did you find me?”

“Ms. Janeway… I really must protest. A dog is not a welcome visitor on this dig site.” Kathryn rolled her eyes as Corwin; the officious official liaison from the Royal British Museum came into view, which was an odd sight from her position on the ground. He reminded her of every overly protocol sensitive diplomat, alien or otherwise that she had had to deal with.

“I do apologize, Dr. Corwin.” Kathryn caught hold of Merlin’s collar as one of the other’s brought her a length of rope. “He just found me, though I don’t quite know how. He’s never been to the dig site before. When I left my lodgings this morning, he was safely tucked away in the stables. He must have either escaped from one of the stable boys or just plain escaped.”

“Yes, well… Do see it doesn’t happen again.” Corwin growled at Kathryn, “I do realize you are friends with the dig’s director, but that won’t hold any weight if your animal destroys an artifact of value.”

Kathryn managed a civil, “I completely understand, Dr.” as Corwin walked away, followed by a whispered, “That you are an officious, small minded idiot, whom even the Vidiians wouldn’t dissect.” Directed into Merlin’s happily drooling face.

“Ms. Janeway,” the fellow who brought the rope spoke up. “I have to go back to the village anyway, would you like me to take your dog back for you?”

Kathryn looked up into the expectant tanned face of an average looking young blonde man. “Would you? It would be a huge favor. I still have to work to do.”

“Sure, you’re staying at the Pub right. So if I leave him at the stables in the back…” He looked at her questioningly.

“That would be perfect.” Kathryn graced him with one of her gentle smiles, “Just ask for Cory. He’ll take him and put him somewhere safe.” The young man nodded and turned to go. “I didn’t catch your name.” Kathryn called out behind him.

“It’s Randall, Ms. Janeway.” The fellow smiled and nodded.

Kathryn smiled back, “Thank you Randall and please call me Kathryn.” She could see him nod and lead Merlin off on his makeshift lead. She watched for a few moments as the young grad student and her dog moved further away and gradually disappeared on the other side of a rise, then turning her attention back towards the sonograms and her surveying of the site. She lost track of time as her concentration focused on the task at hand, only to be pulled out of it by a familiar voice.

“Ms. Janeway, I hear you’ve been causing trouble on the site again,” Chakotay teased, “I do realize you’re used to a certain amount of freedom in your previous position but you will have to realize that here things are far different.” His eyes twinkled as he watched her trying to control the laughter that wanted to break loose and force her face into a contrite looking expression.

“I really am sorry, sir.” Kathryn started having a harder time sounding contrite than looking it. Her laughter was just under the surface trying to break through. “But I have a bit of a problem with big, dumb animals following me where ever I go. No matter what I do to discourage them.”

Chakotay arched an eyebrow. She was baiting him but he could practically see her charming half-grin hidden beneath the surface. “Perhaps you need to work on your discouragement techniques. Last time I checked whistling at them is not a effective strategy.” He moved further into her space, his eyes locked with hers. Her breathing picked up as his proximity increased.

“Maybe I should try it with you,” Kathryn met his gaze evenly, her body angling towards his instinctively, “An empirical test to see if I whistled at you whether you’d come or go.” They stood in a silent stand off. Her tongue gently wetted her lips, which seemed to have dried out suddenly. His nostrils flared as though he was picking up her scent in the air.

“You know, I honestly don’t know how either of you got any bloody work done on that Starship of yours.” Padraig commented dryly as he approached. “Shall I send you both to your respective corners so we can get some work done?” They both stepped away from each other, the spell having been broken by Paddy’s voice. Padraig watched as Chakotay’s fists clenched slightly then released as he moved reluctantly back from Kathryn. The Irishman was grinning on the inside. Chakotay’s resolve was definitely failing. “Katie luv, the reason I’m out here checking up on you lay-a-bouts is that an Admiral Paris is on the com wanting to talk with you.”

Kathryn sighed and moved over to Padraig, giving him a kiss on the cheek, “Good day to you too, Paddy. Must be nice to be able to rouse yourself at,” she looks at the chronometer on her wrist and then back at him, “eleven am and still have a job to come to.”

“You should know Katie lass. Isn’t that a captain’s privilege as well?” Paddy teased mercilessly, but Kathryn only rolled her eyes and walked towards the main administration tent where the comm call could be patched through to her. She settled down in the padded chair of a desk set in the furthest corner of the tent, placed there specifically so there would be a certain amount of privacy when taking comm calls. Kathryn smiled at the prospect of talking to her old friend.

The one regret she had as her decision became more certain was the disappointment she knew it would be to Owen. At first he had been her mentor, a father figure that helped guide her career after her father’s untimely death. Now, after Voyager, he was more than that. A good friend, and a part of the Voyager family. She hoped that he wouldn’t feel too badly when the time came that she was ready to announce her intention to resign her commission. She activated the view screen and flashed her most winning smile at her old confidant. "Hello Owen."

"Katie... It's good to see you. How have you been doing? Still having fun playing on your leave?" Owen smiled brightly.

Kathryn grinned, "Well I’m definitely enjoying not waking up every morning and wondering what new species is going to want a piece of me.”

“Then you’re getting the relaxation you need to rejoin us here at Headquarters. There are all sorts of opportunities that are open to an officer with your command experience Katie.” Owen watched Kathryn for any sign of her normal curiosity and enthusiasm. Instead he was surprised and dismayed to see her settle back further into her chair and look downwards in an effort not to meet his gaze. Like a child who’d broken a valued possession of their parent. When she did look up her eyes contained a mixture of disappointment, anger and no small amount of remorse.

“Of all people I didn’t expect this from you Owen.” Kathryn’s voice was icy but her eyes conveyed the emotions her voice didn’t.

Owen immediately felt his stomach turn and sink. He could tell what he’d been told was true. Kathryn really was intending on leaving Starfleet. He also knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had to convince her to stay. The consequences to her otherwise were unthinkable. “Katie, I know you’ve had a hard time with this. On duty for seven years straight with no back up, no down time but you’ve always wanted to be in Starfleet. I can’t believe you’ve changed so much. It might be hard to come back to now, but accept the commission as Admiral and then stay on your leave. Everyone will be more than satisfied with that.”

“Everyone, Owen? Did you ever consider that I might not be satisfied with that?” Kathryn looked at him with a look he’d seen on Tom’s face a hundred times before. A look that accused him of not understanding, of never being able to understand. “Do you know what my dedication to duty cost me? You have the comfort of a family, a home, and a loving partner. Those seven years of adherence to protocol and regulation cost me that Owen.” Her eyes drilled into him. “Did you know my time to have children is just about up? That seven years in the Delta Quadrant cost me not only Mark, but forced me to push away the man that I fell in love with there? Earth doesn’t even feel like home anymore, Owen. I’m just trying to find out where home is.”

Owen watched Kathryn's expression, the pain, the sorrow, and fear all sitting just below the surface. He felt himself at a crossroads unable to take either path, for fear of what was waiting for him at the other end. To warn her outright would open a Pandora's box for himself and his own family, but neither could he betray her as totally as was expected of him. The look of Edward Janeway's daughter sitting there more vulnerable than he had seen her in so long made him soft. Instead of pressing his suit he backed off. "There's an old Earth saying, Katie, that home is where your heart is. I can see your heart just isn't in Starfleet anymore." The look of relief on her face made him want to smile and cry at the same time. "You do what you think is right Katie, but ... make sure you play your cards close to your vest. There are a lot of people who don't like the idea of you leaving and there could be some backlash over it."

Kathryn cocked her head to one side the relief changing to an odd look. The admiral felt an internal sigh of relief at that. Her instincts were still good; they hadn't been dulled by the months of leave. Maybe she had just enough luck to beat the odds one more time, Admiral Paris thought to himself. She looked thoughtful for a moment, nodding as though taking his warning in and digesting it, and then she nodded and looked at him once more. "Thank you, Owen. I want to tell you myself that I intend to tender my resignation from Starfleet at 0800 tomorrow morning."

As she spoke, Kathryn watched Owen's face for any kind of reaction. It was there but he tried too hard to hide it from her and it wasn't the disappointment that she'd expected. The look was more akin to fear. Owen forced a smile and spoke again. "Alright Katie, I hope to see you when you decide to rejoin us here in San Francisco and not before. Enjoy yourself and good luck." As the comm channel cut, Kathryn leaned back in her seat, and considered this morning's conversation. Originally she hadn't intended to resign so soon but Owen’s attitude had been odd and she had wanted to see if she could provoke more of a reaction from him than she had. Some clue as to what was going on. She knew there was a hidden warning amongst his words but for the life of her couldn't see what Starfleet could do to hurt her. The Maquis had been pardoned; none of the rest of her family was in Fleet for them to take petty revenge on by denying promotions to them. Shivering at the thought that Starfleet had changed so much from the organization she had joined so long ago, she pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes for a moment, before standing and moving towards the exit of the shelter. Never noticing the shadow that moved off the wall a moment after she was through the door.

=/\=

The pub was filled with music and laughter as Paddy and Chakotay claimed their usual table at the back of the common room and the waitress brought back a pitcher of stout and two large mugs. They sat companionably watching the activity around them, waiting for the last member of their trio to join them. Kathryn had been behaving oddly distant all day since the call from Admiral Paris. Her behaviour more akin to what his Kathryn had displayed towards the end of their voyage, how this Kathryn had been just after her Chakotay and he had swapped leaving Chakotay with the uncomfortable feeling that she was trying to find a way to tell them that she was leaving to return to Starfleet. Though he had been the one to encourage her not to tender her resignation so quickly, now he found himself dreading the news that she would be leaving them for deep space once more. Where he wouldn't be to protect her.

Chakotay shook his head as though to clear that thought from his mind. He still wasn't sure what he felt or even if he could offer Kathryn the depth of feeling she deserved, but he'd found it harder and harder to carry through with his plan to walk away and leave her in Padraig's arms. If he'd been serious about giving her up he'd have left them to it ages ago, but every time he'd try to walk away a single look or smile from his best friend called him back. He took a long drink from his mug then peered into its black depths trying to fathom his own conflicted mind.

Taking another pull from his mug, Padraig watched his dark friend from the corner of his eye. Chakotay was so close to taking the bait Paddy could taste it, and then darling Katie would be happy at last. The call from the bloke at fleet headquarters had pushed everything to a head of that he was certain, he thought as he set the mug down on the ale stained oak table then he gave a nod heaven wards to old Edward Janeway who was no doubt watching over his eldest girl and helping by giving his old friend a push to do whatever had happened this morning. Without a doubt, Paddy was certain he'd be dancing at the first Janeway marriage since Phoebe had married that wretch of a professor three years ago. With another swig of his beer he wondered if he'd go to heaven or hell for pushing another poor lost soul into the clutches of the she-demons the Janeway women were. Either way it was worth the effort to see Katie smile that way again.

The object of both their thoughts appeared moments later as though summoned by their thinking. She was smiling again and the radiance of her appearance pushed away Chakotay's dismal thoughts. Kathryn settled into a chair, her body language and expression much lighter than it had been since speaking to Admiral Paris earlier in the day. Her mischievous grin lit the room more than the low light favored in the small establishment, as she eyed her companions. "So which one of you two gentlemen are going to buy me a drink to celebrate?"

Both Paddy and Chakotay looked at each other, somewhat puzzled as to what they would be celebrating with her. Kathryn rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically, as she signaled for one of the barmaids with a wave of her hand. "Alright, so maybe gentlemen was the wrong appellation for you two." She teased mercilessly.

Finally, Chakotay having much more experience with risking life and limb to try to fathom her in one of her mysterious moods spoke up. "Maybe we'd be more willing to buy if we knew what the occasion is..." He allowed his voice to trail off, wondering if allowing her appearance to lighten his mood had not been such a good idea and that perhaps his worst fears of Kathryn returning to space were being realized.

"The occasion of my resignation from Starfleet." Kathryn accepted her red ale from the waitress, preferring a lighter beer to the black and tan that the men liked to imbibe. She raised her glass in toast. "I will no longer be wearing black, red and gray in any combination ever again. I'm certain I can come up with far more flattering color combinations for my complexion."

"Here, here..." Paddy raised his glass with more than a certain amount of relief coloring his reaction. Sooner or later the horseshoe that Katie had stuck up her rear was bound to run out of luck. No matter how Irish the lass was, and he'd already seen one to many Janeways, namely Katie's father, sacrificed on the alter to that particular organization. It only took him a moment, but soon he realized that their dark friend wasn't lifting his glass at all. In fact, one look at his face told him a storm of trouble was brewing.

Chakotay knew it wasn't rational. One moment he'd been scared to death that Kathryn was going back out to space, now here he was. Close to loosing it because not only was she not going back out to space but also she was retiring from the organization most likely to try to send her there. Unfortunately the portion of Chakotay's brain that was telling him it wasn't rational also wasn't in charge of his mouth at the moment. "I thought we had discussed this Kathryn. This isn't a decision you should be making on the spur of the moment because of something Admiral Paris said or did that made you angry. You have always been Starfleet and I don't want to see you regretting this in a few years." He kept his voice ironically even though his eyes betrayed his anger.

Kathryn's glass had been raised to her lips when Chakotay started to speak, now the thick glass vessel slowly lowered to the table, the red liquid sloshing slightly inside of it's containment. The air was thick and electric, as another storm started to brew in Janeway's eyes. "I seem to remember having that conversation over a year ago Chakotay. I would think that that is sufficient time to 'think things through'. Just because my conversation with Admiral Paris put a period on my contemplation doesn't mean my decision was irrational and spur of the moment."

Chakotay's met her hard steel gaze with one of his own. "Since we'd never discussed anything about it, I assumed you hadn't made any plans one way or another. I would have thought this is the sort of decision you would have used me as a sounding board for."

There was no movement from Kathryn as she watched him from across the table. "At this point Chakotay me including you in the major decisions in my life is a courtesy, not an obligation. This wasn't one I cared to share."

Chakotay felt his stomach twist as she spoke of obligation and courtesy. The rational part of his brain was reasoning that she was absolutely correct. It was his decision not to proceed further with their relationship, to push her into the arms of Paddy, to not accept the love he'd seen so often in her stormy eyes. Yet this only served to enflame his anger further not to bring him back down to more rational thought. Kathryn's voice continued strong and fluid, clearly displaying how much thought she'd put into her decision. "As far as regretting leaving Starfleet, well I've been living as a civilian for the past year and a bit and I have no regrets. As much as everyone has this preconceived notion that Kathryn Janeway will not be happy anywhere but in the center seat, let me clear that notion for you, Chakotay. I am enjoying not being responsible for anyone but myself. Not having to consider one hundred and forty seven other people in every decision I make in my personal life. Not having to govern my urges by a set of rules and regulations that have made me miss living the last decade of my life. I have been on duty for sixty one thousand three hundred and twenty hours, with no back up, no proper shore leave and no life but duty. I have dealt with enough temporal anomalies, spatial anomalies and alien anomalies to make Jean Luc Picard loose the rest of his hair." The stress in her voice was very apparent. "I even stopped being curious about the anomalies. No more exploration. Unless a phenomenon had something to offer Voyager, I didn't look. I stopped being me. The captain wouldn't even allow the scientist to live in concert with her. There just wasn't room for it. As Tom would say, the buck stopped with me. Now it can just pass me by." She closed her eyes and took a sip of her beer. "I'm tired of letting life pass me by. It stops now."

Padraig watched as the twisted little scene played out. Kathryn telling Chakotay that she was ready to take life by the horns and hang on for dear life. Chakotay instead of being thrilled, as he should have been, becoming more and more enraged by the minute. It seemed surreal and almost, in a very sad way, comedic. Slowly Chakotay rose from his chair and finished his mug in one long pull. "I think I need some fresh air." Both Kathryn and Paddy watched as Chakotay moved through the crowds, towards the exit and disappeared out the door.

Silence continued to reign at their table even though the din around them intruded on their solitude. Kathryn sedately finished her beer then slowly started to stand. Paddy shook his head, "Katie sit." She turned a baleful eye on the Irishman before her. "I know it's not your usual mode of operation to follow orders, but give it a try for me just this once."

With grudging slowness, Kathryn settled back into her seat and looked across the table at her remaining companion. "He's a damned fool Katie, but do you understand why he reacted like that?"

"Because he wants me to stay in Fleet. Because he has some insane preconceived notion of who I am and who I want to be?" Kathryn's voice was an icy monotone and her eyes were like the sea on a stormy day as she watched Paddy.

Padraig took another sip of his beer, in order to allow Kathryn to finish her tirade. "Because he loves you, Katie." Paddy took another sip of his drink and closed his eyes as he spoke this time. "He's terrified that you're going to up and leave him. He's horrified at the idea that you might wake up one day and resent him for taking Starfleet from you." Paddy opened his eyes to see the tears forming in the beautiful woman's eyes. "He's confused too, Katie. He'd convinced himself he didn't love you. Probably to protect your precious protocol. Now he's finding out how wrong he's been and it's shaking him to his core."

"What do I do Paddy?" Kathryn was struggling to reign in the tears. She was honestly at a loss. Kathryn Janeway of the Alpha Thread was good at command decisions but at handling her own personal life she had never excelled.

Paddy shrugged slightly. "You wait." He looked at Kathryn with sympathetic eyes. "Mark my words, Katie. Don't give up yet. He's almost got it figured out. It won't be long now."

A shiver went up her spine as Padraig's words almost echoed her other self's. Aside from his assumption about why Chakotay had never admitted that he to himself that he loved Kathryn, everything rang eerily true. As she thought about it, even Paddy's logic about why this Chakotay didn't allow himself to love his Kathryn seemed accurate. Since her alternate there had not tried to hold back, yet this Chakotay had seen the protocols as necessary, it had turned to him to enforce them. She cast a prayer to the wind, as she had seen her original Chakotay do on occasion at the beginning of their journey, for her other alternate who had given her life to get the Chakotay who was with her now home. She smiled sadly, it had been some time since her thoughts had turned to the man she turned away. 'I hope you are happy now, Chakotay. I'm sorry I didn't give you my love and I know I don't really deserve this chance to put things right, but if he gives me the chance I will make him happy.'

Padraig watched Kathryn thinking her private thoughts and shook his head gently. "If you'll excuse me, Katie, I am off home to Dublin." He stood up and Kathryn stood up with him, and then leaned in giving him a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, Paddy."

Padraig smiled again. "No thanks are necessary as long as you are happy Katie luv." He parted from her and headed out into the night.

Kathryn sat silently for a few more minutes before heading up to her room. Her mind was still focused on Chakotay's reaction and the possible meanings of it when she opened her door. So pre-occupied that she didn't notice the conspicuous absence of Merlin's normally boisterous greeting. As she moved into the darkness of her room, senses honed over seven years of almost constant danger alerted her to an unwelcome presence. Instead of allowing herself to react immediately she continued to move deeper into the room, not allowing her unknown watcher to become aware that she was aware of him. Her senses became keener as her heart raced, she hoped it was Chakotay, but with the odd warning that Admiral Paris had given her earlier she was taking no chances. Finally a strange creak of a floorboard broke the détente and Kathryn spun towards the noise. The dark shadow stepped forward and Kathryn’s eyes widened as she recognized the intruder, and she lashed out with all the skill Starfleet had taught her. Her foot flew up in a roundhouse style kick, only to be caught in mid swing, toppling her to the floor. As she crashed to the floor boards, all the air rushed out of her lungs in a tortured wheeze and she felt someone kneel behind her and press a hypospray to her neck, just before the world faded to black.

=/\=

Chakotay had found another bar. In actuality he had had himself beamed to Dublin where he had walked until he found a particularly dive like pub and had joined the other patrons holding up the bar. He stood there drinking the watered down swill and staring blankly into the mirror behind the bar until a gentle tap on his shoulder roused him from his contemplation.

“You’re a new one in these parts,” a lilting feminine brogue tinkled in his ears as he turned around to look at who was speaking to him. Dancing green eyes, almost cat-like in intensity gazed into his. Slender fingers gently traced one of his arms down the bicep. “My name is Deirdre,” she purred as she took the seat beside him and bent to display the ample charms of her rounded chest. “What’s yours?”

He heard himself answer, “Chakotay” almost automatically as he watched the woman toss her golden mane over her shoulders and fidget in her chair for his benefit, making the red dress pull tighter against her well formed body. This was the type of woman that had always captured his attention in the past.

Chakotay watched her as she moved and was stunned that he felt absolutely… nothing. His mind seemed to be observing her almost analytically. Her golden mane was nothing compared to the sun kissed copper that he wished to be nuzzling. The green eyes, while exotic carried none of the expression that a pair of stormy blue ones did. The statuesque body with its lush curves was pleasant enough to look at, but he longed to hold a tiny, lithe body with an abundance of freckles dotting its surface. Absently he knew the blonde was talking to him, but his mind was too busy whirring over the characteristics he was longing for. As he listened, the lilting brogue seemed to transform itself in his mind to be a throaty growl of a voice and comprehension dawned.

Kathryn.

It was her that he was longing for. Kathryn that made his days and nights seem full. Made his heart full. Made him complete. He stood so suddenly that the blonde was shocked into silence as Chakotay pushed his credit chit towards the bartender, who debited it then pushed it back to him. Snatching it back as quickly as it was offered, Chakotay pelted from the bar, heading towards the nearest transport station he could find.

“I need a transport back to O’Shaunassey Station.” Chakotay’s words tumbled out of his mouth almost at warp speed.

The transporter technician looked dubious. “It’s not a good idea, sir. We’ve been having problems with the transporter network since about twenty minutes ago.”

Clenching his fist and closing his eyes, Chakotay allowed himself a low growl of dissatisfaction before turning a feral gaze on the transporter chief. “I understand, Chief… But I need to be at O’Shaunassey Station now.” His voice automatically reverted to the command tones he’d perfected on Voyager. A tone that seemed to make most non-commissioned officers obey without question. The transporter chief was no exception.

“Aye sir. If I can make this thing behave, you’ll be there.” The transporter officer’s fingers danced over the keypad. Then he shook his head. “You must have the luck of the Irish, sir. I have power and the network seems to be behaving at the moment.”

Chakotay nodded and stepped up onto the platform. “Then do it now before we loose it again.”

“Aye sir,” The young officer ran his fingers over the controls and energized. Chakotay reappeared at O’Shaunassey Station and pelted off the transporter pad leaving a somewhat stunned operator in his wake, checking his readouts. Within nanoseconds of the transport being complete, the network had once again gone off line. The O’Shaunassey Station operator shook his head at the gentleman’s luck.

=/\=

Chakotay was running at his top speed back towards the Inn where he and Kathryn had their rooms. Now that he understood what his feelings were, there was no way he was wasting any more time in telling her. If he were lucky, she’d forgive him for his attitude immediately. If he weren’t, then the extra time would be spent mending fences between them. Just as these thoughts were clearing his mind he found himself at the back stairs to the Inn and took the steps two at a time, fumbling with his keys, but eventually letting himself into the common hall he shared with Kathryn. He knocked on her door, and then stood outside it shifting nervously from foot to foot. When she didn’t answer, he knocked again. “Kathryn… It’s me Chakotay. I need to… That is… Kathryn can you let me in so we can talk.”

He waited for a few moments more, before putting his ear to the door and listening. After a moment he determined there was no one in Kathryn’s rooms. Or if there were they we being almost preternaturally quiet. Chakotay’s stomach twisted for a moment; worried about where she could have gone in the state she was in. He tried to calm himself by reminding himself she was likely with Paddy. However comforting that thought was, it brought with it a new set of worries. Chakotay tried pushing them aside as he opened the door to his own rooms, hoping to at least send Kathryn a message. A crunch brought him out of his thoughts, the sound of paper under his boot. An old fashioned envelope with his name written across it in old style long hand cursive. Long hand that he had seen before. A lump started in his throat and only got larger as he opened the envelope and started to read.

“Chakotay,  
I’ve finally gotten what you’ve been trying to show me since we met Padraig on the cruise. He stands by me and supports me without question. He trusts my decisions and doesn’t try to treat me like a child.  
I’ve finally given into the feelings I’ve been having for some time now. Each time he teases me, or encourages me. He’s given me the courage to move forward. To stop clinging to relationships that just weren’t meant to be.  
I hope you find happiness Chakotay.

Your friend forever,  
Kathryn”

Eyes clenched shut, the paper crumpled in his strong grip. This wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right. Not just as he realized how much he needed her, wanted her. He had supported her, trusted her and now he realized even loved her, and the times he questioned her was for good reason. His eyes snapped open and he dropped the offending paper on the floor. At the least he had to tell her what he felt. If she still wanted to be with Paddy after that, he would have made his bed and he’d lie in it. But not without a fight.

=/\=

It wasn’t more than thirty minutes later, when the transporter chief at O’Shaunassey Station was once again confronted by the racing form of the same gentleman. “I need to go back to Dublin… Now.”

The chief shook his head, “You’d be straining yer luck you would. The system went down again right after you got off sir. I can’t put another transport through.”

“Straining my luck or not… I have to.” Chakotay looked at the man with desperate eyes, “My entire future depends on it.”

The Irishman grinned, “It’s a woman then?” He looked over his controls then nodded. “All right, get on the padd and we’ll see if the horseshoe you have shoved up yer ass still has any luck left in it.” Chakotay nodded, barely hearing anything but the transporter chief’s agreement to try. “You realize if your luck doesn’t hold, you’re going to be molecules spreading around the universe?”

These words finally registered with Chakotay, “If I don’t get to Dublin, then being spread across the universe as my constituent atoms will save me a lot of pain.”

“I always was a romantic sot.” The transporter chief started working the controls then looked up with a grin, “Well the faeries must be with you tonight. Energizing.”

The blue glow of the transporter beam engulfed Chakotay and deposited him back in the same transporter station as before. This time it was the Dublin chief’s turn to watch the same gentleman go pelting past at a dead run. He shook his head and muttered derogatorily about officers.

=/\=

Paddy grinned as he flicked off his terminal. “I knew you had it in you, Katie luv. You and that first officer of yours will have a lovely life together no doubt.” He stood and moved to the hall closet. “And I am starting the group celebrations without ye all.” He pulled out his jacket and was about to slip it on, when a hammering sound pulled his attention away. “Alright, alright… What in the name of…” As he pulled open the door, Chakotay pressed his way into the house.

“Where is she?” Chakotay looked at Paddy, his eyes glittering with pain and sorrow. “I know you won’t want me to talk to her, but please… I need this.”

Paddy was confused. From the look in Chakotay’s eyes, he’d have sworn that Katie hadn’t just sent him a message telling him that Chakotay had come back, proposed and now they were taking a few days off to celebrate privately. In fact, if Chakotay was here that meant that she wasn’t with him. “What in the name of Finnegan’s ghost are you talking about Chakotay… If the she you’re blathering about is Katie, she’s not here.”

Taking a menacing step forward, Chakotay’s glare fixed on Paddy. “Look you don’t have to hide it. Kathryn left me a note saying she was pursuing a relationship with you.”

Brow furrowing at Chakotay’s words, the confused look didn’t clear at all and now took on a decidedly worried look as well. “That’s impossible… It’s a fake.”

“It was Kathryn’s handwriting…” Chakotay started to argue but allowed his voice to trail off as looked at Paddy confusion clouding his face now. “Impossible how?”

“Because you daft besotted fool… I’ve been playing you.” Paddy started until Chakotay took a menacing step forward.

“You mean playing her…” He growled.

The Irishman shook his head, but also had the sense to see his demise coming if he didn’t placate the big man quickly enough, “No, it’d be impossible for me to play Katie. She knew I was up to something from the get go.” He found himself pressed with his back to the wall. “After all she is my cousin.”

For a moment nothing changed, Paddy was pressed to the wall waiting to die at the hands of his cousin’s true love while Chakotay eyed him with some feral, instinctive fury. Then Chakotay took a step back, bending at the waist and catching his knees. The first sound that escapes him is a laugh, an eerily hollow sound, and then he righted himself and looked at Paddy again. “If she’s not with you and she’s not with me where the hell is she?”

Paddy turned his attention to doing what he had been before Chakotay’s arrival, getting his coat. “I’m not certain…” Sliding it on, he settles a hand on Chakotay’s shoulder. “But we’ll find her and god help anyone who gets in our way.”

=/\=

The blackness in front of her eyes was clearing as the coldness of the ground seeped into her bones. She shuddered and tried to move, but found her arms and legs restrained with binders. Starfleet security binders. “Damn it… The transporter network is still down. I don’t want to wait any longer. We can’t count on her damned cousin and that traitor lover of hers to not team up and come looking for her, no matter what diversions we left behind. We need to get her back to headquarters for processing. Then it won’t matter what they say, she’ll deny it.”

Kathryn looked up into the face of her captor, Randall from the dig site as he spoke to his accomplice. “I know it’s a risk, but lock onto us with the shuttle transporter and beam us to you. I know it will be able to be traced, picked up by scanners but it’s a risk we’ll have to take.” There was a long pause of silence, and then he cursed loudly. “What do you mean our shuttle transporters are offline as well now? Come hell or high water this woman will be reporting for duty at oh-eight hundred tomorrow – willingly. Randall out.”  
Struggling with her bonds, she barely noticed that his attention was back on her. “Come now Admiral Janeway, you know we have your best interests at heart, so you really should stop fighting us.”

“Go to hell,” she hissed through clenched teeth at the young man, “I won’t even be Captain Janeway by tomorrow morning and I sure as hell won’t be reporting for duty.”

“Ah, but you will.” Randall knelt down where he was at eye level with his captive. “You see since the war Starfleet has suffered a steady decline in applications to the Academy. Retirement of officers before the optimum age is rampant. Even some of our most decorated heroes just aren’t dependable anymore. So we can’t afford to loose a hero like yourself to retiring to marry some Maquis scum. So you see, we’re going to make your life so much better. Make you satisfied with being a desk Admiral, a hero figure for the Federation. You’ll strengthen Starfleet in ways you can’t imagine.”

Kathryn’s eyes narrowed. “I will never stay in Fleet willingly, especially not after this. I’ve made up my mind.”

“Yes, we know.” Randall’s eyes were void of any guilt as he spoke, “That’s why were going to unmake it for you. Actually we’re going to unmake you, and remake you as you need to be.” Kathryn’s eyes widened in horror as he spoke. Randall noticed her distress and softened his tone. “Don’t worry though, all this strife will be done with for you. No more heartache, no more unrequited love. If you’re good, maybe we’ll program in a nice boyfriend for you. Perhaps Admiral Ross.” His head cocked to the side considering it. “Yes, that would be particularly nice for public relations. The Delta Quadrant Darling with the Hero of the Founder War.” Kathryn shivered uncontrollably, trying to stop herself from retching as her captor focused his gaze on her once more. “And you won’t have to be alone anymore.”

=/\=

“Can I blow him up now?”

“Q,” Kathryn prime focused a jaundiced eye on her partner in crime. “No.” She looked angrily towards the man she knew was a Section 31 operative and then back at Q. “At least not yet.”

“But mon Admiral, I feel like a light switch with this on – off – on – off of all the transporter systems on this backwater little world. It really is quite beneath me.” Q pouted as he straightened his robes. The same robes that the Federation President would wear in session.

Kathryn prime rolled her eyes this time and poked him in the stomach with her cane, “You should have thought of that before we started all this.” She looked back towards the tableau before her, where her counterpart was being drug to her feet and hauled off towards the moors. “Q stick with her. If she gets in too deep before I can get her Chakotay here, then do what you have to, to save her…” Q grinned malevolently at that until Kathryn jabbed him with her cane once more, “but until that point, just delay them. Do you understand me, Q?”

Q crossed his arms and nodded grudgingly before walking off towards this universe’s Kathryn and her captor. He turned back towards her with a smug grin on his face, “And just how do you propose to keep up with Chuckles without me?”

Kathryn looked at him with a completely straight face, “Because just for now, you are going to lend me some Q powers.”

Q’s face contorted as he started to laugh, but seeing that Kathryn’s face was completely serious he sighed and snapped his fingers. Then she snapped hers.

=/\=

The quiet sound of jingling of metal on metal echoed in the hallway as Kathryn prime appeared beside the two men. She grinned slightly as Chakotay watched down the hall warily, while Paddy worked on the lock. “I always have had a weakness for rogues.” Kathryn shook her head slightly but remained invisible to the pair, as neither was aware that she was still involved in the situation at hand. The Irishman grinned evilly as there was an audible click and he opened the door with a flourish.

“Always knew that would come in handy some day.” He winked at Chakotay as they stepped through the door and took a look around the room. Everything was gone, as though Kathryn had simply packed up and left. “If I didn’t know Katie, I’d swear she just sent those notes to give herself a clear run, but that’s not her style. If she was leaving because of us, you can be sure we’d have heard about it.”

Chakotay nodded, trying to sort out in his mind exactly what was bothering him about the scene when a plaintive mewling from the closet. “Cath…” He moved quickly to the wardrobe and opened the door, the ginger tabby jumping to his shoulders as he did.

“Now that isn’t like Kathryn.” Paddy moved to stroke the agitated feline who was curling around Chakotay’s shoulders purring madly. “If she had left she would have put Cath in your room.”

Chakotay nodded as he looked around the room, “And she’s always careful about Cath getting trapped in closets.” His brow furrowed, there was something else wrong with the room. “Merlin…”

“Maybe she took him with her.” Paddy said as he looked around. “I mean the cat is yours, but Merlin is her baby.”

Chakotay didn’t seem to hear Paddy’s words; instead he was visually sweeping the floor, his intense gaze taking in every nook and cranny. Then suddenly, like a hawk swooping on its prey, forcing Cath to jump from his shoulders as he knelt and pulled something from under the bed. As he stood the object he had retrieved became all too clear and Paddy’s stomach twisted once more. “Not without Merlin’s leash.”

Kathryn prime longed to reach out and sooth this Chakotay, but she knew right now that he needed to do this without her or Q interfering. In a way it would affirm his claim to Kathryn alpha. Making his place at her side logical and right. Instead both she and Padraig watched him as he scoured the room for other clues to his Kathryn’s whereabouts, before he left the room at a determined gait. They followed along behind, and she couldn’t help but grin as she took in the Irishman who resolutely followed Chakotay. This version of her cousin was shockingly like her own as he murmured ancient Irish curses involving ‘Mary Malone and her nine blind orphan children’ against whomever was stupid enough to take his cousin. After which he reconsidered and grinned as he watched Chakotay storm through the door, and spoke aloud to whoever could hear. “Actually I don’t think I need to curse them, they’ve brought enough trouble down on themselves.”

“You don’t know the half of it, Paddy me dear.” Kathryn grinned ferally as she mimicked his accent even though she knew neither of the men could hear her. The clatter of their footsteps on the stairs down to the stables, echoed through the hall, but none of the trio, seen or unseen cared at this point. The stable doors swung open with a creak, as they all scanned the interior. To a quick inspection there was nothing wrong, but Chakotay moved deeper inside as if drawn by something unseen. After a moment he seemed to swing into action again, pulling open a seemingly empty stall. Kathryn drew an involuntary breath as she and Paddy moved to see what Chakotay had found. They were confronted with the sight of Merlin, bound and muzzled so thoroughly that he couldn’t make a sound, half buried under the straw. Left with only the slight hope that someone would find him.

Kathryn prime growled audibly, and felt her anger rise to new levels. There was no reason for this cruelty. Merlin couldn’t understand anything except that they were threatening his mistress, so they punished him, probably condemned him to death for his loyalty. He wasn’t her dog, but he very well could have been under different circumstances. Kathryn alpha wasn’t in any real danger, not with Q watching over her, but Merlin had been. And now it was personal.

“Easy boy… It’s me.” Chakotay held his hand near the faintly growling dog’s nose, so he could get his scent. After a moment the growls transmuted into whines, as Chakotay stroked the long coarse hair along the wolfhound’s head. “It’s Dad. Just let me get you free and we’ll go find Mom.” Chakotay grinned slightly at how right it felt claiming his place as the dog’s other master. Now as long as they found Kathryn, everything would be all right. Chakotay finished unbinding the dog, then removed the muzzle and was instantly rewarded with a multitude of licks to his face. Cringing he pushed Merlin’s head down and stood up to face Padraig.

Paddy shook his head as he met Chakotay’s gaze. “Who ever these bastards are…” He didn’t have to finish his statement. The solemn looks on both the men’s faces spoke more than words ever could.

“Paddy, I need you to alert the authorities.” Chakotay’s voice was hard as the trio moved out of the stable into the cold, damp night air.

Padraig nodded. “I can do that. Do you have any idea where they’d have taken her?” Chakotay shook his head in the negative. “Do you have any idea where you’re going to look then?”

“Don’t need one,” Chakotay looked down at Merlin who was sniffing the air and moving nervously at Chakotay’s feet. Paddy’s expression was puzzled at first until Chakotay spoke again. “Merlin, find Kathryn… Find your mom…” The dog’s ears twitched for a moment as he heard the words, he sniffed the air once more then raced off through the mist towards the moors to the north of town with Chakotay hard on his heels.

Paddy could only shake his head as he headed for the nearest communication terminal, while Kathryn prime snapped her fingers once more.

=/\=

Kathryn stumbled along in front of Randall as they passed over the uneven ground of the moors, very conscious of the phaser trained on her back. For now she was playing the unchallenging hostage, but she was ready to make her move if any chance for escape presented itself. So far she’d been incredibly lucky. The Section 31 operatives were being plagued with technical failure after technical failure. First the transporters, then the communication link and finally the global positioning device that he had been using to guide them through the mists towards the shuttle, which lead her to wonder if she didn’t have an omnipotent guardian angel standing watch over her. The only thing she couldn’t reconcile was that if he was going to interfere that much why he didn’t call off the charade and just rescue her.

Pain shot through her leg, as she tumbled to the ground, fatigue combining with the difficult terrain making her stumble. She could hear Randall curse under his breath and could hear his footsteps come up behind her. “Get up, Janeway.” As time went on and their difficulties increased, the initial ‘courteous’ manner of the operative had faded, to be replaced with his true character, cruel and controlling with little humanity. It was ironic that such a man was charged with ‘protecting’ the Federation.

“I can’t. I’ve either twisted my ankle or broken it.” She looked up defiantly at Randall, not bothering to hide her disdain. The operative grabbed hold of her arm, unmindful of her injury and jerked her to her feet. Kathryn hissed and focused off into the distance, trying to push her mind away from the pain. Her mind reeled and she forced herself not to laugh as her mind processed what she saw. The same outcropping of rock that they passed a half hour ago. They’d been traveling in circles through the thick fog since the failure of the global positioning device. All thoughts of laughter quickly escaped her mind however as Randall pushed her forward, and she began to limp along in front of him, pain shooting through her with every step.

=/\=

In spite of himself, Q winced with each step Kathryn took but restrained himself from easing her pain. To do so would reveal his presence, besides the fact that this was a better delaying tactic than any he could have constructed. “Anytime now would be good, Chuckles.”

There was a bright flash at his side and Kathryn prime was standing along side him once more. “Am I mistaken or do I detect a note of concern in your voice?”

“Boredom, actually.” Q sniped as he quickly schooled his features.

Kathryn prime smirked and shook her head. “Well the cavalry is on its way.” As she spoke, a white streak cannonballed through the mist on a direct course with Kathryn alpha’s captive. The hurtling body of the dog collided with Randall sending the phaser and it’s owner flying in separate directions. Kathryn alpha thudded painfully into the hard packed ground, her body protesting the rough treatment.

Randall struggled to his feet only to find himself face to face with the enraged countenance of the Maquis traitor. For the first time in his life, the operative truly knew fear as he looked into eyes filled with a demonic fury. No words were spoken. The communication between the two men was brutal and completely physical. The agent blocked Chakotay’s first punch but the second wasn’t and neither was his third. A solid kick to Chakotay’s ribs made him exhale but didn’t stop him from continuing to pummel Randall. The fury consuming him, lending him strength to shrug off the pain.

Kathryn alpha forced her body from the ground, watching as Chakotay and Randall battled each other. Even though Chakotay didn’t seem to be noticing the abuse his body was taking the thin streams of blood from his mouth and nose and the sharp jerking movement that shook him with each successful hit made her breath in sharply. Chakotay seemed to be driving Randall further and further back, with each successive strike to his body, until Kathryn noticed that Randall was definitely moving back along a specific path. A quick assessment of the direction they were headed in, revealed the agent’s goal. The phaser.

Still unable to stand Kathryn alpha scrambled towards the weapon, but her sudden movement alerted Randall who flung himself in the same direction. Time seemed to pass in slow motion as they both lunged towards the phaser, Chakotay realizing the agent’s intention and throwing himself after Randall a split second later. Kathryn alpha stretched her body out along the ground, her fingers brushing the grip of the weapon, and then suddenly surrounding it as she aimed it at the operative’s chest as Chakotay collided with him. Their bodies crashed to the hard earth, soft flesh compacting under the force of the tackle but the sound of their impact was drowned out by the sound of a shuttle’s engines overhead.

Kathryn alpha looked up into the glaring searchlights, wondering if this was friend or foe. Her silent question was answered as Chakotay’s body settled to the ground. Beamed out from underneath the large man. She tensed, expecting at any second to be beamed away into the hellish life Section 31 had planned and looked towards Chakotay. She met his gaze and knew she had to say it at least once before they took it away from her. “I love you, Chakotay.” Her voice was drowned out by the steady hum of the engines, but her face communicated everything he needed to know.

“I love you, Kathryn.” Chakotay tried to force his voice above the din and Kathryn’s face told him she understood.

=/\=

Randall moved painfully into the pilot compartment. “Get a lock on her, Cory. We’ve come to far to let her slip through our grasp this time.

“Trying to lock on now, Sir.”

=/\=

Kathryn prime glared at Q as Chakotay settled closer to the ground. “Q!” Tears threatened to burst forth as she watched her alternate admit her feelings to Chakotay aloud for the first time. She held her breath and her heart twisted in fear, as though it was she that had put her heart out for him to take or crush. An illogical flood of relief flowed through her as she saw Chakotay answer her counterpart. She had known what his answer would be, but it didn’t stop the emotions coursing through her.

After a moment, she drew her command façade around her once more. “No lock, Q.”

=/\=

“Unable to lock onto Janeway, Sir.” Cory winced knowing he would take the brunt of the repercussions for their failure. His fingers danced over the console, but the computer answered his desperate commands with an annoying buzz.

Randall’s fist smashed against his console. They couldn’t afford to be caught. Better to retreat now and try another time. “Set a course back to base, evasive pattern tango.”

“Aye sir.”

=/\=

Q looked towards Kathryn prime, his previous question echoing in his eyes.

The Admiral looked towards the retreating shuttle, then back to Q with a feral gleam in her eye. “Do it.”

A malevolent grin spread over his face as he snapped his fingers.

=/\=

A high-pitched whine filled the air, as Chakotay and Kathryn reached each other. Pushing her to the ground beneath his body, Chakotay acted as a shield between her and the debris that filled the air moments after the blindingly bright explosion. The super heated air from the explosion made his lungs scream and spilled over his back causing him pain, but Chakotay held as still as possible to protect Kathryn from harm. Minutes passed and finally they moved, lifting their eyes to see the countryside littered with shuttle fragments.

“Hell of a flare,” Chakotay joked, his voice hoarse from the heat. “Are you all right? Help should be here soon.”

Kathryn looked towards the debris and pushed any thoughts of Q from her mind. If he had blown up the shuttle, she didn’t want to know about it. Didn’t want to think about it. As far as she was concerned it was another of the string of technical failures her captors had been suffering all night, and she couldn’t bring herself to mourn their passing. No matter how hard she tried. She could feel Chakotay’s anxious eyes on her and she reached up to caress his cheek gently. “I’m fine Cha-ko-tay. A little sprained ankle won’t keep me down for long.” Her eyes were soft as she focused on him. “I meant what I said Chakotay. I love you.”

“I’ve been stupid, Kathryn…” Chakotay looked deep into her eyes. “I love you. I think I have for a very long time.” His hands moved over her face, over her shoulders and down her arms. A slow caress to assure him that she was intact and well. “It’s so cliché that I didn’t realize what I had until I nearly lost it… Lost you.”

A gentle laugh bubbled up from deep within her soul, “Oh Chakotay… No worse than me.” She pulled him over her once more, this time face to face. “Let’s make certain we never make the same mistake again.”

=/\=

Kathryn prime poked Q with her walking stick. “You can have your powers back now, Q.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to keep them mon Admiral? You’d make a formidable addition to the Continuum.” Q focused his attention on Kathryn prime, sounding nothing so much as like the Devil tempting someone in exchange for their soul.

Kathryn prime simply watched him, her expression never changing.

Q sighed, shook his head and snapped his fingers as she turned away from him, walking into the mists. “I didn’t think so.” He stood watching her. Grudging admiration in his expression.

“Come along Q,” she called out as she traversed the terrain. “Let’s go find where that dog made off to.”

Q snorted seeing through her transparent attempt to give Kathryn alpha and her Chakotay some privacy. “As if I’d want to watch their primitive mating rituals anyway.” He took several steps after Kathryn prime, and then turned back for a moment, looking towards Kathy almost wistfully before moving along after Kathryn prime. “Now we’re babysitting her dog? The levels to which you’d have me sink.”

“No lower than the ones you find on your own, Q.”

=/\=

The cold, mossy ground beneath Kathryn barely registered in her consciousness. Only Chakotay’s weight settling comfortably over her, his mouth caressing hers with feather light teasing kisses, and his strong hands supporting her neck were worthy of her notice at that moment. The air around them was still warm from the shuttle’s destruction and the bits of still warm debris that now dusted the countryside around them.

Pulling back, Chakotay eye’s roved over Kathryn’s prone form. A gentle finger traced the ridge of her cheek, and down the line of her jaw. Kathryn shivered under his caress, and teasingly extended her tongue to tantalize the rough tip of his finger. She could feel every line, every crevasse, every ridge on its tip as she lapped at it. Coaxing it to her mouth with the gentle caresses and the needful look in her eyes as she held his gaze.

Chakotay moaned as Kathryn sucked his finger into her mouth. The wet heat and skillful flicks of her tongue serving to tease and torment him. Giving him intimate knowledge of what she wanted to do to other parts of his anatomy than his fingers. His nostrils flared and he closed his eyes for a moment as an almost direct connection seemed to be formed from his cock to the finger Kathryn was working over. When he re-opened them his hand moved to her blouse. Each button giving way beneath his fingers, which would then caress and tease the flesh beneath.

Kathryn trembled once more. The goose pimples rising on her skin having more to do with Chakotay’s tender attentions than the cooling air that surrounded their bodies. She squirmed beneath him, anxious to be rid of the clothing that separated their flesh from one another. Chakotay only grinned and continued his slow divestment of her blouse from her body. Her eyes focused on his once more, half lidded and hot as she sucked hard on the digit trapped within her mouth.

It took all of his concentration not to rip the cloth from her skin and his, so he could sink himself deep in her willing body. Instead he slowly slid the material away, lifting her only enough for him to completely denude her of the unwanted covering. Instead of removing her bra immediately, he lowered his mouth to the satiny material. His tongue lapping at the hidden flesh, then moving to suckle the nipple still encased beneath. He could feel her heat beneath the cooling dampness his mouth left behind and how she arched into the suction he applied to her sensitive globes. With a final nip, Chakotay pulled back and looked into her eyes once more. “I wonder what these taste like without the satin… Should I find out Kathryn?” His voice was low and sensuous as he ran a teasing finger over her hardened buds.

Kathryn moaned as she nodded; lapping and suckling at his finger to convince him that this was what he wanted to do. Instead Chakotay just watched her. She pursed her lips, her head bobbing as she worshiped his finger. He shook his head slightly. “I want to hear you tell me, Kathryn. Tell me what you want.”

Reluctantly Kathryn released his finger from her mouth, “Please Chakotay.” Her voice was low and throaty with an extra breathless quality he had never heard before. “Undress me.” A tip of pink tongue touched her lips. “Take me please… Prove to me I’m yours now.”

Chakotay slowly removed the rest of her clothing, as though unwrapping a Christmas present. Admiring and teasing every inch of flesh as it was exposed to the chill, night air. A contrast to his warm touch feathering over her skin. Finally he knelt above her as he stripped away his clothing, revealing his bronze skin and muscles sculptured from days of hard, physical work on the dig. Kathryn drew in a breath as she looked up at him, her eyes wide. “You are beautiful, Chakotay.” A tear formed at the corner of her eye. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.”

Drawing her up for a gentle kiss, Chakotay nuzzled her neck softly. “You are the beautiful one, Kathryn and I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I count my blessings the day that Admiral Janeway came to give me a chance to be with you. After the way I realize I treated my Kathryn, I don’t deserve it.”

Kathryn found herself chuckling, despite her passion and the incipient tears. “She probably thought we deserved each other.”

Her laugh was answered by one of his own. As their laughter lightened their hearts, their passions reasserted themselves. Supporting himself on strong arms above her, he caught her gaze and held it. Words no longer necessary for their communication as their souls spoke to one another. Slowly he pressed his hard length against her, running his member between the folds of her slit, picking up the moisture from her body until it was almost dripping.

Breathing became shallow as his cock slid along her swollen flesh and she pushed up against him. Meeting each stroke with equal fervor. Her clit tingled with the sensation of flesh pressing on flesh and she quaked beneath him, her body responding as though she had been made for him and he for her. Each stroke making her arch into him, her body begging him in ways her voice wouldn’t. Her nipples like diamonds, rubbed against the smoothness of his chest while her hands tangled in his hair, then slowly slipped down his back, tracing his spine and cupping his buttocks. They pulled him to her with each of his strokes, trying to encourage him to take her. To slide inside her and end the wait that had seemed to exist for the whole of their existence.

Finally her will bent to his and she moaned, “Please, Chakotay. I need you inside me. Fill me… I can’t wait anymore.”

He pulled back once more and this time, Kathryn felt the thick head of his cock press against her tight entrance. Slowly he began to push forward, intent on burying himself to the hilt in her slick heat. Kathryn moaned in exquisite pain as she stretched to accommodate him. The slight pain far outweighed by the pleasure of his body against hers, in hers and the overwhelming feeling of fullness that was swiftly overtaking her pleasure center. A low throaty moan issued from her throat and she arched her back, pushing up into him, easing his passage into her body.

Pulsing flesh surrounded his cock like a sheath, it’s hot, wet grasp massaging his sensitive member. He stayed completely still for a moment, taking his time to savor the feeling of oneness with her and to allow her to adjust, before he slowly flexed his legs. Corded muscle drawing his body back, and then pushing forward again. Stroking deep into her body. Keeping the rhythm slow at first, he kept his eyes fixed with hers as he rode her body. Sinking himself into her, her body welcoming him inside, the fit perfect. Kathryn arched beneath him, matching his pace as she slid against him. With each stroke, he filled her completely, feeling her contracting cervix against the tip of his cock, the sensation much like a kiss.

Slowly they increase the tempo of their thrusts, meeting each other, movement for movement. Cupping her breast, fondling its heaviness in his hand, his thumb teasing her nipple, Chakotay watches as Kathryn’s movements become less coordinated. She squirms beneath him, arching and trembling with the touch, small animal sounds issuing from her throat. Her eyes widen and the grip of her muscles around his turgid penis increases to the point where he must slow his pace. Covering her mouth with his he initiates a passionate kiss with her, swallowing her moan of pleasure.

The heat of his lips on hers, the taste of his mouth only added to the ecstasy that coursed through her body, but even as that faded the thrusting did not. She found herself jerking against him with each thrust, aftershocks caused by the press of his body against her now oversensitive clit. Small whimpers came from her mouth as she tried to speak. “Too much… Please Chakotay. No more.”

Chakotay looked down at her and shook his head, then leaned close to whisper in her ear. “Not yet, love. Not until I really fill you full… It is what you asked for.” Kathryn could only moan, the tremors in her body and the sensations he was creating making it impossible for her to speak. Sitting up, Chakotay eased her legs over his shoulders, changing the angle of penetration and making his love gasp for air. He hammered into her then, his cock pummeling her pleasure center.

Wave after wave of pleasure flowed through her body. One orgasm upon the next, layering one over the top of the other. Her breathing coming in shallow pants as only the smallest of bestial noises escaped her. Her mind was flooded with sensation, no longer able to form a coherent thought outside of how good her body felt. How alive. Wracked with shudder after shudder, no longer able to actively participate in their love making, now she was content to simply be a vessel. The primitive part of her mind urging her to simply accept the mating and revel in the feelings it brought her.

The involuntary movements of Kathryn’s body and the spasms within her, just spurred Chakotay into thrusting harder against her soft flesh. The muscles that surrounded his member rippled over it again and again. He held her legs tightly, using them as leverage to power himself deeper into her. His cock aching within the sultry depths of her sex. He looked into her face, her blue eyes and saw the rapture that their joining was bringing her. A torrent of fire raged through his body, his sac pulling tightly to his body as the gush of his seed pulsed through his embedded member and spilled into her.

Kathryn found her voice again as the heat of his ejaculate filled her body. Her scream of pleasure echoed in the air around them as her body spasmed and clenched beneath him. His cry, more articulate than hers, a primal bellow of her name. Their bodies quaking together as their climaxes tore through them. Chakotay releasing her legs, as he thrust staggered into her, and then collapsed against her spent. His weight comforting on her, she found enough energy to wrap her arms about him and closed her eyes to recover. Unmindful of the rescuers that were sure to come.

=/\=

Kathryn alpha woke a short time later. Chakotay’s scent all around her, permeating her skin, coating her body. His body settled over hers, keeping her warm. Logically her mind told her that they should have been found by now and she had a suspicion why they hadn’t been. “Chakotay, love…” She nudged him gently. “I need to get up and you should get dressed as well… It won’t be long before we’re found.”

A gentle groan and his soft lips against hers were the first indications she had that he had heard her, to be followed by him rolling off of her. She quickly dressed, kissing him once more before she wandered out into the mist to ‘relieve’ herself. She only walked a few minutes away, when out of the fog bounded Merlin followed by two familiar figures. “I thought it might be you and Q, Admiral.” She reached out, grasping hold of her dogs collar. “How long?”

“Since you were captured.” Kathryn prime admitted.

Kathryn alpha took a breath, dismissing the dismay she felt that Q and her other self had likely had something to do with the destruction of the shuttle and the death of the two Section 31 operatives.

Seeing the look on her younger self’s face she continued. “With any luck, after this they’ll think twice about coming after you again. Though I wouldn’t put off retiring. As publically as possible.”

Kathryn alpha shivered slightly at the thoughts that brought forward, then met the Admiral’s gaze, “Don’t worry. I will. I won’t loose him again. Not to anyone or anything.” The Admiral nodded, satisfied with Kathryn alpha’s decision. Kathryn alpha reached out and caught Kathryn prime’s hands, holding them with her own while turning to face her. “I owe you… I owe you everything. I can’t begin to tell you how much…” Tears began to form in Kathryn alpha’s eyes. “You made sure I didn’t loose all my dreams. Thank you.”

Kathryn prime smiled, then pulled her hand away to reach out and gently wipe the tears from her younger self’s face. “You don’t owe me anything. You were the one who did all the work and made all the changes.” She paused for a moment. “If you want to repay me, just take care of him and yourself.”

“I will,” Kathryn alpha voice was low and serious. Both of them knowing a vow had passed between them. They could hear voices from the direction Chakotay was in, and they knew that their rescuers had come. They both looked towards Q, who nodded briefly. “I guess it’s time for me to go.” Kathryn prime nodded and watched as her younger self turned from her to go back to her new life with her Chakotay. After a few steps but before the mists could engulf her completely, Kathryn alpha turned back to face them once more. “I won’t see you again will I?”

Kathryn prime shook her head. Surprisingly sad to say goodbye to this alternate of herself that she had started out hating.

Kathryn alpha nodded, “Then have a good life.” She paused a slightly sad expression crossing her face. “Take care of your Chakotay and your children.”

“I will.” Kathryn prime echoed her earlier words and with a final nod Kathryn alpha disappeared into the mists.

“Well I do believe that is our curtain call, mon Admiral. I’ll just erase…” Q began to snap his fingers.

Kathryn prime caught his arm in mid swing once more, “No, Q… She needs to remember.”

Q’s brow furrowed. “But why… it will be easier for Kathy if she believes that he is the Chuckles who has always been…”

The Admiral shook her head slightly, “No Q. She needs to remember. She needs those regrets. It’s what will stop her from making the same mistake again in the future.” She looked off in the direction where she could now here her alternate and Chakotay laughing. “Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it, Q.”

“Very well,” Q huffed obviously displeased with having been thwarted by Kathryn prime. Then he brightened considerably. “This means she’ll reciprocate won’t she… Well I’ll have to come and remind her of course, but I’ll be a godfather.”

Kathryn prime shook her head at Q sadly. “I’m afraid not Q.”

“Why not, it’s only fair. After all she is Jr.’s godmother.” Q blustered.

“I’m certain she would if she could Q, but it’s too late for her, for that. It’s another regret she’s going to have to live with.” Kathryn prime sighed and reached out threading her arm through Q’s. “Time to take me home, Q. My husband is making me my favorite dinner and I want to see my children.”

Q looked down at their linked arms in surprise, then looked at the crooked grin of the Admiral and in a flash they disappeared. Leaving the fog encroaching on where they had been.

The landscape stayed silent and empty, only the muted voices of Kathryn alpha and Chakotay talking to the officers from Starfleet Security who had come to their aid along with the local constabulary floating on the wind. The fog was lit with a flash as Q reappeared, unseen to all who stood on the debris littered field. “One less regret for you, Kathy my dear.” Q grinned wondering in the long run if she would thank him or curse him for this. Not that he’d ever take credit for it. A snap, a flash and Q was gone only leaving another voice carried on the wind though none of the mortals could hear it. “Kathy and Chuckles sitting a tree, K I S S I N G, first comes love, then comes marr….”

Epilog

Q paced along the edge of the continuum he’d turned into his very own little ready room. Damn the greater powers for being so damned contrary. Chuckles and the drone. Inconceivable, but that’s what they had done. The omnipotent one sighed softly. He didn’t have the heart to tell the Admiral they had to do it all again. Somehow he didn’t think that finding out her beloved Chuckles could fall for the drone was something he wanted to be responsible for telling her. After all, he was omnipotent but not stupid. He might not be able to die, but she’d find a way to hurt him.

He looked down at the true end of the alpha thread and watched as multitudes of lesser powers swarmed to fix the damage. No, they really didn’t need his help. There were new threads popping up by the second to correct the damage done. No, he wouldn’t waste his time.

Looking down into the threads through his viewport, he settled down on his couch. Each one fascinating in it’s own right. No, they didn’t need his help.

But then again… And with a flash, he was gone.


End file.
